A friend just sent me an email detailing her accompanying a buddy to LAX to pick up an old friend of his, flying in from England. First of all, the woman was pissed that her flight was delayed and that security was so tight. Yeah, wouldn’t want to be inconvenienced in the name of safety. But the killer was this little exchange, made on the drive home:
You know what? FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU HARD.
FUCK YOU HARDER WITH GARDEN TOOLS AND LAWN FLAMINGOS.
***NOW GO BACK TO YOUR FUCKING ISLAND, ***
…both the literal one and the one your mentality is parked in.
I think I would have killed her. Be a little more insensitive for your hosting country, bitch. (She was concerned prior to the trip that Disneyland might be closed. Effing selfish tourist mentality…)
I don’t blame you for being irritated Ruffian, and I don’t mean to make light of your fury in any way. However, I wanted to thank you for giving me a new exclamation. Next time I am shocked instead of shouting “Christ on a crutch!” or something, I’m going to try “Fuck me with a Lawn Flamingo!”
I hate to put a damper on such a fine rant, but to be fair to the tourist I should note that there is very little tradition of individuals (or businesses) flying the Union Jack in the U.K. It seems to me most likely she was genuinely confused about the reason.
Considering England probably had it’s worse loss of a civilian life in a single day since WW2 (over 200 Brits are missing at the WTC ) She’s probably on the low end of their gene pool and we shouldn’t take her as a representive of that nation. We have our nitwits too. Maybe all nations should label their fools before they are allowed to travel.
“How come yer money is called pounds? It don’t weigh much!”
“Are you bleeding daft?” Sees label, “Oh nevermind.”
This is a peculiar exchange of words. At best the comments are totally insensitive, at worst they are provocative.
I am sure that an attitude such as this is unrepresentative of British people. Every country has inhabitants who can be considered as strange, and this example is at the top end of that scale, unless the woman had been locked in a cupboard ignoring the news for a week.
I am willing to bet that this woman was in the front rank of mourners for Diana in 1997, complete with flowers, teddy bear and flag.
So basically yes, fuck her. Hard. Harder with gardening implements. And Large Colourful Birds.
I’d agree with that but, of course, we haven’t seen anything on this scale anywhere before so it’s difficult to gauge what the public reaction might be – she may just have been stupid enough to not make the connection. Also, it’s one heck of a flight (was she delayed more, perhaps) with the extra strain of the events telling on her judgement.
Certainly we ought not to generalize British reaction because of this woman - I still recall the feeling of gratitude and pride when the Brits played the National Anthem for the changing of the guard after the attack. Tom Clancy once said, “Countries do not have friends. They have, at best, common interests. The exception to that is the U.S. and the U.K.”
Her comment was boorish and ill-considered. But I’d hate for the U.S. to be judged based on tourist comments made overseas.
I do have to say I rather liked my lawn flamingo fucking.
Anyway–let’s get one thing straight. I, by no means, believe this shitwit is representative of her country. Morons know no boundaries. English people, for the most part of my existence, are very cool.
I emailed my friend pretty much verbatim what I posted here. She laughed and said really, this person wasn’t so bad once she got to her. She had been travelling 20 hours, and my friend did point out that the English do not fly the Union Jack in the way Americans fly their own flag. The girl, now fully rested, is interested in the news and goings-on in America.
Still, as my friend pointed out, if she carries on with an attitude like that, she’s going to get lynched.
Send her back home–she apparently checked her brains at the ticket counter. I bet she’s one of those dopes who still refers to the US as “the colonies.”
Evidently the tourist in question is completely unaware that our national anthem is a song written because the national flag was still flying when the UK tried to kick our butts.
Perhaps a good response would’ve been, “Actually, wench; we’re flying it to rub it in YOUR individual face. The rest of the British, you know, the ones with sense, we like. You, on the other hand, are contemptible pond scum.”
Um…you do know I don’t mean real birds? Lawn flamingos are those horribly tacky plastic lawn ornaments seen, at least in my experience, in Floridian mobil-home-retirement-parks. They also make appearances wherever poor taste abounds.
Although fucking her hard with actual REAL flamingos is damn funny, too.
) She’s probably on the low end of their gene pool and we shouldn’t take her as a representive of that nation. We have our nitwits too. Maybe all nations should label their fools before they are allowed to travel.
