I’m working on a story now where one of the main characters is having a party for his 18th birthday, and specifies “no gifts” for a number of reasons: it’s late in the school year, thus he knows his graduating friends don’t have money to throw around; he’ll have enough thank-you notes to send after graduation; and “I invited fifty people. Opening fifty presents would take all night.”
But would they have to be opened at the party? Some people might say you don’t have to open a gift in front of the person who gave it to you.
I, however, do. When I give a gift, I put a lot of thought into choosing something that I thought would be really special to that person. I’d much rather see the delight on their face and hear “Omigod…how did you know I wanted this?” I may be wrong to feel this way, but it stings me when I bring a gift to a party or reception, only to be told “Put it over there”, and days or weeks later, receive a note saying “Dear Rilch, thanks for the widget” that gives me no clue as to whether the recipient really liked it or not.
No, according to Miss Manners: “. . . bringing presents to parties, unless they are children’s birthday parties or bridal or baby showers, where opening them is part of the entertainment, is a terrible idea. . . . If people bring things anyway, thank them and put the packages aside while you are greeting other guests. If you are very busy, open them after the party and write a note. If there is a moment in which you can open such presents inconspicuously, do so and thank the giver quietly. And then write the note.” (Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, p. 587)
In another part of the book, Miss Manners suggests that people who throw a birthday party but don’t want gifts should simply announce the birthday at the party rather than in the invitation.
I had my 40th this past summer, and didn’t want to open them in front of my guests. They all wished to see them opened, and were rather voiciferous to that end. I opened them up. And…was faced with not one but TWO " WTC–9/11 " books. It was everything I had to keep a smile screwed onto my face.
Depends on where the curb that you found the chair on is located.
In India, it is a tradition to not open gifts in front of the giver. It is even considered rude to do so.
However, it would depend on the relationship your character shares with the persons he calls over. If it’s informal, I don’t think he should necessarily follow any traditions. Also, depends on the character as portrayed in your story… does he give a rats ass about whether to open gifts at the party ? is he a “do things on impulse” kinda guy ? etc.
No, he’s a “by the book” kind of guy, and he’s been raised to be polite, although not strictly in accordance with Miss Manners (I was amazed to read that she forbids this!). The way his parents conditioned him, it’s crude to accept a gift and put it aside as if the giver owes it to you, instead of giving them the payoff of a reaction…but this is his 18th birthday, and he wants to cut loose and let others cut loose, not hold up the proceedings with a protracted gift-opening ceremony. Another belief his parents have ingrained him with is that when you give a party, the purpose is to pay back the people who have invited you to their parties: it should be slightly more for their enjoyment than for yours.
[tangent]There was a thread, I think in the Pit, a couple years ago, where someone was decrying lavish parties for very small children. Someone detailed the party that a friend or neighbor had given for her daughter’s first birthday, and asked, “Why all that fuss for a kid who doesn’t know the difference?” But there were a lot of adults in attendance, and the menu was specifically mentioned as being geared towards adults. My reasoning was that the mom was trying to cultivate her friends, who presumably had been generous and helpful to her over the last year+9 months.[/tangent]
If the party invitation specified “no gifts”, gifts should not be opened during the party because it will embarrass those who honored the “no gifts” request.
I’m with Miss Manners on this one. Kids opening presents is cute. An adult opening presents is less interesting than said adults conversing or dancing or (my favoriite) eating.
My brother-in-law and his wife live in London and they adopted two British boys. They were back in the states this last summer and all the American aunts and uncles were present on the day of one of the boys birhtdays. The boy did not want to open his gifts and, of course, the Yanks demanded that he open them if front of everyone. The London resident BIL explained that in England presents are opened after the party guests leave. He thought it was done as measure of politeness, as the receiver (either child or adult) may not like the gift, so the giver would not have to see the less than joyful look on the face of the receiver. Sounds like logical English manners to me.
Rilchiam, yes the receiver could, and should. But not everyone has the grace and presence of mind to do so. In the case noted, the newly minted seven year old English lad handled his new Yank relatives with no small degree of dignity. He rolled his eyes, gave us a look, and tore into this gifts with abandon.
In my opinion, it’s ok for kids and bridal showers but that’s it. I find it very embarassing to open gifts in front of a large group and it IS difficult to show the exact same degree of excitement over each gift, so as not to offend anyone. It’s actually stressful for me so I would prefer either no gifts or putting them aside and opening later, like at a wedding. At my bridal shower, I still hated opening them in front of everyone but at least most things were stuff I registered for and was actually pleased to get.
Yes, yes, I know you should appreciate the thought behind the gift, but it’s bad for everyone to get a gift you love and have it show on your face and then open a gift you hate and struggle not to show it. Obviously it’s much easier with your immediate family and I have no problem with that, like at a small intimate gathering. But a big party? Ugh, no way.
Plus, I think it’s incredibly boring to watch other people open gifts. Zzzzzz…At least if you’re going to open gifts at an adult party, don’t make it a big thing and gather everyone up and force them to watch–just start opening them and let whoever wants to watch, watch and let everyone else continue their conversations or eating or whatever.
I like to see the recipient open gifts. I suppose the other way is OK if people were good at writing thank you notes in this country, but we are notoriously BAAAAAD about thank you note etiquitte.