Woohoo! I am the winner!
I accept his trade: you for air. May we consummate future acquisitions.
I’m remembering more of my song!
Why can’t I
Take a crap
Without a cat
In my lap?
When I pee
They want to be
Close to me…
There’s a cat
Sitting on the sink
She doesn’t mind
If I stink…
When I pee,
They long to be
Close to me…
Every time I’m on throne
The kitties come to visit
'Cause they just don’t want me
in here all alone…
When I pee,
They long to be,
Close to me…
I had a cat who used to sit on the toilet tank and lie on my head while I was on the toilet - do you think you could work that into the song? (He was doing this once, and my other cat came in and looked up and saw him there. The look on her face was priceless - “Hey! What’s HE doing up there?”) Then there’s the whole nesting in your underwear and pants on the floor thing.
I’ve actually considered putting a cat door in the bathroom door; it seems like they’re always on the wrong side of that door.
That’s weird. Shammu, my girlfriend’s cat, loves to lick soap. I keep hoping he’ll fart bubbles, 'cause that would be cool.
Shammu the CAT ?? (dissolves into fits of giggles)
I made up this song about my cat Joey. This is to the tune of Bon Jovi’s Livin on a Prayer.
Joey likes to sleep on the bed
Under the blankie
Pillow ‘neath his head…its tough, so tough
Mom sells insurance all day
Working for the man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love
She says we’ve got to wake up for belly pettings
and it means that when she gets home
there’ll be food in the bowl
Weve slept all day, and that’s a lot
For sleep - well give it a shot
Chorus:
Whooah, the day’s half gone
Sleeping on the bed
She’ll pet my paws and kiss my head
Sleeping on the bed
Joey’s got his cat toys stuck
Under the couch, now how to keep busy?
Shred the curtians-so tough, its tough
Mom dreams of sleeping all day
Just like her kitten wasting the day
She turns off the alarm clock saying, “someday”
She says we’ve got to wake up for belly pettings
and it means that when she gets home
there’ll be food in the bowl
Weve slept all day, and that’s a lot
For sleep - well give it a shot
Drat you, romansperson. I do this with my dog too, and before I knew it I was howling along with you and your dog. 
I’m dad-sitting and away from my husband and dogs, and I miss 'em.
Cute song,** pbbth**. Does the cat respond?
Usually just by tilting his ears back and squinting, as if to say, “Shut up! I am trying to take up as much space in your queen sized bed as possible and your singing is distracting me.”
pbbth, the Bon Jovi song is a big hit here, as is **Dung Beetle’s ** Christmas Carol. My 64 year old Mom loved that one- apparently I come by my warped sense of humor honestly, so rest assured that your kids will be just as quirky and funny as you, DB. Being raised in a house where humor and wit are valued is a bonus, to be sure. Unless one of the young ones lands a boyfriend who finds absurdity tiring. And if that happens, remind them to amuse themselves anyway, and carry on with mirth aplomb regardless of the boyfriend’s ahem…subdued reaction. 'Cause that’s how I roll. 
TroubleAgain, my kinda mean older sister grew up adoring the Carpenters, so I rather enjoyed singing your little toilet ditty into her voicemail this morning. . Extra bonus points for nailing a most peculiar aspect of housecat behavior. Always did wonder why tinkling warrants a social call.
But lisacurl, if I’m judging, your husband wins. I’ve sung End of the Cat World no less than seven times, and find it to be mucho poetic as well as some funny shit. Tell him I’m working on One Week by Bare Naked ladies during down time at work, maybe he can best me.
So… I’ve sung all of these submissions to the cat, and so far I get a consistent reaction. Anybody know how to translate “eyes half closed and one ear back” cause I’m guessing it means “Look at you, amusing yourself at my expense. Pathetic. No sonnet, song, or poem could capture the feline essence. Silly monkey. Your time would better be spent opening can after can of tuna, or possibly arranging the bedclothes in a more pleasing manner. My Gods how ridiculous you look mincing about on two legs. Tsk."
I peed myself a little bit, ri-i-ight…
…here. 
May you find your way back to them soon.
I miss Idol (the dog in the video). We lost him to bone cancer at the end of March. 
We still have our other hound, Pumpkin, but when we try this with her, she looks at us as if we’re insane. 
I’ll be back with them later this week. 
My Bouncer dog is the one who will howl with me. Jasper just barks. 
It’s really hard to lose them, isn’t it. 
I’ll have to see what I can do.
There’s a cat
Nestled in my pants,
On the tank,
Kitty dance!
Thanks, Beaucarnea!
*Across bare butt
The tail goes swish—
“You’re sitting on
My water dish—
If you leave
A floater there
I will come and
Try to play
Go fish…
When you leave,
Door closed is best,
‘Cause if I get in
I’ll make a TP neeeessssst!"*
I’ll take a stab at “Bohemian Rhapsody”
"I stayed up all night…
and now I have to pee
it’s six a.m…
yeah there is no escaping me…
open your eyes…
look up to the skies and see…
A baby seal face…
Won’t you please take me…
Because you know, I gotta go
Hurry up, I might blow!
Anywhere that I’ve gone
The lawn isn’t greeeeeeeen…not green.
Momma,…give me some ham
with my head upon your leg
i’ll drool as I beeeeg.
Momma…now let’s have some fun!
Please don’t take my bone away!
Momma…ooooooooo…
I don’t want to cry,
sometimes I wish I hadn’t chewed that ball
Nenna-bug, Nenna bug
Each day a little fatter…
(bum bum bum bum)
I see a little sharpei-shepard hybrid dog
too much skin! too much skin!
It can stretch for miles…
My face is full of wrinkles, now I gotta tinkle…PEE!
momma-oh no, Momma uh-oh, momma please I gotta go!
I gotta GOOOOOOOOOOO…
Go Go Go GO GO GO GO!
I just made it
don’t you hate it
when I pee upon your toe?
Daddy says that when I get inside I’ll have a treat…
A treat…
A TREAT!!!
(Headbanging ensues)
Oh I stink and I bark and I fart and I cryyyyyyy
Dog farts make daddy want to dieeeeeeeee-ee-eye!
Oh nenna! Little stinky nenna, let’s just go out…
If just to get some fresh air…
It’s late…everyone’s asleep…
hop up on the bed
sit on daddy’s head
wake up!
dad, it’s my bum!
Let me go outside before I toot!
Momma…oooooooooooo…
Cause I gotta go)
Gotta go outside at night and make a poop!
momma…ooooooooo
I don’t mean to cry, it’s just that i"m really gonna blow!
(gotta pee, cuddle me)
Once i’ve relieved my bladder.
Just so long you hug me, nothing really matters to me…to me…
My own little ditty, to my own tone deaf tuneless tune, scritching his butt whilst I am peeing in the bathroom (what a relief to know that others rely on pet companions for this personal chore - how do we go at work alone?):
He’s my Dingo Devil Demon Dog
And I LOVE HIM!
Repeat until done peeing.
It’s basic, but he loves it and me.
I used to sing How Much is That Doggy in The Window to my dear departed Patch. I’ll never ever stop missing him. Ever.
I can’t believe I forgot to mention that I sing to the tune of Kim Carnes’ Bette Davis Eyes:
Dingo’s got Phil Ivy eyes
You’ll have to tell him twice
He’s our flip-top-head guy
Dingo’s got Phil Ivy eyes!