No, I’m not getting into anything kinky here. It was a matter of expediency and convenience.
I’ve mentioned in past threads (don’t bother searching - they’re not that interesting) that my dogs are idiots who love to escape. We thought we’d solved the problem by keeping Pixel, the escape artist dalmatian, on a chain when we had to leave. Bernie, the semi-crippled border collie mutt only escaped to follow Pix, so she had free range of the yard, while Pix had access to the deck, the basement and about half the yard. We thought the chain was short enough that she couldn’t get over the fence and hang herself.
Last week, Bernie was spooked by a thunderstorm, and instead of going into the basement, she went over the fence. When I came home from work, she was standing on the neighbor’s front walk, soaking wet, and she came galloping over to see me. Then next day, no thunder or rain, Bernie went over the fence again, and Pixel followed. I don’t know how she managed it, but her harness was hanging from the chain over the top of the gate.
We pulled into the driveway and some neighbor girls were there trying to hose off the dogs - both were thick with mud. Obviously they’d been into the wetlands behind our house, among other places. The girls managed to get the worst of the mud off Pixel, but Bernie was pretty messy. We put them back in the yard, blocked off their escape route (it looks awful right now, but I’ll be putting in 6’ high fencing next week) and finished our chores.
I brushed Bernie and got a lot of the surface mud off her coat. But both were still dirty and definitely stinky. So, I decided to clean them this morning. Usually, we just wash them in the back yard. Usually, I make the Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] wash them, but she’s on the boat with my husband for the next couple of weeks. So it was up to me. Inspiration struck.
Our shower is about 4’X5’, all tiled, with a door that closes very securely. I figured it’d be very easy to control them in there, one at a time, and when they shook, I wouldn’t have water all over the place. So I grabbed a couple of old towels and a plastic pitcher, and prepared to do battle. They shoulda known something was up - they’re not allowed in our bedroom, but they had to come thru there to get to the shower.
Pixel first. She went in readily enough, but she didn’t like it when I shut the door, and she liked it less when I turned on the water. About that time, I was wishing we had one of those hand-held shower sprayers so I could soak her underside. No biggie - I made do with the pitcher. Soap her up, rinse her off, check and rewash the crud I missed, rinse again. I managed to hold her front legs up and stand her under the shower to rinse her belly and chest. She shook off a few times, I toweled her the best I could, then turned her loose. My back was a bit achy from bending over so long as I scrubbed her, but I had a clean dog.
One down, one to go.
Bernie came into the bathroom willingly. She let me take off her collar. She turned to go. I pointed her nose at the shower, she wasn’t impressed. I pushed her toward the shower. She resisted. Silly dog - she should have known that I would win.
As I said, Bernie is a border collie mutt, mixed with lab, we think. We try to keep her hair cut - otherwise we have clumps of black hair all over the house. However, it’s been a while since we had her trimmed last, so her coat’s a bit long. It was also thick with dried mud and muck. And she hates being bathed. Lucky for me, she couldn’t get any purchase on the tile floor of the shower, so I could slide her where I needed her.
First step was to wet her down and try to remove as much dirt as possible. Much of it was stuck to her rump and underbelly. More bending, coupled with rasslin’ her into position under the water… oh my back! I soaped her up and scrubbed away more crud - I could see the dark water heading down the drain. She decided to sit. I had to keep picking up her ass end. She kept moving toward the door. I had to keep dragging her back under the water. She was way filthier than Pixel had been. I kept wishing I had a littler dog.
But the deed was soon done, and I got her rinsed off and toweled off. All this time, Pix was sitting outside the shower, whining as if she wanted in. This from the dog who couldn’t wait to get out! As soon as I let Bernie out, they started growling and rassling. Whatever. They were done. It was my turn.
I still need to scrub the shower, but I ran out of steam. I rinsed the worst out and sprayed down the shower walls. Then I shut the door and turned out the light. Maybe tomorrow. I’m done cleaning stuff for today. I wish Rue lived close to me - I’d hire him to clean them while I sip lemonade and listen to soothing music.
See - no kink. Just me and my two clean doggies.
