How do you give someone a compliment or comment on something without it coming off as sarcastic? I know I have received my share where maybe the person had good intentions but it sounded to me kind of odd or sarcastic.
Such as?
That is a good question.
The answer, which I am actually illustrating at the moment, is to follow it up with thoughtful and well crafted reasons for why you gave the compliment. This removes the problem of context, where some strange (and perhaps seemingly really strange) anonymous person just said something nice about your post, but you are leery of being trolled, or being made a fool of.
The other answer is to just not take anything too seriously, compliment or sarcastic sneering shitpost, it’s random strangers interacting with out facial cues, inflection or body language, so it’s sort of comes with the territory.
For example, on this very board, I read something which was cool, and I complimented it by saying “cool story”, but it was read as “cool story bro”, which apparently is a sarcastic response. (in my day, cool story bro was a real compliment, not a snark)
I got warmed for it! Which is why I rarely even try anymore. Hell, this posy might be read as sarcastic by some. Fuck em. If you care that much about anonymous cowards, or how somebody will perceive you on the internet, you are going to have a bad day.
Sometimes people will pretend they think a compliment was sarcastic when they know it was sincere as a means of deflecting it. Very few people are good at accepting compliments, especially if they, thenselves, are not proud of the aspect complimented.
Good answer!
Okay, I posted that comment as an experiment. I really did mean it, but I’m wondering whether anyone will have interpreted it as sarcastic. I don’t really think so, but I don’t know. How big of a problem is this?
Use your voice, don’t type it.
And if you do type it and if its being received in a way that is different from your intent? Pick up the phone.
I just had a recent instance of this very thing. I won’t quote or link to it, but it was clear after it was called to my attention that what I said might have sounded snarky or sarcastic. I didn’t mean that tone, but there it was – no denying it. I try to hear the thing and, if it sounds questionable, put up a smiley or a grin or a wink. If I don’t hear the snark I won’t add the emoticon, but sometimes I wish I had played it safer.
I’m so used to “cracking wise” that it’s hard to see when I have stepped over the line.
In text, I don’t think a one-line response can be conclusively determined to be sincere.
Is this question meant to be about message board posts? Or actual in-person conversations? Because they are very different things.
One that I learned the hard way: “Say, you don’t sweat much for a fat girl” will NOT be taken as a compliment.
Both actually, but I was mostly talking about real life.
If your conversation generally includes sarcastic or snappy comments, your non-sarcastic compliments are first going to register as sarcastic. It may be part of how people see you in a more universal way.
That doesn’t work for everyone…
Well in that case, I would think tone of voice and facial expression could add to the apparent sincerity of the compliment.
I congratulated my niece on being admitted to one of the top public universities in the country (Cal Berkeley). She thought I was being sarcastic because she had been under pressure to get into Harvard/Yale/MIT/Stanford by her insane mother, my sister in law. The kid was being made to feel a complete failure by her mom. So when I called she was primed to be insulted.
Ironically, when my sister referred the the mom as a “tiger mom” intending it to sting, she took it as a straight up compliment.
How sarcastic are you usually? And are you having problems with people who know you or with relative unknowns?
My mother was so stingy with compliments, and the few she gave so backhanded, that when she started giving actual ones our collective response was “very funny, haha :mad:”. OTOH, when my brothers and I compliment each other, there is no doubt. There is even no doubt when a backhand is actually a compliment/thanks (“oh great, how am I supposed to be helpful if she has already done everything? 
Don’t complain I’m not helpful, eh!”). But that’s because of Commandment Zero, “know thy people”.