Skeezix ponders some MPS

My mind (being the monkey that it is) always tends to ramble on at me as I take my post-dinner stroll, and pose questions for which I have no answers. Generally, I forget about all this crap by the time I sit down to peruse the SDMB, so, I started carrying my pocket tape-recorder with me. Now, after compiling a few days worth of this into a written list, I realize that I forgot it all for a reason. This stuff is really not important enough to drag into GQ, and half of it’s probably unanswerable, anyway. Then it dawned on me, “Hey, jackass, this is what MPSIMS was made for!” So I submit to all and sundry a few questions, that perhaps we all might be made a bit wiser, by their resolution.

(or maybe you’ll just find some of this dreck amusing; either way, I hadda share)

  1. What’s another word for thesaurus?
  2. Why does Hawaii have Interstate highways? (or am I misinformed, and it in fact don’t)
  3. What exactly is Halls’ ‘vapor action’? Is this somewhat akin to squirting water up one’s nose?
  4. Who decided that up on a map was north? Why not south?
  5. Shouldn’t all tennis players be deadly with a flyswatter?
  6. Why is oral sex referred to as ‘giving head’? Shouldn’t it be giving mouth?
  7. You can get apple pie, and cherry pie, and blueberry pie, and apple juice is fine, so why is it if you ask for cherry juice or blueberry juice at the supermarket they just look at you funny?
  8. What prompted the first person to eat a lobster? Who initially thought that a giant aquatic cockroach might be tasty?
  9. Why is the word ‘big’ smaller than the word ‘little’?
  10. Who’s cruel idea was it to put an S in the word “lisp”?

Just the things that run through my head at odd moments…

Hate to break this too you but your thoughts are unoriginal. Well some of them are-I’ve seen lists like this before.
Try some original thoughts like :why do we park in a driveway and drive on the parkway?

*I am of course being sarcastic.
By the way, as for question 6, I think it should be referred to as: applying lips to an erect penis in order to make said penis spew forth with ejaculatory goodness.

Also #8, Lobsters I can kinda understand but think about this: Who was the first person to pick up a slug and say “Yummy!”?

What about oysters? What precisely is appetizing looking about them?

Believe it or not, you can get cherry and blueberry juice. But probably not at a regular store.

I’ve seen both at Trader Joes. Probably your healthier/organic stores will have them, along with all sorts of other interesting juices.

I’ve got to agree with you on #10. Kind of a bum deal if you’ve got one and have to tell someone about it.

Don’t forget the chickens. Do they look all that appetizing scratching around the barnyard?

Does anyone drive by a pasture and think, my those cows are tasty looking today?

Pigs and hogs are dirty, nasty looking creatures. Who decided they were edible?

Don’t forget the chickens. Do they look all that appetizing scratching around the barnyard?

Does anyone drive by a pasture and think, my those cows are tasty looking today?

Pigs and hogs are dirty, nasty looking creatures. Who decided they were edible?

Why, when you get the message that the web site is not responding twice and give up, do you get a double post anyway?

FairyChatMom: I’ll go along with that. There are certain critters that just look too much like phlegm for me to ever wanna eat 'em.

scout1222: Thanks. Didn’t know that. In the same light, they don’t happen to sell orange pie, do they? Come to think of it, why is apple the only fruit we make ‘sauce’ out of?

swampbear: Thinking about this a minute, I can maybe buy the idea that somewhere along the line, enough cavemen (yeah, I know, but just play along) saw enough predators eating cows and pigs and chickens (and anteaters, and breakfast cereals, and orangutans) to think, “Hell, the big cats eat them slow, 4-legged things all the time. Let’s see how they taste, Fred.”

But a lobster? I just can’t see it.

I have my theory on this…

Some dragged it up, thought “urg”, threw it on the nearest fire, realised how gorgeous it smelt, and pulled it out again.

Works for prawns too.

:smiley:

You know swamp, I have the exact same question…

  1. I looked up thesaurus in the thesaurus, and this is what I got: synonym dictionary, synonymy, dictionary of synonyms and antonyms, synonym finder, word finder, word treas-ury, conceptual dictionary, semantic dictionary, synonymicon. (Another MPS- I never realized how silly the word “synonym” looked and is until I was typing it several times.)

Tir Tinuviel: So you’re saying, what, lobsters are like marshmallows? :slight_smile:

monica: synonymicon? Really? (Can’t find me bloody thesaurus, I suspect the little one’s been rearrangin’ my computer desk again.) I dig it.

Can’t believe I’m trying to answer this.

Ahem.

  1. I believe the expression is derived from “head job”. “Head” being the glans of the penis, rather than that melon on top of your neck.

Oh, I think it’s a bigger surpise we ever got to eating eggs, more than lobsters.

If you think having to tell people you have a lisp is bad, how about submitting a written note saying that you’re dyslexic?

Well, of course! You just have to keep 'em in the fire a little longer…
Sorry, I thought this was common knowledge!
:stuck_out_tongue:

3: Vapor action : there are vapors other than water vapor. This refers to the menthol vapors that open up the nasal passages and sinuses, giving great relief.

Sublight: Thanks a lot. That’s the third keyboard I’ve ruined, and the second soda I’ve wasted this week. :smiley:

Okay, so anyone got any input on these?

  1. What if Lizzie Borden had had a wood chipper?
  2. Why is it all of life’s major decisions/revelations are made either in the bathroom, or in a government building? Or worse yet, both?
  3. Shouldn’t a hurricane with a male name be a Himmicane? Or is that just really pedantic?
  4. Why did the subplot that actually gave the movie A Clockwork Orange its name never appear in the flick?
  5. Okay, when you tie on a good one, and wake up the next morning with a headache, upset stomach, and a rotten taste in your mouth, it’s called a hangover. So what’s it called when you wake up and you’re still in the bag? A drunkover?
  6. Can you imagine how thourough nudists with expensive furniture have to be about wiping themselves before they leave the bathroom? Maybe they’re the ones keeping the bidet manufacturers in business.
  7. If you accept the story of Adam and Eve at face value, doesn’t that mean that everyone is related?
  8. Did you know that Jimi Hendrix and Joe Pesci both played guitar for the same band at one point?
  9. Which band was it?
  10. When you pickle beets, they’re called pickled beets, but when you pickle a cucumber it’s just called a pickle. Why?

In the vending machines at work one night I found orange flavored milk, if you can believe that. I even started a thread about it. Evidently no-one else was as fascinated about it as I was. Ruminate on that during your next constitutional.

12: Most of my major relevations or decisions come while doing dishes or dust mopping the floor. They usually involve not putting up with something anymore. They almost NEVER come while ironing, or doing laundry.