I’d even go so far as to wager that most of us have *been *15 at one point or another.
Some people do have big problems, yes. I remember a time where that would indeed have broken me, and I only had myself to support.
I think the real point here is that he’s essentially sneaking money out of his mom’s wallet rather than asking her for money. He knows what the policy is (please eat breakfast at home), he refuses for some reason, then eats breakfast at school when he knows his mom only wants him to buy lunch. He needs to be honest with his mom, and to learn to live within whatever budget is set up - and if for some reason unbeknownst to her, there is some ‘good’ reason for him to eat breakfast at school, he needs to discuss that with his mom. I mentioned one earlier in that I can’t eat breakfast very early in the morning as I don’t have any appetite then, but by around 8 or 8:30 am, my stomach is going crazy.
It’s perfectly possible for a 15 year old boy to eat a full breakfast early in the morning, and then be able to polish off a muffin or two later in the morning. However, Mom is providing enough nutrition at home that he can have a good breakfast and he can take a midmorning snack along as well. He’s NOT going to starve if he doesn’t eat breakfast at school.
The issue really isn’t whether he’s hungry or not. The issue, well, one of the issues, is that Mom has allowed him a line of credit, which he is misusing. Not only is this disobeying Mom, this sets a VERY bad habit (of overspending on an account) for later life. Another issue is that the school is allowing him to run up a debt that Mom either cannot or will not pay.
And yeah, it’s quite possible that six bucks, one way or the other, is going to put Opalcat’s budget out of whack. Even if she can afford it, one of the FIRST recommendations for saving up some money is to quit eating out so much.
If he really wants to eat breakfast at school, and his mom isn’t willing or able to pay for it, then he can find a way to earn the six bucks a week. He might have to work a couple of hours a week, but if the school breakfast is that important to him, he can find some chores to pay for it. He doesn’t get to decide that Mom is going to spend more money on him.
Spending time with a 15 year old in 1996 is not the same as spending time with one in 2010. Nor is your dating a 15 year old in 1980 applicable. The “I was your age once” train of thought is literally the most pathetic and out of touch attempt at a connection possible.
I’m just 8 years older than my brother and our high school experiences are very different, despite doing the exact same clubs/after school activities, sports and same honors/AP track in classes.
I think the OP started the thread for relevant opinions. You’re right, I don’t spend time with him when he’s in school. My mother and father are deadbeats as well, since they’re not with him when he’s in school either.
No, but seriously though - his weekends are mostly spent as his weeknights are - doing homework and practicing his sport. Just add sleeping in, chores and hanging out with his friends one night in there as well. Frankly, weekends give more of the whole picture.
Yep, so the kid never forgets his card and the lunch people can look up the code if s/he forgets it. Again, not something people would know if you don’t interact with someone in the age group or if you graduated more than 10 years ago.
Yes we do know that it’s junk food. We can look online and see what he’s bought. If he’s hungry he could buy real food, or eat more food at home. Instead he has muffins or sweet rolls (essentially cake) at school. After being specifically told not to.
You know, this is something that pisses me off, particularly at the elementary levels. Why exactly IS the school cafeteria selling junk food to kids for breakfast? I mean, I know the real answer is “because they make money from it,” but it’s really annoying that my 8-year-old can easily just go and punch his lunch code in, and get all the junk food he wants in the morning. Yes, we’ve stopped this behavior, but my point is, why should this even be an option? If the school wants to sell breakfast to little kids in the morning, fine. How about something slightly more healthy than prepackaged sticky buns and giant sugary muffins?
Lindsay, the mechanism of exchange is not relevant. Whether it is by code, or by card, or by cash, or by tab, the underlying problem in this matter is that the son is stealing from his parents. Whether the thefts took place back at the dawn of time, or took place yesterday, the problem of stealing remains the same. Kids misusing their parents this way is nothing new, and certainly is not something that has only appeared in the last decade.
How can it just be a five digit number he keys in? Seems like there’d be a lot of overlap between students, and one could just randomly type of number and have a non-zero chance of stealing from someone else’s account.
Instead of treating this like the schools problem (they let him…after all they let him not turn in his homework, too), or a questioning Opal’s parenting (she doesn’t want him to do this, that’s good enough), it can be treated as a discipline issue.
Every day when he (or you) get home, look at the website. If he’s charged things you don’t approve of, remove privileges until he complies and is clear. He chooses - muffins or tv, video games, enjoying friends, Playboys. If he’s done as you ask, he’s fine. If not, he’s grounded until he does comply.
Generally when we take this approach with our kids, compliance happens pretty fast - or we get to the root cause of non-compliance. If he is so hungry that he needs a muffin in the morning and would give up his free time for a muffin, that probably needs to be addressed. My son’s copy of Modern Warfare 2 spends more time in my hands than his right now - we are learning to turn in our homework.
My kids have a five digit pin as well. That’s 100,000 combination. There are about 700 kids in my son’s middle school. Randomly, its not a nonzero chance. but its a 1/140 chance. The cafeteria ladies will catch on. And like Opal, I can (and do) log in regularly to see what he is spending/eating. He has a friend who says “Middle school is great, I can have pizza every day if I want!” And we looked at our kid and said “not you. Pizza is ok once in a while, but we’ll be watching.” So far, no Modern Warfare 2 losses over food choices. But our school has banned the true junk food - there are still muffins and smoothies - but no soda or candy.
A 5 digit key gives 100,000 different possibilities. Most states could run on the statewide system and not have any student overlap, let alone a single school.
Maybe this is appropriate for another thread but I really question the assertion that a muffin is “junk food”. Yeah its’ cake, but it’s not cake with layer of buttercream frosting on top which is usually what will do you in. And he’s 15, he might actually need an infusion of carbs in the morning. If he doesn’t have a weight problem then I propose his body can handle an extra muffin or sweet roll.
And if he does have a weight problem then being mad at the school for giving him a muffin is not the solution. If you’re worried about his food choices then sit down and talk to him about his food choices. He’s going to be in many other situations (pizza parties at friend’s house, etc) where the options will be worse than a muffin. And are you planning for him to go away to college? Because lot’s of colleges do all-you-can eat dining plans, with muffins and bagels and donuts and all the sugary cereal you can eat. A single muffin is minor compared to the food options that I had at my dorm, and I went to a state school that was not exactly marketing gourmet dining plans.
To be clear I’m not saying it’s okay for him to just charge up the school account, just ire at the school seems rather misplaced. It’s not like they’re trying to sell him T-shirts and magazines on credit, it’s a $1.25 breakfast. I doubt anyone is getting rich, at least not with parents’ contributions. And if he goes to college there will be many people who are trying to sell him magazines and t-shirts for a lot more than $1.25, and many of them will be getting rich from their little on-campus ventures.
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But is it just a key (which is what Opal says), or is it a key tied to something else? Human beings don’t simply pick random PINs. They pick (unwisely) things like their birthdays, the first digits of their social security numbers, and so on. Would you count on 17-bit encryption to store all of your banking information?
When I was in high school back in the 90s, we were given keys that were used on some standardized testing forms and as our computer userid. I’d imagine a similar student ID scheme is used at most schools.
The issue here is really that the school believes the child to be mature enough to follow his parents wishes, in regards his meals, at his age.
Saying he’s not mature enough seems an indicator that he needs to catch up to his peers, in this regard. Putting it on the school is missing the point entirely.
Do you want him to handle is money responsibly should he go to college? Be careful what you teach him right now.
If he gets an allowance this money should be coming right out of it. If he gets money, from a part time job or grandparent birthday cash, he should be paying the amounts for the meals he ‘charges’.
Do you want him to handle a credit card responsibly, one day? Again, I’d be extremely careful what message I sent, on this issue.
The mechanism of exchange is absolutely relevant. If it were cash, Opal could not give him money. If it were tab, Opal could refuse to let him run one. If it were a card, she could take the card and/or cut it up. The PIN system is such that every kid is in the system even if they pack a lunch for 12 solid years; they can ring a tab of no limit, or an exponentially high one in some systems. The temptation is constantly there, which makes being a parent or guardian much more difficult.
I’ve heard your empty line of reasoning before. “Kids are kids! Things are the same!” I’ll give you a prime example: bullying. Why is bullying such a focus these days with so many anti-bulling seminars, lectures, etc? Because bullying can be silent. Phoebe Prince was partly bullied online. It can be text messages of harassment, with words the bullies would be suspended for saying aloud. It can be facebook messages and wall posts with a fake account name and an email address that belongs to nobody. It can be on Twitter, by email, by fake AIM handle. It can be made into a whole website that gets passed around school. It can be texting the whole school Photoshopped photos with the victim doing something terrible. If you punched a kid in the hallways in ye olde Americana high school, someone saw something. Firewalls and IP scramblers and pre-paid cell phones can leave no trace. Technology has opened up myriad possibilities for kids’ welfare.
I feel for Opal - it’s a lot harder to be a parent nowadays.
Bullying existed long before your very recent school days. Every read Tom Brown’s School Days?
In any event, get back to us when Opal’s son is bullied via the anonymous internet into purchasing muffins against his parents’ direct instructions.
This is a simple behavioural issue, and has nothing to do with modern times, for the problem is not the muffin or the money or the ease of using a code, but instead is a problem of a youth not respecting his parents’ clear, simple, and reasonable directions, for which, as this thread has shown, there are a great many remedies to be considered that have nothing to do with the school refusing to block the code.
This is the crux of the problem. The other part of the problem is communication. If the teen really wants to buy breakfast or snacks at school, he should have gone to his folks and respectfully argued his case. Perhaps if he had done that, instead of going behind his parents back, there would have been some compromise to the rule.
If he had done that we would have bought him granola bars to take to school or something similar. We’re not averse to him eating, just a) eating crap and b) making us pay for it and c) disobeying specific rules.