Sing along with our pets!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So my fiancee just fired off an angry email to my inbox. It seems she has a stupid song stuck in her head and she has been singing it at work. It is the charming ditty I created while making her dog dance in the living room.

:: Sung to the tune of “Ben” by the Jackson 5 ::

*Dog, you have four paws and one wet nooooooose
You are hairy so you don’t wear clooooooothes
Wheeeeen a raccoon’s in the yard
You growl and you bark
If not for window glass
That coon would kick your aa-aa-aa-ass.
*

What? It’s not like you don’t sing to your pets.

And it’s not my fault her co-workers think she’s lost her mind.

2

That is indeed a charming ditty. Really, just lovely!

Here’s the song I sing to my dog. It’s not very creative and may be one reason why my dog does not dance.

(To the tune of “the Happy Birthday Song”.)

He’s a good boy to me
He’s a good boy to me
My Dino’s a good boy
He’s a good boy to me

3

sung to the tune of that “I’m a nut” song.

“I’m a little nenna-bug
lying on the nenna-rug
come give me a nenna-hug
I’m a mutt…fuzzy butt
I’m craaaaazy!”

There are any number of variations on this.

4

To the tune of I Love The Nightlife by Alicia Bridges:

I love the cat life
I’ve got two kitties
And they both go miAAOW oh yeah

5

Hey, now that one’s snazzy!

A little more obscure is one I wrote for Squiggy (back when I was working as a carpenter on a production of “Paint Your Wagon”). It’s much easier to make him dance because he’s a lot smaller than the dog.

(Sung to the tune of “They Call the Wind Mariah”)

*Away out here, the cats freak out
For breakfast, lunch, and dinner
But Sguiggy asks
For mid-day snacks
His favourite treat is liver.

It’s liiiiiiiiver!
It’s liiiiiiiiver!
Squiggy asks for liver!*

That one I won’t sing when my fiancee’s around because it’s a bit more embarassing.

ETA: The dancing part is fun to do though because of that weird “Doodley-doo! Doodley-doo!” thing you have to do between the “liiiiiver” bits (if there were violins, that is).

6

to the tune of “Vasoline” by The Faming Lips

I gotta dog his
name is earl
he eats his turds, they
make him hurl
he throws up o-o-on the floor
m-a-a-an, I’m sore
this is su-u-uch a chore

I gotta dog her
name is sis
leave her too long and
there’s gonna be piss
she pees o-o-on the floor
m-a-a-an, I’m sore
this is su-u-uch a chore

7

To the tune of the Molson Canadian Bubba of Beer commercial:

Everywhere we go, there’s plenty of cat hair
That comes from a Bubba-ba-Bree Bree Bree
Bubba-ba-Bree Bree Bree!

And the not very original, to the tune of Dr Pepper:

She’s a kitty, she’s a kitty
wouldn’t you like to be a kitty too?
Kitty kitty, oh kitty kitty!

I don’t sing that one much.

And while it isn’t about our pets, another song I sing with new lyrics is about my family (I’m just replacing our 2-syllable family name with XX though):

To the tune of “Crazy Train” by Black Sabbath

Crazy, but that’s how it goes
The whole XX family
on a really high dose
Maybe it’s not too late
to learn how to live, if we all medicate!

There are more lyrics, but they tend to identify my family’s various health problems directly so I won’t write them out here! I am quite proud of my work, though!

8

This cracks me up. The song is so sweet at that point, it’s like you’re gently breaking the hard truth to the dog.
I have another, which I’ve posted before, but it’s been a while and anyway it’s my best work!

To the tune of Do You Hear What I Hear (Christmas carol):

Said the cat to the people everywhere
Do you see what I have?
Underneath my tail, everyone
Do you see what I have?

It’s pink, it’s pink
And it doesn’t stink
Cause I wash it with my-y tongue
Yes, I wash it with my-y tongue!

9

Oh, now that’s just gross.

10

Man you guys are making me feel seriously inadequate! I have a dog and I do not make up songs for her - and even if I did they wouldn’t be as awesome as all y’alls songs.

Best I can do is sing sunday school songs for her. I tell people we like songs about Jesus.

11

Yeah, but if you know cats, you know how proud they are of their behinds. They want to show the world!

12

Beautiful Doglet
Doglet of love
My little doglet
Sent from above.

You are my doglet
So brave and true
And I love you
Doglet I do.

Beautiful DOGLET
DOGLET - OF LOVE.

(Toi the tune of Beautiful Dreamer when it’s sung by Bruce Darnell as he plays the character Cousin Muley in Bonanza. Don’t ask.)

13

*Ooh, my little kitty cat, my kitty cat–
Whatcha gonna do with your _____, Fiona?

My-my-my-my-my, My Fiona!*

This takeoff of the Knack’s “My Sharona” is what we sometimes sing to Fiona. We fill in the blank with whatever is occupying her interest at the time: a ball, a treat, a toy of some sort.

14

We used to get our dog to sing to us.

15

I would rap to my cat when he was still around.

Yeah, you’re a fat black cat,
Ya sleep on a mat,
Ya peed in my hat.
Ya look like Yasser Arafat!
(Whadda ya think of that?)
Boom, boom, chick-a boom!

16

Sung to “Frosty The Snowman”

Rocky’s a good dog
Although he is a hog
He grunts and burps
When he drinks he slurps
And he snore’s sawing logs.

17

“Charles to the left of me,
Pierre to the right,
Here I am,
Stuck in the middle with Newt.
Yes, I’m… stuck in the middle with Newt.”

My husband did an entire song (to the tune of It’s the End of the World As We Know It by REM)

That’s great, it starts with a shmall shnack, birds and
snakes, a cockroach and Charles the Cat is not afraid.
I’ll never do that again, kitty tummy starts to churn - cats
serves their own foods, kitty serve your own feeds. Feed
it off a meow hiss, growl, no, fur, Litter
start to clump up with fear fight down nausea. Claw
in a paw, representing five nipples, a kitty from the city
with teeth that bite. Noses wet and coming in
a hurry from the bathroom to lick your face. Three by
three, shmall kitties caught, collared, leashed, washed.
Look at that low playing! Fine, then. Uh oh,
overflow, population, common food, but it’ll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself. Kitties serves their own needs,
Lookin at your skin bleed dummy with the shorts on and
the cats in laps right, right. You schizophrenic,
allergenic, slam, fight, cat riot, not a pretty site.

It’s the end of the world as cats know it.
It’s the end of the world as cats know it.
It’s the end of the world as cats know it and it’s about time.

Six o’clock - come home hour. Don’t get caught under
the kitty towers. Watch your step when you return,
remember how their tummies churn. Sleeping in, and resting
up, preparing for the big jihad. Every dump a biohazard.
Light a candle, light an incense. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no
more people food Mr. Charles steer clear! A neighborhood,
neighborhood, a neighborhood of cats. Offer me kittens,
offer me shmall kitties and I decline.

It’s the end of the world as cats know it.
It’s the end of the world as cats know it.
It’s the end of the world as cats know it and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of Arabs, Antarctic
ice shelf crash . Shmall kitties sit in a line, Theres Charles
the Cat. Newt the Heavy. Jean Pierre. A cat we haven’t got
yet. And kitties at the door. Birthday party, litterbox cake,
tootsie roll, boom! You shmall kitties are worse than any
natural disaster, right? Right.

It’s the end of the world as cats know it.
It’s the end of the world as cats know it.
It’s the end of the world as cats know it and I feel
fine…fine…

18

Another one from my husband…

And I Pet Him
Lyrics by mr lisa
Music by Lennon/McCartney

I always pet my cat
That’s all I do
And if you saw my cat
You’d pet him too
And I pet him

He follows ev’rywhere
Like a puppy
When I sit on a chair
He hops on me
And I pet him

A cat like ours
Can never leave
As long as I
Have his cat leash

Loud is my kitty’s purr
Soft his meow
He has very nice fur
He is here now
And I pet him

Loud is my kitty’s purr
Soft his meow
He has very nice fur
He is here now
And I pet him

19

This guy’s a keeper, lisa! :smiley:

20

Don’t I know it! He was especially proud of “The End of the World as Cats Know It”.