Singular sports team names drive me

Okay, I’ve had it. I’ve had it with pro sports teams that don’t seem to grasp the notion that since a sports team is a group of people, their nickname should be pluralized. Here are some fine, upstanding sports team names:

New York Rangers
Dallas Cowboys
Edmonton Oilers
Boston Celtics

But of course, there are always a few teams around with ridiculous singular names. However, at least you could argue that the nickname they had adopted sort of defied pluralization, like “Jazz.” But now apparently the people who set up sports team names have completely forgotten that you’re allowed to pluralize names.

In addition to the Miami Heat (dumb) Utah Jazz (Stupid) and Orlando Magic (Double stupid) and the new Minnesota Wild (unbelievably stupid)…

Here are actual WNBA team names:

New York Liberty, Orlando Miracle, Seattle Storm, Portland Fire, Miami Sol (Miami SOL??), Indiana Fever, Phoenix Mercury, Detroit Shock, Charlotte Sting.

Here are actual North American pro soccer team names:

D.C. United, Dallas Burn, Miami Fusion, New England Revolution, Chicago Fire, Tampa Bay Mutiny, Columbus Crew, Los Angeles Galaxy.

Here are actual National Lacrosse League team names:

Toronto Rock, Ottawa Rebel, Albany Attack, Washington Power.

Here are actual Arena Football League teams:

Grand Rapids Rampage, Detroit Fury, Chicago Rush, Tampa Bay Storm.

These names all suck, every one of them, except “D.C. United” which is a different sort of thing entirely.

Now, some of these are just names that suit the city but that defy normal pluralization, like “Fire,” “Liberty,” or “Storm.”

But “Ottawa Rebel”? What the fuck? Why not Ottawa Rebels? What possible excuse is there? There is none. The owners of the team should be shot. So should the idiots who came up with names like “Miami Sol,” “Toronto Rock,” and “Tampa Bay Mutiny.” Those are asinine names. “Columbus Crew” sounds like a media nickname for a group of mobsters. Bullets all around.

These names are a travesty. Team names should be PLURAL. “Los Angeles Dodgers.” “Pittsburgh Steelers.” “Calgary Flames.” “Detroit Pistons.” Those are great names, fine names, names that evoke images of championships and teamwork and sportsmanship. “Chicago Rush” is fucking stupid. It evokes images of me strangling the dungwits who couldn’t come up with a decent nickname. Death to the singular-team-name-people!

Strange. It cut off part of the topic. Anyway, it should be “drive me nuts.”

I happen to think that the Colorado Avalanche have one of the coolest names in sports.

So if Maurice Richard was a Montreal Canadien, what do you call someone who was a member of the Utah Jazz?

What do you call a single player? A snowball?

The one that kills me every time is the Stanford Cardinal. WTF? You’d think for $30,000/year tuition, they could afford more than one damn cardinal.

As for the Utah Jazz, I don’t worry that it’s not exactly a plural. My beef is that “Utah” and “Jazz” go together about as well as “Afghanistan” and “Pornography.”

All in all, sports team names are getting dumber and dumber.

Slight hijack here, but I feel the same way. “Utah Jazz” has always puzzled me–when I think of jazz, I think of Chicago and New Orleans long before I think of Utah.

Similarly, I find that “Raptors” is an odd choice for the Toronto NBA team. As far as I know (and I lived in Toronto for many years, and still remain in southern Ontario) dinosaurs have no association with Toronto, outside of the bones on display in the Royal Ontario Museum.

The only reason for the name that I can think of is that the team was named when the movie Jurassic Park was popular, and the NBA wanted to cash in on its popularity with kids. Supposedly, a short list of names was put to a vote by the public, but I still have my doubts about the vote’s validity. Anyway, regardless of how the team got its name, I think “Raptors” is still a bad choice for a Toronto team–and I have no doubt that if Toronto got an NBA franchise during the late 1970s, at the height of Star Wars mania, its basketball team would be known as the “Jedi Knights.” Just to cash in on the trend, of course.

Perhaps the only good things about the Raptors’ name is that it is at least plural, RickJay. Other than that, I have little use for a team named after dinosaurs that have nothing to do with the city for which the team plays.

Sorry for the hijack, folks. Back to the thread…


What disturbs me most about names like Jazz, Heat & Magic is that they are “concept” names. They defy mascots (although who can really picture pirates playing baseball or wizards playing basketball?), and it’s just NOT RIGHT. It just really sounds stupid to me. I’m feeling better knowing I’m not the only one that gets nitpicky with these things.

I second minty’s notion that Stanford Cardinal is highly annoying.

The Afghanistan Pornagraphers. Hooah! That’s a good one. I almost don’t want to raise the idea that perhaps the Jazz is a team that perhaps relocated from another city - say, New Orleans? At any rate,if that’s the case, they ought to have done what the Oilers did when they moved to Tennessee and requisition a new name.

The Utah…Beehives? Nah, that’s about as bad as Jazz…

Dag nabbit!! It’s pornOgraphers. Grr, I knew that.

By the way, folks, not that it excuses such a shitty name, but it turns out the Utah Jazz began as an expansion team in New Orleans. For a complete history (in case you care), check it out here.

The Jazz started in New Orleans and took the name with them, thereby making it inappopriate, just like the L.A. Lakers, Phoenix/Arizona Cardinals, and Sacramento Kings.

“Raptors” may sound bad, but some of the other names offered included “Toronto Terriers,” “Toronto Tarantulas” and “Toronto Saurus Rex” (Say it out loud. Get it?) Also “Toronto Scorpions,” which seems absurd to me but would have the added advantage that you could get the German metal band The Scorpions to play the national anthems, and that would be really cool.

Actually, “Raptors” has aged better than I expected (I hated the name), and the dinosaur bit has become identified with the team. I always thought, though, that if the public tired of the dinosaur motif, you could make the team’s logo an eagle or a falcon. They’re “raptors” too, in the true sense of the word. Birds of prey are “raptors.” That would give the team a common symbol with an unusual, cool name, like Cincinnati Bengals (instead of “Tigers”) or Boston Bruins (instead of “Bears.”)

Alabama Crimson Tide fan checking in. Don’t mind me.

(There really is a history behind the nickname.)

Go Dartmouth Big Green.

Imagine a mascot for that one.

This year, you call him the guy holding the Stanley Cup.

And therein lies the dilemma: “Avalanche have”? “Avalanche has”? It don’t sound right either way.

I don’t know the league, but Macon, Georgia has a hockey team called … the Whoopee. That’s right, the Macon Whoopee. Like having hockey in Georgia isn’t already dumb enough.

The Albany Attack logo is a wolf leaping with a lacrosse stick in its jaws. If the logos’ gonna be a wolf - why not just name it the Albany Wolfpack or something like that?

The Stanford Cardinal is not a bird (singular or otherwise), but the color.

Reportedly when the Board of Regents decided to do away with the politically-incorrect previous mascot, the Indians, they put the new mascot up to a vote of the students. The winner? The Stanford Thunder-Chickens.

Believing this to be undignified of guys who dress up and beat on each other for the entertainment of others, the Board circumvented the election and went with the color, Cardinal red.

Or so the story goes. Verifications or corrections will be appreciated.

Especially when you consider that it’s Latin for “thieves” or “rapists”.

Hey! :mad:

[sub]Nobody is picking on Harvard Crimson…[/sub]


Sol means “sun” in Spanish…

So now we have to know a second language to even understand a team name? And it’s SINGULAR and not PLURAL!?




::unzips pants::