I like this one… the Davy Crockett tune has many possibilities, although it’s going to be difficult to top “king of the wild Schnoodliers”. 
Agreed. If anyone can top “schnoodliers”, well, you’re a god amongst men (and furballs).
I’m almost a god amongst men and furballs!!!
Yeah…there was something like…
When I peeeee,
They want to beeee,
Close to me…
Close To Me fragment (start at the “on the day that you were born” part)
Every time I go in there the cats all get together
And decide to go along to watch the show
So I try to shut the door
But then they meow
And I can’t seem to tell them no!
Tell me why
All the cats round here
Want to see
My bare rear?
When I pee
They want to be
Close to me
Boscibo, I’m having no luck at all with Copacabana!
Wheee! (wee?)
I don’t really sing to my cats, but when one of them starts acting particularly strange (like right now, Isadora is licking the futon frame) I’ll call him or her “psycho kitten,” which is inevitably followed up by “qu’est-ce que c’est?” I never get much further than finishing out the chorus, though.
for those who don’t know, it sounds like kes-ka-say 
F to the E to the L-I-N-E yes, you’re feline,
F to the E to the L-I-N-E yes, you’re feline,
You’re delicious, your furrilicious.
Furrilicious definition you’re a furry kitty…
To the tune of He is an Englishman
For he is very furry
and his voice it is quite purry.
Yes he is a kitty cat,
Yes he is a kitty cat.
For he might have been a puppy,
Or sheep, or goat or guppy,
Or perhaps an elephant,
Or perhaps an elephant.
But in spite of any wishes,
To belong to other species,
He remains a kitty cat,
He remains a ki-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ty cat.
Sung to the tune of Queen’s Bohemian Rapsody:
Tom has the good life
He has the easy job
Naps in the bathtub
Nada responsibility
In your sandwich
And in your milk whiskers be-
I’m just a shorthair, don’t you try brushing me
Because I’m spreading hair high and low
In your eyes, up your nose
Everywhere the fur blows, you aren’t the boss of me
of me
of me
Mama, just killed a mouse
Slapped a paw upside his head
Bit his neck and now he’s dead
Mama, mouse was just alive
But now its guts are strewn in the hallway
Mama, ooo ooo
Didn’t mean to make you sick
If I don’t eat some grass this time tomorrow
In the hall
you will find
a revolting gall bladder…
Uh oh, my hairball’s out
In hidden corners you will find
Kitty’s hacking all the time
Let me out, please mama, I’ve got to go
Gotta eat some grass outside and barf again
Mama Ooo-ooo
Fur don’t want to fly
You must wish I’d been born a hairless Sphinx
I see a little silhouetto of a rat
Siamese Siamese will you steal a baby’s breath, O?
Carpet sweeper vaccum cleaner very very frightening me
Catarina Catarina
Catarina Catarina
Catarina howls outside picture window
I’m just a fixed Tom nobody breeds me
He’s just a fixed Tom from a rescue family
Spared him his life from the upright vacuum
Here she comes, she’s in heat will you let me go
Pet door locked! No- we will not let you go
Pet door locked! We will not let you go-let him go
Pet door locked! We will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go-
Overheated stray cat wailing in the moonlight for me, for me, for me!!!
So you think you can alter me and I’ll sit in your lap
So you think you can neuter me I’ll stay inside
Oh, mommy- can’t baby me, Mommy
Just gotta go out, just gotta go right out and breed her
Your curtains are in tatters
Visitors can see
You aren’t the boss of me, you cater to and cleanup after me…
Everywhere the fur blows….
Wins!
I stand humbled in the shadows of such brilliance.
holds my lighter aloft
I was going to mention the song I sing to my dog, Maggie, SuperCaliFragilisticExpiMaggiDocious, but now it just seems silly.
By the way, excellent use of “gall bladder” in a song.
Awww… you guys. Truth is, I’m utterly tone deaf, so epic tomcat rock operas are rarely sung around here out of respect for other members of the household.
Rap, however, requires no pitch, tone, or melody, so I can nail this one:
(Please sing along to the tune of Sir Mix Alot’s Baby Got Back)
Well I sniff butts and I’ll smell your fly
Registered pups can’t deny
When a bitch walks in or delivery men
or company dares to knock
I can’t stop, but don’t call a cop
Cause ya know I’m from the pound
No pedigree to refine me
I’m rude and I’m just so nosy
Oh, puppies, I wanna dig petunias
And uproot prized roses
The neighborhood hounds all join me
Cause that lawn you got makes me so rowdy
Ooh, full time workers
I’m gonna pee on your rug
Well hose me and scold me cuz you know you can’t control me
You been watchin’ Caesar
To learn Good Dog trainin’
He’s smug, tough
Grabbin’ mutts around the ruff
But I’m sick of Cesar
Sayin’ bad dogs need more structure
Take the average mutt and pinch his neck
And he’ll chase your cat
So mixed breeds (yeah)
Mongrels (yeah)
Has your mistress got new shoes?
Heck ya
So chew um up and spit em out
Then hide behind the couch
Doggies sniff butts
I love you, Beaucarnea. Please bear my children. I’m packed with male jelly.
Call me.
Seriously, though, that was great. You need to come up with more!
I call my kitties psycho kitties, qu’est-ce que c’est? all the time too. It’s not too hard to find a cat doing something weird. Little varmints.
Who could turn down an offer like that?
I have no clue. Only a crazy gal. That’s why I worded it like that, to make it as irresistible as possible.
**
LOUNE**, I accept, and with my boyfriend’s blessing. I asked him (with a very sincere tone) to sing both songs to check for continuity errors, and he did so in an earnest manner. But by the end I nearly split my pants laughing, and he stormed out of the room. He hands me off to you with no regrets.