The typical one-year-old birthday in my experience is liberal smooshing of cake and ice cream (more on hands and clothes than in mouth), then birthday boy or girl “opens” presents with Mom’s and/or Dad’s assistance. Birthday boy or girl is more interested in playing with the boxes than what they contained.
I just asked my 12-year-old son what was the earliest birthday he remembered. He says it was his 4th and cited the presents he received.
The first birthday he had that included anyone but family was his 10th. And then it was just his school friends, not their parents.
Birthday parties for kids not yet in school seem more like events intended for the adults around them. I’ve heard that your first and hundredth birthday parties aren’t meant for you because you’ll have no idea what’s going on.
A little cake in the face for a charming stock baby picture (mine was chocolate) seems good, but throwing a production in the wake of everything else you’ve got going on seems sort of silly.
The birthday parties I’ve taken my son to have been excuses for the adults to hang out, drink beer and barbecue while the kids play in the kiddy pool by the picnic table in the backyard.
My son’s party on the other hand is cake and presents the night before, and we’ll just stick to that until he wants a party. Then I’ll have to think what to do because his is Christmas day (thus the night before, to keep it seperate from Christmas itself) and there’s no way we can have a birthday party then.
I don’t see the need to have anything beyond the family for a one-year birthday myself. (My baby sister falling asleep in her special baby cake is one of my favorite memories.)
However, many of my Asian co-workers put on a huge spread for their baby’s one-year birthday (I’ve seen it with Fillipinos and there’s an Indonesian gal having hers next week). It seems as though for some people, a big party for the baby’s first birthday is the norm. As in, rent out a hall and get caterers.
I’ll admit I haven’t read through the whole thread, but could there be a cultural expectation in line with this?
I wish there were a cultural expectation. My friends are born-and-bred Americans, one from Philly, the other from Nebraska. If anything, my husband, who is from India, would be more likely to want the big party for cultural reasons, though he didn’t. We once went to an enormous party for his friend’s one-year old where they rented out a restaurant, catered, etc., as you described. Said friend was from Bombay. It was an insane amount of people and the kid passed out within about 40 minutes while the adults mingled drinking mango lassis and wolfing down huge amounts of fabulous curries and rotis.
We had a rather samll affair for my daughter’s first birthday. Only 16 Elephants were available, due to restrictive animal cruelty “laws”, and the trained tigers were all heavily sedated.
Queen Elizabeth herself was present (but not the rest of the royal family, as it was a “small” affair.) We had an Ice rink flown in, and by judicious use of several third world veternarians and their “special” medications were able to coax several of the elephants to don skates.
The Fireworks were, perhaps a bit over the top, considering the smallness of the affiar, but how often does one get a chance to have them launched from the space shuttle?
Luckily We were able to reunite the beatles to sing “Happy Birthday to You” (this was quite a few yrs ago).
Several of the neighbours were unable to understand the sense of occaision, and telephoned the local constabulary due to noise (Did I mention the fighter jet fly overs?)… So we had them shot.
Too bad we forgot to take pictures…
All that aside… A cake, some relatives, and put the money you would have spent on a BIG celebration into a college savings fund… it will do more good there…
The first birthday that had nonfamily or ultra close friends [mine not my parents] was one I threw for myself when I hit 16y. I self catered dinner for about 15 friends. I did have a part in a deb ball that my parents paid for, but in their class it was expected and wasnt a birthday party.
Nobody ever thought we were wierd for not having birthday party events…
You didn’t have a birthday party for your one year old?!
Oh … my … God! :smack:
So there wasn’t a professional video of the whole day and you didn’t hire clowns / magicians / mime artists / jugglers?!
You didn’t post full details of the day on your blog and copy it to your annual e-mail?!
You didn’t hire a hall and invite the entire family, all friends and any children whose parents you could network with?!
We had a party for the Small One’s first birthday, and lots of people were invited, but they were all family and close friends/may as well be family. The Small Girl is the first of her generation in our family so it was neat for everyone to get together to celebrate. We didn’t have any of HER friends because at one year old you don’t really have “friends.” We all sat around and watched her destroy a cake. It was great.
The OP’s so-called “friends” are assholes. Who raises a stink over how you celebrate a kid’s birthday? Jesus.
Your friend is obviously in need of other things to keep her occupied.
Having said that, I’d like to explain that in my world (Indiana, white bread, nothing special), the baby’s first birthday party is a big deal. Surrounding any given baby there may or may not have been a baby shower, at which the baby was not visible. After the baby is born, the parents are absolutely NOT expected to do any kind of entertaining because… well, they have a newborn to deal with. The rest of the family will, no doubt, see the kid at Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter or the Fourth of July, but those events are dedicated to other things.
The first birthday, though, is like the kid’s formal introduction into the family and circle of friends and the neighborhood. It’s when the critter gets shown off. By that time the parents are in better shape to be throwing a party.
A special cake is baked for the baby, preferably a chocolate one with lots of oozy frosting. It is given to the baby. The baby proceeds to make a mess of the cake, itself, and everything in a six foot radius. Everyone takes pictures. Then the kid is carted off for a bath and a nap.
My family isn’t real big about celebrating other birthdays, except those of family members which fall conveniently close to holidays, or decade markers. But the first birthday is a big deal. I guess it’s tribal of us to think so.
My parents invited a bunch of their friends and one child around my age to my first party. I also don’t remember any of my birthdays until my fourth one, much like freckafree’s son.
(Paraphrased) *“My friends are now extremely irritated with me and my husband because I dared allow my kid to turn one without having a big party!”
“I got an irate call from this woman’s husband about two hours before the party demanding why I hadn’t RSVP’d.”*
Not the actions of friends, in my book. Respect for your decisions and benefit of the doubt would have been nice. Talking about these matters would have been nicer yet.
I’ve never understood the hysterical need to have an enormous party for a first birthday - unless it is because the mom wants the attention. Which in my observation is usually the case. Except enormous parties in rented halls are pure hassle and exhaustion… Just crazy. Really, why not just drop a piece of chocolate cake in front of the kid, snap a few pictures and call it a day.
Our policy has been the kids can have a birthday party (with friends and decorations and goodie bags and so on) when they are old enough to ask for one.
We’ll have the first one later this summer for The Butterfly who is turning 5.
Describes exactly how I feel about The Nephew’s huge birthday party when he turned 1yo.
Or maybe I should say parties. First there was the huge family meal (Keh-RAIST, I’m trying to lose weight here! No, I don’t want three different kinds of cake, I don’t even want one kind of cake! I normally have one dish for lunch and we had three plus salad plus fruit plus cheese…), then the coffee for SiL’s coworkers, then the huge bash for the parents’ friends (including two other kids between 15mo and 20mo), then the smaller bash for the parents’ friends from another town (including a 7yo).
That is exactly all you need. Get a cake, light a candle, take a picture, end of ceremony. The kid will want that picture when s/he turns 30 and/or has a baby. Until then, a first birthday is something not thought of.
And speaking of hugely successful bday parties, when our boy turned two, we bought an inflatable pool, a sprinkler, a slide mat and a dozen inflatable beach balls (about $40 in total, thank you Walmart). The kids (ages 2-10) had a blast. So the parents had to sweat the afternoon in our backyard with no alcohol. Big deal. The party was not for them. Over a year later, all the kids invited still talk about that day.
It doesn’t stop there you know, the birthday party planning keeps growing. Many kids I know have a birthday party every single year! ANd the high expectations of the parents of the friends you are inviting keep growing too! They check the party venue, the party take home bag. how long is the party, what fantastic theme will it be this year? Because if you don’t keep up your end of the birthday party extravaganza you will get tossed off the guest list next year and horrors, you dont want to be the parent of a kid that is not invited to a birthday party. :rolleyes:
Sweet sixteen wants a car and a party at the Ritz, how did that happen?
Well, I work in a private school, and it works like this:
Years ago the birthday child would invite everyone in their class to their party (5/6 year old children). The party would often be on school grounds with karaoke and dancing, with the children running wild and the parents sitting about drinking coffee completely ignoring their out of control offspring. Then the school got wise and banned on-campus parties, so the parties moved to various sports centres etc close by.
The fashion now is to invite the entire grade level (up to 60 children) to your party and out-do one another with bowling, hiring a cinema, swimming parties…
You know what? It’s ugly. It’s all about what presents are received, which well-off or famous people’s children attended your party, who can Mummy and Daddy network with…
We have some sane parents, their children have no more than 8 of their friends to sleep over or go out for pizza. These are more often less bratty and better-mannered children…
Some parents ask to bring fairy cakes into class with a bottle of coke and a cake with candles, and that counts as the birthday party. We are always happy too do this!
Children who have birthdays during the summer (like me!) often miss out on parties because everyone is away, so we invite parents to celebrate their child’s half-birthday. Children with June birthdays have their fairy cakes in school in December etc. This could also work for children who have birthdays on big holidays! Those children with Christmas birthdays could have a half-birthday picnic in June!
overlyverbose these ‘friends’ of yours sound very odd, and it makes me think there is something else nagging at them and the whole birthday thing was just a chance to vent. I think you should be able to celebrate, or not, your child’s birthday as you wish. Hopefully without it becoming a game of one-man-upship among your social group.
I think birthdays are about family and celebrating the birthday girl/boy, not about presents and popularity contests. It’s your child, you go ahead and please yourselves, and him. It really has nothing to do with anyone else.
IANAP but I think having big parties for babies is weird. I worked with a guy who invited everyone over for his son’s 1st birthday party.
We didn’t go, we had plans to be out of town, but I would have felt odd going to a b-day party for some kid I didn’t know.
If it had been ,say, a get together (backyard BBQ or some other sort of deal) and have a small hey it’s juniors b-day, were having cake and ice cream, and it is just sort of integrated into the party, I would think that that would be better. That way people (non-family) don’t feel obligated to buy presents for a kid.
