Silly, silly question re: shipping

My mother wants to know if she could use the postage machine to ship me across the U.S. via the USPS. I am aware this is one of the silliest questions ever asked in GQ, and may actually be an IMHO issue.

But, can she?

[sub]I asked three times if she wanted me to ask, really, and she said yes. So here we are.[/sub]

I am pretty sure the USPS forbids shipping of most living creatures. And also human bodies.

Silly, silly counterquestion: Are you Flat Stanley?

I’m not, but I only wish I were. Because then I’m pretty sure the answer would be, “Yes, yes you can ship yourself.”

I think it could probably be done, not legally, but still done.

Do you have a fetish for risking being folded, spindled, or mutilated? 'Cos that’s probably another thread…

Probably cheaper to go by bus. And certainly gotta be more comfy.

You should really listen to the Velvet Underground’s “The Gift” before you let anyone mail you anywhere.

I tried to calculate the postage cost on the USPS web site and it said “I’m sorry, the weight may not exceed 70 pounds.” So I’d guess the answer is no. UPS has a more generous limit of 150 lb, but I still wouldn’t fit in it. The UPS Tariff has this to say about transporting animals:

I’m pretty sure UPS will not give you the written authorization to ship a live human being.

Would you survive the irradiation the USPS uses to kill anthrax?

I wish I could give a cite, but I can’t remember where I heard this–it’s a supposedly a true story.

During the depression, a little girl was shipped to visit her grandmother as freight rather than a passenger. The mother consulted with the train conductor and they decided she could count as “baby chicks.”

Okay, then, I’m going with nope, and I thank you all for your help. My mother is satisfied; the fight against ignorance can claim another victory.