Sickie Chick reaches a new low... (All hell!)

The BBQ Pit
1

Y’know, just when it seems that ol’ Jack T. [del] Sick[/del] Chick is starting to run out of ideas, he comes up with a tract with the entire action taking place in heck. Anything else is a flashback, or description of past events.

The main thrust of this tract’s “logic” is to make a point using the Satanic POV. This, I’m sure, is unique for a Chick tract, but C. S. Lewis did something very parallel in * The Screwtape Letters *. And good old Clive Stapes actually did it rather well.

And I wonder: Did whatsisJack perchance actually read Lewis? I can sort of see one of his friends persuading him that Lewis satire, if not allegorical fiction, would be safe to read.

Careful! It’s hot!

Levels in hell is not something Chick-Little has used before, except in “A Demon’s Nightmare” – and we never saw any humans in heck in that one, only demons getting their come-uppance – downward! Maybe Jerk had always feared that it would be too liberal an approach, and not scare people enough. You know, they perhaps would figure that they will have earned only the mildest form of hell. Perhaps the idea is that everyone in Basic Training-Hell ends up in the same Lake of Fire anyway, so the temporary difference would not really matter. (It’s clear enough from the tract that Judgment Day has not yet transpired.) While we are on the subject, it never made much sense for Satan to be ruling from heck-fire. Sure, maybe he and his demons are immune to that fire (although that’s contradicted, at least for demons, in “a Demon’s Nightmare”) but the Lake of Fire would burn everyone, including him.

You would think that even JTC would have more sense than to have Old Nick think that heaven was his with “God’s Son” destroyed. Seems to me that there would still be two out of three left to contend with.

Was that Fang that the demon urged not to pet? For a demon he seems almost polite here, BTW.

Could anyone be stupid enough to try, though?!

In general, many of the tracts portray heck and Satan and his demons in such a silly way that I wonder what really goes on in the author’s mind. I would never risk muting an important point with silliness.

What say you?

2

I remember when I thought hell was a real place.

Good times.

3

:eek:

But, actually, now I can’t take comfort in total you-know-whats roasting forever.

Especially religious ones!

Bummer!

4

I liked his claim that Satan controls every major religion in the world. I almost buy that.

5

Don’t trust anyone except your local pamphleteer. Coincidentally.

6

Well, it sure looked real when they showed Dean Winchester going there on Supernatural.

7

Well at least this one has Fang and a “HAW HAW” in it. Also, is Chickieboy tellin’ us Satan is a Texas Longhorn?

OOOOH! Anybody else notice that you can now own a starter kit? One each of every current tract in a handy carrying case! Don’t know about y’all, but my Christmas shopping is done! :smiley:

8

I like how the guy’s name is actually Gramps.

9

That’s an awfully… something… nose on the devil.

10

Oh my lord! Yep, same here. Holiday shopping for everyone except my folks? Done and done. :slight_smile:

11

Not to mention that the two demons know exactly who “Freddy” is.

Oh, yeah, on another angle:

Old whatsisface can’t keep his facts straight. We actually see ANGELS being thrown down to hell, only to be turned into demons when they get there! Yet in one of his full-sized comix, Jerk has them turned into ugly, animalistic demons first, and then shoved down the chute. Well, golly, gee willikers, which one is it?!

But of course JTC is only human-- at the very most. It’s a good thing that the Bible, OTOH, doesn’t involve any contradictions at all. :wink:

I mean, just ask Kanicbird! :rolleyes:

12

I like that Satan sits behind a desk, apparently. There must be a lot of paperwork when you run hell.

13

Oh, there’s nothing but paperwork in hell. bwahahahahaaaa.

14

It’s odd how unscary Hell seems in that tract. It’s like a fucking Far Side cartoon or something–demons that are entirely cartoonish, even downright goofy, as are the “damned sinners”; lots of flames but no one actually in them.

Real depictions of the traditional notion of Hell–you know, people screaming and writhing in unendurable agony as they are burned in lakes of flaming sulfur for ever and ever–are pretty sickeningly terrifying. Of course, if you show that, people might start questioning just why it is your God goes around condemning billions of people to gruesome, vicious, eternal torture for such petty and arbitrary reasons.

15

New low? Chick has a long way to go before he can reach the level of The Cocksucker. (Language NSFW.)

16

Ever notice in his tracts that whenever someone asks Jesus to come into their lives or whatever, they always kneel down with their butts up in the air? What’s up with THAT? I don’t know, but if I were Jesus, I’d be pretty offended at someone showing me their ass.

17

Why does Jack Chick always get pitted around here? No one gives a fuck about him. It’s like pitting shit for smelling bad.

18

He’s not being pitted, he’s being enjoyed.

19

Fuck Jack Chick. Fuck him with a red-hot poker. Fuck Jack Chick down on his knees sucking a giant shit-smeared cock, gagging on the thing, barely able to breathe - while being forced to jerk off another scummy prick. Both of 'em big, both of 'em juicy. Behind him is one of Satan’s imps, shoving that poker in and out of his flabby ass, making sure to scrape the underside of the nutsack real good with the curved part of the poker’s end. During all of this, a congregation of twelve dirty demons is surrounding Chick’s sprawled out mess of a body, furiously jerking and grunting until they shoot their hot scum all over Chick’s ugly face and his torso. The demon scum is acidic and it eats through his skin, all the way down to his bones, and just barely stops there; he’s screaming in pain, begging for mercy, but the hellspawn show none of it. Finally, just when he thinks - prays - that the whole thing is over, two Hell Barons and a Mancubus grab ahold of his body - barely even breathing, by this point - and fuck him some more until every goddamn fuck-hole in his carcass is oozing blood and demon-scum. And to top it all off, Satan himself leaps down from his throne of skulls and bones, head-first, and then impales Chick’s stomach - bloated with demon semen - with his two horns, splattering the whole bloody issue all over the goddamn room.

20

Oh-OK. Whatever.