I was watching a tv show that had a plot about a boy accidentally finding out his mom was trying to get pregnant by her non live in boyfriend.* My first thought was that it was pretty flaky of her not to have informed* her son (not to mention her parents, whom she lives with) that she’d decided to change the his family forever by bringing in two extra people, before she started trying to conceive a child. Then I thought that maybe it’s just me. Babies do have a built in waiting period that gives people a chance to get used to the idea that they’re coming, unlike other things, but I think that people should let the adults and near adults in your household know when you’re planning on doing something major and unexpected like having a kid, or suddenly moving to another country or the like.
*Which I think is important, because it means none of the steps that usually come before a planned baby, which could have made that news less of a shock, have happened.
How old was the boy? If he’s old enough to understand, he’ll probably give his opinion, and she might not want to hear it, especially if it’s not a blessing. That goes double for her parents. However, it would be a very good idea for her to think about the whole baby idea very carefully, especially if she’s planning on continuing to live with the parents. They may not want to babysit. Also, did the boyfriend know about the baby plan? His support should be even more important to her.
I don’t think it’s necessary to inform anybody of anything until the pregnancy occurs. Before that, it’s exclusively a plan between two people. Why risk getting hopes up?
I don’t think prospective parents need to tell ANYONE about their baby plans. It’s nobody’s damned business what goes on in their bedroom.
I’m somewhat sensitive to this topic, because my mother had several miscarriages, and she had people sticking their noses into her life and offering untold amounts of unwanted advice. She raised my sister and me to understand that pregnancy and its outcome is nobody’s business. Period. It is between the two parents (emphasize TWO) and nobody else.
My husband and I were married for eight years before we had kids. And we were gossiped about plenty. “What’s the matter, you hate kids?”
This fictional mother is in a setting that is controversial to begin with. Why expose yourself to even more criticism by announcing your plans? Even if she lived in the traditional two-parent home, a teen has no say in the matter of what the parents decide. God forbid, a hormone-saturated kid would be worried constantly that his parents were back in their bedroom, doing “it.”
~VOW
OMG, it wasn’t Sarah, was it? (I haven’t watched it in several weeks.) There’s a whole lot more to THAT story, and I suspect it might change some people’s answers if they knew more.
Sarah’s had an on-again, off-again thing with her ex, Seth, the father of that teenaged boy (as well as his sister, who doesn’t live at home), in the very very recent past. Seth is now at rehab, again, and she’s trying desperately to make things work with this boyfriend, Mark, who I assume is the one proposing they have a baby. Considering the boy’s dad is still - sometimes - romantically involved with his mom, who is simultaneously schtupping the guy* she’s ttc with…yeah, I think maybe the boy is justified in holding an opinion here. Sarah’s not the most stable, put together arbiter of good judgement. She’s a whole lot like Nancy on Weeds, only with a day job. Sometimes.
*Who, by the way, was her daughter’s teacher before he was Sarah’s boyfriend.
As the mom of a real-life teenaged boy, plus a “tween” girl, and a 2-week-old, I agree with the view of “no one’s business except potential parents’” until pregnancy occurs and/or is viable. After we found out we were expecting, we waited past the first trimester, then informed the older kids, then the grandparents, and finally other friends and family members. (In fact, since I didn’t show until very late in my pregnancy, some folks didn’t find out till Christmas that we were due in March - Littlest Miss was a little bit early.)
Even if we weren’t married or were living with family members, I’d feel the same I think.
I think it really depends on the family. But I don’t think it’s a bad idea. He’s about old enough to be introduced to how adults interact with their families- and in a lot of families that includes being brought in to major decisions, being in on information that affects you, and generally being included on somewhat equal terms. If he is on the mature side, it’s good practice for learning how to handle being in these kinds of situations with tact.
That’s not to say he gets a real say in it or anything. But in a lot of families it would be appropriate to know what’s going on.
Actually, if she were in a traditional two parent home, I wouldn’t have thought much of it. Having babies is often a step that people in committed relationships take and I think the rest of the household would be less shocked by that pregnancy than they would be by the pregnancy in the hypothetical.
Yes, it was her, with Mark suggesting they have a kid, and oops, I didn’t think about the potential spoilers I put out there for people. I didn’t see the parts you mentioned (which makes me see that the kid had even less of a reason to assume the relationship was serious). When the episode that inspired the topic aired, I added that to the list of screwy choices she’s made, but then I thought, hmm, maybe most people wouldn’t think anything of springing the fact that they were having a kid with someone they didn’t appear to be serious with on their immediate family, when they could have said something beforehand.
I don’t think a teen has the maturity to handle the news of a pregnancy-in-the-making. Most teens would not look favorably on a brand new sibling, because that would reduce the amount of time, energy, and money that the teen can obtain from the parents. The teen is also going to resent being used as a babysitter and won’t be tolerant of a crying, smelly baby. Mainly because teens aren’t very tolerant of anything.
In the hypothetical case, if the woman wished to inform her parents of her desire of a pregnancy, THEY absolutely would have the right to complain!
~VOW
S’okay. I’m not spoiler averse, and the episodes have aired, so it’s hard to justifiably get irate about it.
In character, Sarah never spent more than about 72 seconds thinking about anyone but herself. She wouldn’t tell her son before trying to conceive, because she wouldn’t have thought about it at all. It wasn’t a parenting decision, do I or don’t I, it just wasn’t ever on her radar. Again, very Nancy like.
One gets the sense that her son and her parents will be pretty hugely impacted by this decision, since she’s so flaky they’re bound to end up providing a lot of free babysitting. In view of that, and the general soap operaness of the whole situation, I could see them being pretty pissed that she’s made such a big decision without talking to them about it. I mean, it’s not like she’s getting pregnant on accident and everyone makes the best of a bad situation. It’s *intentionally *throwing their lives in turmoil. Again. 'Cause that’s what Sarah does.
In the real world, my son was 12 when my then husband and I decided to try to get pregnant on purpose (weird!!!). He certainly heard and participated in lots of “what if” discussions for a while before: “What if we had another kid, would we need a bigger car?” “What if we had an infant - would we take her camping?” That kind of stuff. I don’t think we ever said straight out that we were thinking of actually doing it, but I don’t think he felt those conversations were entirely hypothetical, either. He wasn’t all that surprised when I told him I was pregnant. I told him at 7 weeks, waiting until the highest risk of miscarriage is over. I waited another 4 or 5 weeks to tell anyone else, though.
This hasn’t been true IME, except in cases where time and resources were already stretched and the teen was already the primary caregiver for their existing younger siblings. I can’t really believe that a teen wouldn’t be ready for conversations on the subect, either.
Heh - I thought the teen was trying to have a baby. My answer was to tell them “don’t”! :smack:
ETA: I also see that I read it as “WHAT should people tell their teen…”
I have been following this show and the teen in question has been portrayed as distant from his mother already, for a variety of reasons, and I got the feeling they were trying to convey this sentiment. Also, I got a feeling the boy resented his mom trying to do this outside the confines of wedlock with the much younger dude.
Of course, he ended up getting laid at his uncle’s wedding during the season finale. So I don’t think he thought too much about his own causing a baby to be around on his account next season.
I concur it is no one’s business until you feel the need to tell.