Showdown of the comic book super-geniuses!!

Cafe Society
1

I think the title is self-explanatory. I’ll throw out a few names:

  1. Brainiac Five.

Pros: has the whole range of super-genius abilities–lightning calculation and photographic memory as well as super-inventiveness. Invented force sheld belt that could hold off even a pissed-off Krytponian. Can hook self up to his computers to add to their processing power.

Cons: Pre-crisis, anyway, he never put that nifty force shield belt to the other other possible uses. Never actually did Supergirl (though may have read Niven and had second thoughts). Despite a thousand years of bad examples to learn from, still invented devices that could easily destroyed Earth, which is where he keeps all his stuff.

  1. Mr. Fantastic

Pros: Great big stretchy brain. Every time he goes broke, he just pops into the lab for the weekend and invents more stuff. Insanely hot wife Rarely devises things that attempt to kill him. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Hank Pym.)
Cons: Ask Ben Grimm. Also, for some reason prefers to spend long hours in lab when his ridiculously hot wife needs attention, which will eventually lead to him being replaced by Namor the Cuckolder.

  1. Lex Luthor

Pros: Has somehow managed to avoid silly super-villain costume for most post-crisis appearances. Makes bald look good. Recognizes that Lois Lane, though hot, is likely more trouble than she’s worth. Elected president without recourse to chad nonsense. Obscenely rich. So self-confident that Hair Club for Men ads have no effect on him.

Cons: Has DC’s greatest super-villain ever actually killed any superheroes?

  1. Inspector Gadget’s Niece, Penny*

Pros: At the tender age of eight, has devised any number of cool devises all on her lonesome. Defeats supervillains and saves bumbling uncle weakly, as often as not using her wits alone.

Cons: Unable to see the world would be better off if someone popped a cap in Uncle Gadget.

  1. Angus MacGyver

Pros: So good at inventing things on the fly from spare parts that his name is a synonym for doing so. Hang-glides.

Cons: Irrational fear of guns. Even more irrational love of mullet.

  1. Victor Von Doom

Pros: Smarter than overhyped rival Mr. F. (Who invented the time machine? Who mastered sorcery.) Conquered entire country single-hand and without even an undergraduate degree. Has enough sense to send robots to battle Thing and Torch and Wolverine. Cause those guys could deliver a hurting. Stole Silver Surfer’s power. Stole Galactus’ power. Stole Beyonder’s power. Stole–you get the picture.

Cons: Lost Surfer, Galactus, and Beyonder’s power almost immediately. Walks around all down in armor which frankly must stink of his own urine by now. Periodically captures chief rival’s hot wife yet never takes advantage of the opportunity to hide cameras in her dungeon.

  1. Batman
    Pros: Really paid attention to scoutmaster. Embezzles millions from multinational corporation without SEC or other authorities ever getting a clue. Despite Wertham slander, prefers
    this to this.

Cons: Wears underwear outside of pants. Broke up with her. Never did it with her or her or her. Insanely intricate contigency plans always backfire somehow and nearly get all his friends killed. Asshole.

Discuss.

*Yeah, I know I always claim there’s no number for inmy lists. But I don’t feel lik being Canadian today.

2

And I forgot to vote myself! :smack:

I say it’s a Reed Richards/Penny Gadget tie.

3

He used it to ‘kill’ Pulsar Stargrave. And to trap the Time Trapper on an isolated planet. And to fly in space without a spacesuit.

He made very good use of his force shield belt.

And AFAICT, the only potential doomsday weapons he created were Computo (an accident) and Omega (he was insane at the time, and a pawn of Stargrave).

Post-Zero Hour (Pre-Crisis is almost worthless for referring to Legion eras), he was more of a jerk, and had a tendency to blow up his labs…and he was kind of stalkery…and he let Brainiac 1 out of prison. And he still created Computo. But he was still one of the 5 greatest minds the galaxy had ever known. (The other 4 being his ancestors Brainiacs 1-4.)

Waid version is really jerkish, but doesn’t even have Computo on the bad side.

Anyway…Brainy takes the day…none of the others have a 12th-level intelligence. They’re mere children compared to him. And Penny’s barely an infant.

4

The A-Team.

pros: could make tanks and / or cannons out of any old rubbish.

cons: not actually geniouses, couldn’t directly kill someone no matter how hard they tried.

5

Actually he didn’t kill Stargrave so much as he tricked PS into killing himself. What I mean is that he rarely used the belt’s capacities OFFENSIVELY.

I think you have to count Omega at least twice. :slight_smile: and I don’t think he was so much a PAWN of Stargrave during the Omega affair as his victim; Stargrave had driven him mad, true, but only by exacerbating his existing instability, and at any rate never intended to have an Omega made.

Oh, he’s my personal favorite. But really, I think Penny is least likely of my seven to, you know, kill people.

6

Note-- Batman recently did do it with Wonder Woman.

This causes him to climb in the rankings.

7

Gotta go with Brainiac. He’s exponentially more intelligent than the entire population of Earth. Combined.

I think you should also have “Mr. Terriffic.” DC’s greatest Renaissance Man.

8

Last page of the comic chronicaling this epic battle.

Show an overview of the consequence it has had all around the world. Then zoom into the wreckage of the most recent battlefield. Zoom in on Luthor. Show that Mr. Mind was inside his ear the whole time.

9

I’m not going to vote until somebody mentions Dr. Sivana. He’s a fellow alumnus.

10

What about The Mad Thinker from the FF?

Thomas Oscar Morrow (T.O.Morrow? Get it? Maybe that alone disqualilifies him) from Green Lantern. He can move things with his mind.

The Brain – no, not from Pinky and the… This was a kid hero from some small comic book company i the 1950s. He came up with great Rube Goldbergesque inventions.

11

Is there a missing link here?

12

I think that Gyro Gearloose deserves at least one write-in vote. Aside from all the other innumerable inventions he produced over the years, the guy managed to create a free-willed, intelligent automaton out of aluminum tubing and an incandescent light bulb. That’s got to count for something.

13

You’ve NOMINATED Thaddeus, but you need to give reasons he outstrips the other candidates.

14

I nominate DESTRO.

Pros–Major weapons manufacturer. Capable of producing tanks, fighters, missiles, & even Space Shuttles. Controls his own country. Has developed energy weapons/anti-gravity pods/robot troopers. Owns an nuclear sub, outfitted as an underwater base. Has his own mercenary army. Wrist missiles. Owns a transforming battle fortress that he designed himself. Major military genius. Vast tactical abilities. Capable of fighting a ninja in hand-to-hand on at least equal terms. Sleeps with THIS WOMAN, who likes black leather, & is going to bear his child.

Cons–Stuck with a loser like Cobra Commander.

15

Ok, I’ll explain the joke. I don’t feel like pitting one scientist above another. However, I wanted to create a scenario which would include my favorite Captain Marvel villain. Thus, I wrote the above scenario. You may have noticed that I did not say if Luthor was the winner. This was intentional. I want whoever read my post to figure it out for themselves. But to get back on subject, I believe that Dr. Sivana would win. After all, he creates amazing inventions, and deathtraps. The big red cheese escaped most of those due to inhuman strength, and or magic. Of all the candidates, only Doom has strength, and it ain’t that of the World’s Mightiest mortal. Also, he has magic, but is likely not to be practiced in it enough to be able to cast a spell of escape or two walk through walls without warning. After all, he figures his teleporter would work. Right?

16

What do you want him to do with it? Hit people with it?

There’s plenty of people in the Legion that can hit things.

Projectile weapons?

There’s plenty of them hanging around anyway.

Brainy’s indirect use of it is both more effective, and more indicative of his genius than knocking people around with it.

If something needs breaking, Superboy, Mon-El(/Valor/M’onel), Supergirl, Ultra Boy, Blok, Laurel Gand/Andromeda, or any number of other heroes are there to do it. If the only way to defeat a villain is to convince him to fire a nova blast inside a force shield, or trap him on a distant world, that’s when Brainy and his force belt shine. (And it’s nitpickery to say ‘he didn’t kill Stargrave’ because of how he did it. Nitpickery that would have likely kept him in the Legion, had the point ever actually come up, but nitpickery nonetheless.)

This is, of course, rather beside the point, since Brainy’s force field belt is only one of his accomplishments - and creating it in the first place would be a great accomplishment, even if he hadn’t used it to its potential. There’s the time beacon, the anti-lead serum, curing Matter-Eater Lad’s insanity (even if he’s responsible for it - in the course of another accomplishment, actually - coming up with a way to destroy the Miracle Machine, to stop Omega), creating Computo - even if it DID get out of his control, he created it, ‘curing’ Douglas Nolan’s nightmares by allowing him to slip to another reality, and so forth.

Penny’s a bright kid, and the others are true geniuses, but Brainiac is by any possible way all this lot could be meaningfully measured against eachother, the winner.

17

He did? In canon? Where? Considering what she did to Devil Ray with her thighs in the most recent episode of JLU I think there should be a “Vagina of Steel, Penis of Klenex” addenum to the “Man of Steel, Woman of Klenex” essay.

As for Bats not doing Batgirl/Oracle she’s basically a niece to him. That’s creepy.

He actually did do Zatana, she just made him forget. :wink:
My vote is for Batman his Ray Palmer in his ear.

18

JLA, near the end of Morrison’s run.

I don’t think they ever actually managed to pull it together, though. They made dates they (meaning Bruce, generally) never kept, flirted, and then decided a relationship wouldn’t work.

19

So instead of Batman with Wonder Woman, Batman with Batgirl, or Batman with Zatanna… you vote for Batman with Ray Palmer?

In the ear?

Dude… that’s just gross.

20

Oh, please. He’s not that much older. Barbara had to be at least 20 when she first put on the tights (she was a college grad, I think, and smart as she is I simply don’t believe she graduated from high school before 15 or 16). That was about Year 3 or 4, I think, so Bruce would have been 29 or 30, I should think. She’s been an adult–just a younger adult than he–for their entire relationship.