Why not Camp Chrysler? Fort Ford? The USS Peter Paul Mounds Bar?
I think it’d be fun!
For a serious answer, no.
For a non-serious answer, I say “YES” to “Donald Trump presents the USS Donald Trump, the classiest warship ever to sail the high seas”.
Money gives rights. You really want Google to have a say in sensitive military operations? What happens if there’s an accident with the USS Wal-Mart?
Based upon the PR marketing arm of our armed services it would more likely be the opposite where the military pays companies for the privilege of putting their name on their ships, bases, etc.
The Army was going to let us vote on a new name for our firebase for our morale. Then they turned down our choices, “FB Little Big Horn”, “FB Dien Bien Phu II”, and “FB Balaclava” because those would be bad for morale. They let us keep “FB Masada” for a couple of months.
“Now, you mens lissen up! The Major sez your morale is terrible. Until your morale gets better, all leave and liberty is cancelled and there’s gonna be extra duty for everyone e-4 and below. You mens, your shit is flakey. If you don’t get your shit together, the Major and me are gonna jump in your shit! Dismissed!”
They’re better funded than any other government branch, so no. However, Fort Tampax has a certain flair.
I heard it has wings!
This was, of course, the first thing I thought of when I read the OP. Also, it’s yoooge.
“Dear Mrs. Smith, it is my sad duty to inform you that your husband has died bravely defending Camp Taco Bell…”
Seriously though, the names of ships and bases are ways for the military to maintain traditions and links to their pasts. Ships like the USS Wasp (LHD-1) have ten previous USS Wasps to uphold.
Same thing for bases- in almost every case, they’re named after generals or military heroes for much the same reasons.
Troops may have some pride in serving on the USS Wasp, or at Fort Lee, or in the 3rd Infantry Division, but I doubt they’d have any if they served on the USS Baconator, or at Fort Speed Stick, or in the Peet’s Coffee Armored Brigade.
USS Dick Cheney. That would be fun to attack!
Our Captain has a handicap to cope with, sad to tell:
He’s from Georgia, and he doesn’t speak the language very well…
– T. Lehrer
Yikes! It would the ultimate symbol of the corporate and other vested influence over US foreign policy, though maybe a little too stark for some tastes.
Didn’t know they could make gold-plated warships
It’s that cheap plating like from the Franklin Mint – thinner than aluminum foil.
There’s something about “The USS Smoothie King has been deployed to the Area of Operations” that doesn’t exactly fill one with confidence.
“Admiralty, United States Second Fleet to USS Activia: Why are you out of position!?
Report To Station Immediately…!”
Sure. The individual soldiers should have advertising patches and decals on their uniforms, equipment, and vehicles. Maybe use sponsor-themed paint jobs too. Tonight, I think I will paint one of my AR-15’s black and yellow and slap a DeWalt decal on it.
I can see some really horrible PR from the perspective of the corporations – what if your ship is sunk? Or engaged in an extremely controversial battle in which civilians are killed? You could be forever remembered for the Taco Bell U-2 incident.
Nah, they’ll spin it into a heroic sacrifice. Just like Jesus.