Should we get married?

In My Humble Opinion
101

That’s true, but if you are 50, and date for a while, and then break up, your position may not be materially different than it was at the start of that relationship. I guess if you develop a disability in that time it might.

But shelf life isn’t as much of an issue for older Americans, lots of whom date.

102

It might be worthwhile to check into the laws in your state or even get a lawyer to have another look at your wills. Some states have legal domestic partnerships. But you might lose out on Social Security benefits if you get married. Best wishes.

103

That’s what I was w ordering. My boyfriend gets SSI and SSDI. If we married, would he lose his health benefits? Even if I were making a small amount of money?

104

That could be gotten around by setting up living trusts and putting all your assets into those trusts - which also avoids the hassle of probate on anything in the trust.

Some random thoughts, just on the financial / tax aspects:

  • Being married would give one of you access to the other’s Social Security benefits as a survivor. If your income etc. is reasonably close, that might not matter, and I’m not certain of all the details, but I think a spouse can get either 100% of her own benefit, or half of your benefit, whichever is larger.
  • Look into whether you’d have an income tax penalty if you get married. If you use tax software, when you do your taxes this year, look into whether you pay more (in total) if you file as married versus two single people, and also versus “married filing separately” (that last is very rarely a good idea, as I understand it).
  • Inheritance: I believe that when one spouse dies, all their assets pass to the other spouse without being subject to estate tax. If your individual estates are large enough that estate taxes might be an issue, it’s something to consider.
  • Debts: depending on your state’s laws (assuming you are in the US), if one of you has debts, the other might become subject to them if you marry. Similarly if you are in a community property state, any debts the spouse incurs in the future could affect the other spouse.
  • Health insurance: I assume you’ve got that covered already, but if one of you loses a job, being married would help that person get on the still-employed partner’s insurance. Some places already offer domestic partner coverage - but I seem to recall that the employer’s contribution in that case might be taxable (do NOT quote me on that, I just have a vague memory of reading it somewhere).
  • Look into the effect on eligibility for Medicaid-funded nursing home care, should one of you require long-term care that you can no longer afford. I know that if you’re married, the healthy spouse can remain in the house, and does not need to spend down ALL of his assets, but I’m not up on all the nuances of this.

If you meet with an estate planning attorney, s/he can definitely advise you better than a weirdo from a message board :smiley:

105

SSI, yes. SSDI, no.

The system is all kinds of messed up. SSI is meant to help disabled people, but in reality the amounts are so low that living on them is all but impossible. Marriage or earning any income causes the loss of the benefit.

SSDI isn’t at risk because in theory what you earn is based on what you have paid into the system when you were working.

106

Just spotted this, and another thing to think of is what if anything do you plan to leave to your two kids? And if you predecease your girlfriend / wife, do you want all of your assets to go wherever she might have designated as the backup beneficiary? It’s definitely something you’ll want to get squared away - both to prevent hard feelings, and to avoid enriching lawyers unnecessarily.

A trust could handle that - it would basically be “I leave all my money to the Kayaker trust, with Girlfriend as the beneficiary with full access to all the funds while she lives. At the time of her death, the remaining funds shall be distributed to the Meowtown Home for Unwed Cats”.

107

Also not for those of us who are …you know…handsome.:smiley:

108

This is a question for a professional benefits planner. In my area the Easter Seal Society has benefits planners to work with people receiving public benefits.

109

Heh. They have some of my possessions staked out. My son lusts after my 1900 dentist chair. I have some art hanging that my daughter would love to have in her home.

I hope to live long enough to spend most of my money.

The real reason for working out our wills is that my gf’s estate will increase exponentially over the next few years. She has elderly relatives with substantial money who are leaving their fortunes to each other as they die off. She will be one of three inheriting it all eventually.

110

One thing that not everyone is aware of is that steps can be taken to keep inheritances as separate property even if you are married. Typically, assets in a marriage are considered shared regardless of whose name they are in. But if an inheritance stays in an account in just the heir’s name, then inheritance would be considered just that spouse’s and would not be split in a divorce. If the inheritance is put into a shared account, then it’s considered a shared asset of the marriage. Since you’re talking about marriage and sizable inheritances, it’s something to consider. It would be a way to keep the inheritance on her side of the family if that’s what she wants even after marriage.

111

I’m not sure I weighed in before, but hearing this I can unequivocally say, “get married.”

112

When you get your wills updated, you might want to specifically call out items that you want to have going to the kids. I mean, I suspect the girlfriend / wife would be just fine with those things, but it can save angst in a less-congenial situation (e.g. my brother threw a tantrum when Mom’s will said “household goods to be divided as agreed on”).

Your girlfriend might also have an opinion on what becomes of “her” money after you die, if she dies first. That would all go to your secondary beneficiary(ies), if named - or presumably to your kids if you don’t have anything else in place. Which might be fine, but she might prefer that it go to someone else on her side of the family. There’s where a trust can be helpful.

Of course, since you’re the same age, odds are she’ll outlive you.