The situation has obviously changed since she agreed to the donation. It’s entirely possible that when she agreed, the chances of a favorable outcome for her brother were good, but now the chances have substantially decreased. Or possibly her own health has deteriorated in the intervening time (or changed in a way that makes the procedure riskier for her or her brother). Or possibly the family situation has changed (maybe her husband died or she divorced and the father of her kids is no longer in the picture) in such a manner as to make the risk of any surgery less acceptable.
We can’t really tell from the facts given in that really quite biased report.
I’ve been just kind of watching this whole thread and not saying anything, but I’m gonna go ahead and say it.
I love my family very much. I would never donate marrow or an organ to them. I won’t even get life-saving surgery for myself. The idea of someone drilling/shoving a needle into my bone freaks me out; the idea of someone cutting into me gives me nightmares. The thought gives me heart palpitations and I start hyperventillating. It’s an irrational fear, like spiders or heights, but it’s a fear nonetheless.
If that makes me a bitch, so be it. If I won’t go under the knife to save myself, why should I do it for someone else (and yes, I’ve already filled out paperwork to that extent - DNR’s, etc)? Incidentally, I probably wouldn’t go along with testing, but who knows; maybe I could be coerced into getting tested and then freak out and decide not to. But the point is, I won’t do it. I get the heebie-jeebies donating blood, and getting a shot for my depo provera. I have already said that if I get appendicitis, too damn bad for me because they are NOT cutting me open. I’d also refuse a cesarian, for the same reasons. I freak out at the idea of a tracheotomy.
I’m an organ donor; WHEN I DIE. But while I’m alive, I’m keeping surgical implements away from me, thank you very much. insert shudder here
I would do many things to save someone else’s life that I’d hesitate to do for my own. No irrational fear is ever going to prevent me from saving a loved one. That is not an option.
That’s an interesting point, though. I wouldn’t choose to get cancer treated for myself; am I compelled to help someone else with their treatment?
I also am not an organ donor for after I die. I had signed up to donate my corneas but then the idea creeped me out so much I didn’t sign the next time. Irrational, I know, but I couldn’t live with it.
I wonder if threads like these could be considered a corollary of the Recreational Outrage phenomenon. It surely seems to me that this thread is just a Moral Superiority Reassurance fest for some.
Why would you tell a child he/she was a “mistake” or an “accident”? Of course, most people can figure it out of Mom wasn’t married at the time, etc. I can’t help but think that’d cause some self esteem problems, but nothing like the cold, calculating manufacturing of a child for the purpose of harvesting its bone marrow.
In England, het couples often use “partner.” Householders with gray hair & a couple of kids apparently don’t think “girlfriend” & “boyfriend” are suitable. I agree.
(I’ve researched the topic by watching the decorating & gardening shows seen here on BBCamerica. )
If this was a Lifetime movie, the sister would change her mind, get a needle stuck in her hip and donate the bone marrow. Brother would live and the kids wouldn’t lose their father. Sisters’ kids could be proud that they had a mother that was a little selfless and saved someone’s life. And they all lived happily ever after. Instead it’s a bad episode of Jerry Springer.
People wonder why I like dogs more than people and this is why.
I feel foolish pointing this out on page three of this thread, but:
I think that we just don’t have enough information to develop an informed opinion on this. I can imagine a number of scenarios consistent with what I know that would make him a monster, her a monster, or both of them reasonable people who disagree.
I’m not going to call you a bitch, but I do think I would be devastated by your unwillingness to suck up an irrational fear on my behalf, if you were my only chance of survival and I thought we were best friends. Especially since you can suck it up when it benefits you (like when getting depo). “Bitch” wouldn’t be the word I’d use. But “coward” might enter into my head, sure.
I wonder if your obstinence won’t budge a bit if you were to ever find yourself in a situation where surgery doesn’t mean life or death, but rather the difference between profoundly disabled and 100% functional. It’s easy to say “I don’t care if I die! I’m not having surgery!” Your death will make people sad, but your absence won’t burden them. But it’s not as easy to say “I don’t care that I’m unable to walk and I’m incontinent and I’m blind!” In such a case, your decision to not go under the knife makes the lives of everyone around you suck really bad. Your caregivers won’t blame your condition on the injury you suffered, but on your unwillingness to overcome a phobia. “Bitch” might be the nicest thing they say about you.
I agree with this statement. Either he did something terrible to her… or she’s a horrible, selfish person.
My brother has never done me wrong - I’d do/donate whatever I could to save my his life without a second thought.
I wonder if there’s some grey area? No really, I’m playing Devil’s advocate.
My uncle died of cancer and it was ugly.
At one point his doctor said “Well… there is this horrible surgery that will totally mutilate your face. You won’t be able to eat, so you’ll need a tube that plugs into your stomach. You’ll be bedridden for the rest of your life and be unable to talk or swallow. If might buy you an extra 8 months, but that’s really unlikely. And during that time you’ll be suffering from terrible pain. We might remove your jaw only to discover that there’s nothing we can do because the cancer has progressed too far. In which case you’ll get none of the benefts of the suergery, but you’ll still have all the aforementioned aggravating pain misery. Assuming of course you survive the operation, and there’s a very, very good chance that you’ll die on the operating table.”
My unlce’s response? “I’ll take it! Where do I sign up for the surgery?”
The surgery would have been truly horrific. Everyone in the family strongly disagreed with his decision because even the very best case scenario offered very little additional time to his lifespan, and what time it did offer would be nothing but suffering and wouldln’t be a life worth living. But it was his choice (I guess his fear of death was too great).
In that case, if I was a door of some kind that would provide marrow/kidney/liver/whatever knowing that what little time it gave the recipient would be horror that would make Stephen King wince, I would have a serious problem agreeing to offer up an expendable body part.
My uncle did not survive he surgery. It turns our the cancer had metastisized a LOT worse than the doctors had realized. The family was sad to lose him, but glad that his suffering was over.
Your fear is irrational; dying of an infected appendix because you’re more afraid of a fairly routine surgery than dying is irrational, and most people would not make that choice. And the truth about irrational fears is that most people feel like they CAN do more for other people than they can do for themselves. Are you being so defensive here because you know your fear is irrational and it bothers you?