Skeletons in the closet – a scandalous MMP

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

As a kid, I figured I came from a boring, squeaky clean, all-American family. We made the Cleaver family look like drunken whore-monger axe-murderers!! :eek: OK, that bubble burst with one uncle’s multiple marriages, :eek: and when a couple of cousins divorced, :eek: but for the most part, we were a model of decorum and wholesome family values.

Then I grew up and my mom started telling me things that tossed a mess of tarnish against the shiny family tree. I expect at one time in certain society, we would be forever scarred by the misbehaviors of our relatives. Now it’s just an interesting chapter in the family history.

I remember learning at a young age that my grandfather’s brother “lived in sin” with a woman. :eek: But he died before I was born and there were no children from that sinful arrangement, so it was easy enough to ignore. Then I found out one of my cousins was not the daughter of my uncle. Apparently my aunt got herself “in trouble” :eek: and moved out of state where she married my uncle who raised my cousin as his own.

It’s also pretty much accepted that another uncle’s daughter really isn’t his – we figure wife #5, who was almost 20 years younger than my uncle, indulged in extracurricular activities. :eek: It was assumed that this uncle was sterile, tho I’m not sure why. One doesn’t ask about such things.

And just this weekend, I learned that another aunt, who died when I was a toddler, was living with her husband and another man, and pretty much everyone agrees that her daughter was sired by the other man. :eek: It was also said that her husband beat her, although no one knows for sure why she stayed with him. Then again, it was the 50s – what else could she do?

I suppose these may sound pretty dull, but in my straight-laced hard-core Catholic family, they were pretty bad and not to be spoken of, let alone condoned. After all, one does not readily admit that so many of the women in one’s family are so slutty!! :eek: Apart from shattering the illusion that I had from my very youngest days, none of these revelations change anything about me or my life.

But they do make me nosy – did you find out about any family scandals once you were deemed to be “old enough” to deal with them? )Like a friend of mine who was into her 30s before she found out her mother had been married before marrying her father! :eek: ) Do share…

2

Nope, I did find about some interesting stories when I was as tall as I’m now, but it wasn’t due to age: it was because they hadn’t previously come up.

I have a cold and my teeth hurt. Argh.

3

Hmmm…the only scandalous thing I know is actually about me!

I grew up knowing that I was adopted, I can’t remember ever not knowing, which I think was the perfect way to do it.

When I was about 16, my mum said that she had some information about my birth parents that they had written down when they were at the adoption office, and she thought I was old enough to read them now, if I was interested. Of course I was, so she gave me a piece of paper and told me to go and read it in my room, and she’d be happy to answer any questions afterwards.

So I go into my room and hold this piece of paper in my hands for what seems like an eternity. Then I unfold it and read. Most of it is standard stuff, mother is white, slightly overweight, average height, no family history of medical issues. Same for the father. Then one thing leaps out at me.

My birth mother was 13 when I was born.

Which means she was either 12 or 13 when I was concieved. Holy crap. That took some digesting. Of course, it was statutory rape, and it might have even been rape rape (in terms of physically against her will, I might not be wording that well but hopefully you get the drift).

So that’s my rattly skeleton. It doesn’t really bother me now but it definitely threw me for a while.

And now it’s Monday, and the sun is shining, after raining all bloody weekend!

4

Wow - I think I’d be seriously freaked out if I found out my mother was so young when I was born!

Sorta related (and not a scandal, just an offhand comment that freaked me out) - at my parents’ 25th anniversary party, my dad introduced me to a woman he’d dated in high school and he remarked in his smart-assy way, that had things gone differently, *she *could have been my mother. At that point, my poor brain started going “By if she’d been my mother, I wouldn’t be me, and I wouldn’t exist!” Yeah, totally nonsensical, but it messed with my 23-y/o self longer than it should have.

It’s overcast here at the moment, and the evil weather guys are saying rain for tomorrow. Dammit, our well is supposed to be drilled tomorrow - NO RAIN!!!

5

Good Mornin’ Y’all! Up and caffienatin’. YAWN 'Tis 65 degrees Amurrkin out with a predicted high of 93. Summer is upon us.

As far as family scandal goes, well, I’m the gay one. :smiley: Heh. This past weekend OYKW was introuced to a lot of people as “my son’s friend.” I think folks got the drift. I had an aunt (never knew her) who had a child out of wedlock who was raised by another aunt. The former aunt committed suicide in the late 1940’s and though no one will say exactly why, I can’t help but believe havin’ a child out of wedlock played a big role. Mostly though, my family is just a big ol’ loaf of white bread.

Then there was the way my dad liked to report the birth of my oldest brother. Mom and dad were married in May of 1946 and oldest bro was born in April of 1947. Dad would describe it thusly, omittin’ the years… “Our oldest was born in April and we got married in May.” Yeah, my weird sense of humor is definitely inherited. :smiley:

sandra I’d have been freaked out too. Wow!

Later I will post a picture of the happy bride and groom from the big weddin’ doin’s yestiddy. I’d do it now but I’m not awake enough to upload and link a photo. Be patient. Geez!

In answer to a post from Quasi from the last MMP. My for real 83 year old mom married her gentleman friend of the past four years in a very sweet ceremony after church yesterday. That was the weddin’ I referred to in my post. Speakin’ of which, since you’re up there in my west Jawja stompin’ grounds, Quasi, the weddin’ took place in my ye olde hometowne of LaGrange.

Now I must have more caffiene and feed rumbly tummy. Then, alas, irk purtification must commence.

Happy Monday Y’all!

6

Morning all!

A scandalous MMP- intriguing! I think it’s funny that people thought the folks in the 1960s invented living together before marriage, open marriages etc. Nothing new under the sun, it was all just hush hush.

Not my scandal, but growing up there was a house across the street had two ladies living in it. As a kid, I just assumed they were roommates or something. Later it dawned on me that they were probably lesbians (which my older sister also concluded as well). It was no big deal, but it was odd to suddenly realize how* wrong* one could be about a situation!

7

Blurf.

My family scandals are rather tame, at least by today’s standards. The usual divorces, that of my parents because my dad couldn’t keep his pants on.

A cousin’s husband was a tweaker, and he did hard time for carjacking, oddly enough while he was stoned :rolleyes:. Why she did not divorce his ass, I’ll never know.

I was the center of one. My senior year of high school, my girlfriend was pregnant. Even better, it wasn’t my kid. Caused several cases of The Vapors among my Holier-Than-Thou relatives, too.

8

It’s still the middle of the night here- okay, very early morning, and I’m still up, packing and cleaning. Moving downright sucks.

Family scandals- I had a gay aunt, who had the same partner since I can remember. Partner came to all our family gatherings, they lived together and all that- I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t put two and two together until I was in college, and that was only because my aunt wrote me a letter and hinted at it. D’oh! The partner’s butchiness and ankle-high zip-up boots should’ve been a clue, I guess. But that wasn’t really scandalous, as they were both very much loved and accepted by the family, no biggie.

A few years ago, my gay aunt told me that my other aunt had a baby while she was married that she put up for adoption, because her high school teacher husband was caught having an affair with one of his students and they divorced. Nobody now knows that I know this.

My grandparents were second cousins- that explains a lot about my family!:smiley:

Happy Monday, yo!

9

**swampy **and **Soapy **reminded me of two other revelations, one family, one not. My mother told me that her father’s father committed suicide, but not until I was in my 50s. Her father never talked about it, so we don’t know anything beyond that. I do know my grandfather rushed to marry my grandmother because in the 30s, a single man was not allowed to raise his younger brothers and my grandfather didn’t want his brothers going to an orphanage. I thought that was pretty cool of my grandparents.

The other was a neighborhood scandal that happened when I was middle school or high school. One of the neighborhood men was found hanging in his basement. I never understood why a seemingly happy husband and father would do something like that. Years later (see the pattern here??) my mom told me the whispers in the neighborhood suggested auto-erotic asphyxiation gone wrong. I do recall that his widow and kids moved away shortly after.

It’s still gray and icky here - I thought we were supposed to have a sunny day - grrrrrr! I need to go to the dump today and get rid of the pine tree that’s cut up in the trailer. Other than that, dunno. I’ll figure it out later.

10

A mini-tale. Thursday night, I pulled duty. While I was out in the equipment bay (garage, for you non-emergency responder types) gathering my fat-boy sized gear for my shift, there was a vicious pounding at the front door. So I opened the door.

There stood a 60-something woman, holding a BIIIIIIG tray. Hmmmm.

“Hi. My name is Elaine. This is a thank you for you guys saving my life.”

That big ol’ tray was full of cookies, chocolate chip, cinnamon raisin, peanut butter, and white chocolate-macadamia nut. My diet sure took a beating that night…

11

Now *THAT *is a scandal, **BBBobbio **- you didn’t share your cookies!! :stuck_out_tongue:

My day of fun is about to begin. The dump is now open so I’m about to head down the road, after which I’ll be running by WalMart for a few items, since I’m sorta in the neighborhood. It’s still overcast and icky out. Stoopit weather…

12

Family lore when I was growing up was that one of our ancestors was accused of witchcraft, but declared innocent. When I was an adult, someone did some genealogical research and found out that our ancestor wasn’t accused of being a witch, she had accused someone else of being a witch. Fortunately, that person wasn’t executed.

13

My family doesn’t have any scandals that aren’t me I know anything about. The biggest one in history was my grandmother’s grandmother was a :eek: *full blooded American Indian! *:eek: We’re thinking Cherokee, but that’s such a default answer I’m not sure if that’s the actual tribe.

I think Culinary Boy is coming over this afternoon. This ought to be interesting. I might actually get some work done on the scarf I’ve started and ripped out several times. I can’t seem to get the right number of chains on the starting chain and I never figure it out until the fourth or fifth row. :smack: I need a primer on starting chains. Again. :frowning:

Laundry awaits once the dishes get done. I might actually clean the bathroom today as well! :eek: Scandalous!

14

I. Most. Certainly. Did. Share. I happen to despise peanut butter and white chocolate-macadmia cookies. Weren’t many of the oatmeal raisins to go around, though. :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue:

15

There isn’t much to tell about my dad’s side of the family. They didn’t come to the US until just before WWI and were very tight-lipped about old country. My grandfather and his brothers on that side were no better than they had to be. They ran moonshine, were petty thieves, and (later on) grandpa had some low-level involvement in illegal gambling. Of the four brothers, two ended up getting married because of pregnant girlfriends. One, not grandpa, went on to sire additional bastards outside of his marriage. He did financially look after them, though.
Mom’s side of the family goes back to colonial times. Plenty of scandal there, too, but most of it well outside of living memory. One ancestor on that side was hanged for horse theft, according to family lore. Another was involved in a love triangle that resulted in a murder. She neither committed the murder nor was she murdered, but she spent much of her late life living in terror that the murderer would be paroled and come for her. A great-grandfather came back from WWI with a pretty bad case of what they used to call “shell shock.” He was supported financially by his wife for the rest of his life.

16

OK, lessee… Nothing really shocking, but a few tidbits…

My maternal grandfather left my grandmother - twice! - and moved to Israel on his own, where he found a “roommate” :dubious: of the female persuasion.
I might add that both these episodes happened after he was 65 y.o. Although I’m pretty sure there had been earlier hanky-pankies, just not on an intercontinental scale…
She never divorced him, either. Outlived him by 10 years, though.

My paternal grandfather pretty much spent all his wife with the same woman, happily married since he was 19 or 20, yadda yadda. She died when he was 67 and she was supposedly 65.
Family lore however has it that she didn’t so much die young as live young :stuck_out_tongue: and was at least a decade older than officially published – which would make her something like 10 years older than my grandfather – which in just-post-WWI Russia would apparently have been a scandal! (How do you say “cougar” in Russian?)

And my paternal aunt (once or twice removed) up and shacked with a black (:eek:**) diplomat from… Jamaica?
And had a daughter with him!
And never married him, either!!
And then they split and she raised her alone!!!
And managed to have an academic career, up to full professorship, at the same time!!!
Of course this was in the 70’s and going forward, so it seems positively normal :smiley:

17

dittoblurf:(

18

Like FCM, I grew up thinking I had the most boring, whitebread family in the world. Little did I know.

Facts picked up over the years point to one of my dad’s brothers being a sociopath. He was verbally tormented my dad all the years of their childhood, seduced a girl in high school and only married her because she was pregnant, then took off. He became a conman. At some point, his usual partner was unavailable, so he worked with another guy. Then he started screwing the guy’s wife. Man took exception to this, came into the bedroom with a shotgun and shot dear uncle point blank in the head.

It wasn’t until I was in college that I really started wondering about my mom’s side of the family. Mom has very pretty golden brown eyes with specks of green. One day, I passed by the portrait of her parents, as I’d done almost every day of my life, and I stopped. Grandma and Grandpa both had light blue eyes. Now, I know that there’s a very, very small chance of two blue-eyed parents having a brown-eyed baby, but come on. There’s statistics, and there’s human nature.

For a while, I couldn’t help wonder if maybe Grandma had been getting a little some’n, some’n on the side (she died when I was in eighth grade, so there was no asking her). Then, I started hearing stories on my eldest aunt. That her husband and her mother-i-law hated her and did her dirt every chance she got, that auntie did not take very good care of her only daughter. Now, my mom was significantly younger than her siblings. Next oldest was 10 years older. Auntie was 16 when Mom was born.

There isn’t much to do but speculate. I could take cheek swabs, but mitochondrial DNA will be the same on all of us, because either Grandma is Grandma, or she’s Great-Grandma. Y chromosome wouldn’t haven’t been transferred down at all, and the rest is so random that all they’d be able to say is that my cousin/aunt is related to me by a maternal ancestor. Mom and I have discussed it, and she’s convinced that Grandma is Grandma. I don’t push it.

Another interesting note on Grandma - she died of throat/tongue cancer in the early 80s. At that time, pretty much the only cause doctors ascribed it to was tobacco products, which Grandma never touched. Turns out, some of the human papilloma virus types that cause cervical, vaginal, penile, and anal cancer also cause mouth/tongue/throat cancer when present there. So, Grandma may have been . . . um . . . far more adventurous than any Kansas farmgirl should have had an opportunity to be.

Damn, I wish she were alive. She might tell me to go to hell for prying, but she might also tell me the juicy secrets.

19

Not with your BFF Mumpers, you didn’t!! :stuck_out_tongue:

Back from the wilds of the dump and WalMart - yes, I could tell the difference. Anyway, the pine tree is now in the to-be-mulched pile and I got cat litter, cat food, cereal, and a few miscellaneous other things. I want to take a nap, but I’ll probably do something productive. Maybe. When it’s overcast and dreary, I just find it difficult to get motivated.

20

Mom’s side, there was an uncle who “had a nervous breakdown” (whatever that means, I still haven’t been told and I’m in my early 40s; this happened when I was little) and went to the inpatient psych unit at a local hospital for a little while. He was married for a while to a fun-eccentric woman with either multiple sclerosis or muscular dystrophy; it was mentioned to me as a little kid but didn’t stick in my head then. For a while, they took in a developmentally-disabled niece of hers who had been molested by her (the girl’s) older brother. In adulthood, I wondered if that stress contributed to the divorce.

Oh, and my mom mentioned once that she kind of could see where her dad’s abusive behavior came from; she said he had to take over the family farm as a teenager as his dad died young, and she attributed a rough childhood and having to grow up quick to his often-rough personality and tendency to yell. But I got the genealogy info for her side of the family (just names and birth/death/marriage dates), and his dad didn’t die until my grandfather was in his 20s, IIRC. Did his dad run off first? Become incapacitated somehow?

Dad’s side: I think it was in the early ‘60s when an aunt of mine got married to a Catholic man, and my Calvinist Protestant grandmother was so disapproving that she didn’t attend the wedding. (Now that I think about it, I don’t know if my grandfather went. It’d have been even worse if both of her parents didn’t go to her wedding.) I adore this uncle, but by modern standards, one of their child-rearing tactics was a bit shocking. They had 3 boys and 2 girls, and all of them, especially the boys, fought - physically, even - often and hard enough that we’re all surprised they survived intact to adulthood. On long trips, occasionally my aunt and uncle would give the kids a “white M&M” to swallow, per the laughing reports of my adult cousins, talking about their childhood memories later in life. Apparently said M&Ms would make them calm down - don’t remember if they said they’d sleep or not. My uncle was a neurologist, and my aunt was a nurse. I haven’t the faintest idea what it was, but considering the kids’ careers (doctor, veterinarian, geologist, etc.) it didn’t do any evident harm. Was it an awesome placebo effect, even?

One of these cousins married a woman (let’s call her Ann) who emigrated from an East Asian country along with her niece, who we’ll call Betty. Ann’s sister had (I think, I’m getting fuzzy here - these cousins were all significantly older than me, and I was only a little older than Betty) passed away, and she was raising Betty. Fast forward to, IIRC, college, and Betty and the rest of the family find out the truth: the woman she thought was her aunt was actually her real mother, this whole time. Ann had been considered disgraced by being pregnant out of wedlock, but fortunately was in the position where she could emigrate to the US, and came up with this story about this infant being her niece to cover her shame. Our extended family was very supportive, but of course Betty had her own issues to deal with over this, and we can’t help but suspect it had some bearing on Betty killing herself a few years later, during medical school.