I never took my son’s father to court, we made an agreement between us and stuck to it. Why drag the courts into it? When it comes to the government I’d rather fly under the radar and keep it’s nose out of my life.
When my son’s father died I had no problem getting social security. I didn’t need a copy of his death certificate, just the affidavit of paternity that he signed. I didn’t even have a birth certificate, just the affidavit and the birth registry.
Oh, if *he *were my friend and the one asking advice, I’d suggest that he either go to court or get receipts from the other parent, or maybe both. You’re right, it’s quite possible that he could get screwed if he doesn’t have good documentation and they end up in court down the road. The judge might take his word for it that he’s been paying and how much; his ex might not challenge it. But on the other hand, she could lie and say that money was for something else or she never got it, and he could be ordered to pay back support figured by the court with no consideration for the money he’s been paying.
Really, at some level, we *all * depend on someone’s good will to live up to their responsibilities. She’s trusting him to do right by their child, he’s trusting her to keep doing that.
There is absolutely no reason to go to court. The guy is already paying child support. He has a relationship with the child and sees her often. What do you think anyone will get out of this? The child’s father is possibly dying. How do you think he will be able to produce extra money if he can’t go to work? Your friend already has custody. What is the benefit of a paper saying so? He’s not trying to get custody away from her while he dies, is he? I don’t understand the source of your concerns. Court is there to work out problems when people can’t work them out for themselves, not an automatic next step when you are not married to your child’s other parent. You don’t describe either one of them as being dissatisfied with the arrangement.
What if the guy is so angry it affects his relationship with the child, and then he dies? He has provided support of his own free will and would surely see the fact that he, a very sick man, is now being forced to waste resources going to court as a cruel and hostile action. Maybe he will skip seeing the child so as not to have to interact with his attacker. Would you like to explain to the child why she didn’t get to see her daddy one last time before he died?
In my state, if the father signs an affidavit acknowledging paternity (helpfully provided by the hospital, often attached to on on the back of the birth certificate) then paternity is legally established.
My biggest concern with the OP’s scenario is the lack of a custody order. Again speaking only about my state, but both parents have equal rights to the child. If there is no custody order, and she allows him to take the child for any reason, she has no way to force him to give the child back without going to court for what can be a lengthy and expensive battle. Law enforcement will not force either parent to turn over the child without a court order.
Custody/visitation can be handled by a joint petition and an agreed order at minimal cost and hassle, assuming the parties are in agreement. Most local judges will require a provision for child support be included, but it is sometimes possible to avoid that in particular circumstances, typically with a paragraph reserving the matter until further order of the Court.
Surely you’re joking.
I had a co-worker who had divorced and his ex had custody of the kid. This was a real stand-up guy, honest, hard-working, responsible. Every single week he wrote a check and delivered it to his ex and spent some time with the kids. Then the state came out with a new rule which allowed garnishments for child support. The ex went to court and got a garnishment order. In theory all this would do was make it unnecessary for him to write and deliver a check, she’d get a check from the garnishment processor. In reality the garnishment processor does two things, firstly they charge a fee. It’s not much, somewhere around twenty bucks, but it means now that she’s getting less money than she was, about a week’s worth of school lunches less. Secondly the garnishment company had their heads up their butts and introduced a ridiculous delay in the process. Two weeks after the garnishment order went into effect the ex had not received a check. She’s calling him upset about the situation and he gets frustrated as well. He says “I gave you a check every week for five years, never late, never less than the full amount. Then you decided to take it out of my hands, so guess what, it’s out of my hands. I don’t have the money, it was deducted from my pay. Take it up with the people who have the money.”
The moral of the story is, if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.
Enjoy,
Steven