Slap some sense into me.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

As the NY Dopers are aware, the purpose of my recent expedition to NYC was to attempt to get funding for living expenses from my godfather. And, as they are aware, it was a sucess. Sorta. He agreed to have the foundation he runs in his father’s name to fund everything. Room, board, tuition, books, the whole freaking kit 'n kaboodle. I fully apprechiate how amazing this is.

HOWEVER. There is a catch, though it’s a small one. I’d have to live on campus, in order for the foundation to pay the school directly. I have a cat that I’d have to give away, which breaks my heart. I JUST moved into the apartment of my dreams, an adorable one bedroom in a nice neighborhood. I have been financially independant from my parents for 2 years now. While I am only 20, very few of my friends are that age. Most of them are 24+. At the risk of sounding like a self-righteous bitch, I don’t think or act like a 20 year old. And the thought of moving in with a bunch of 18 year olds makes me want to re-think it. I lived in a dorm for one week when I was having problems at home, and that was more than enough to convince me I couldn’t deal. Not to mention the fact that if my landlord doesn’t let me sublet my apartment to an out-of-state student, I’d have to move back in with my parents on holidays/summer, which I’m REALLY not keen on. I like them a lot, but I was not meant to live with them as an adult.

So I could take a Stafford loan out to pay for living expenses, say $6000 a year. That would cover rent and most of my utilites. I would have to work 20 hours a week to make up the rest, along with food. If I lived in the dorms, I conceivably wouldn’t have to work. Or it would be minimal.

The thought of moving out of my apartment makes me want to cry, I love it so much. And I’ve had my cat since I was in the 7th grade, she is truely my best friend.

Am I being a spoiled brat? I have the opportunity to live RENT FREE! FREE FOOD! NO BILLS! I could get a single, aside from the communal bathrooms (oy vey iz mir) it wouldn’t be that much different than a studio. Help me out, Dopers, but be kind.

2

Woo. Tough position. Isn’t there some way you could do it like the Bushes avoided their income taxes? Have the dorm be your legal residence but only spend enough time there to make it official?

3

Swim, have you checked on all the living situations on campus? I know there were different types of dorms at my illustrious alma mater, and among them were 21 and over (which, admittedly, you can’t get into yet) and study dorms, where the conditions on noise/guests were much stricter than the normal dorms. In all fairness, most people didn’t want to get into the quiet dorms, but if you didn’t ask for a specific assigment, you got stuck in with the gen pop.

If you opt for the state-funded habitat, I’d have to guess the cat would be right out. Myself, I’d have to vote for taking the money and dealing with the conditions over having loans to repay/working through school, but that’s probably because I’m still paying the damn loans off as we speak. the final word on it should be whether or not you’re going to be piss miserable throughout the rest of you college days by taking the money and leaving the cat. If yes, then don’t do it. If no, I’d seriously consider taking the cash and enjoying not paying the gubermint anything, damn their fatcat hides.

4

Swiddles, honey, I loved ya from the moment I met ya. And I understand how you feel. I lived on campus for one year, then prevailed on my parents to allow me to move away from the troglodytes and get an off-campus apartment.

So this sounds like I’m being hypocritical, I know, but bite the inside of your cheek and live on campus. It won’t be perfect, but it won’t be forever, either. The fact that you’d be able to get all that sugar from your godfather and not have a student loan to pay off will put you way ahead financially when you do get out and get on your own.

Think about it…two or three years of “Livin’ La Vida Loca” or an exceptionally good start on the rest of your freakin’ life? It’ll pay off in the long run, trust me.

I’m an old fart, but with my years comes wisdom. The first few years out of college can be tough, and if you can do it without any major loans to pay off, then you’re way ahead of the game. It’s worth the hassle in the long run. And I know you’re planning on having a long run.

5

No wiggle room for negotiation in the “on-campus living”
requirement? That just seems wrong. I’d say try to work around it. Failing that, I’d probably say “no thanks”. You’re managing now, even if it is stressful. I know I wouldn’t give up my cat for a dormful of 18-20 year old women…well, ok, I’d think hard about it, but I think the cat would still win out.

Cat and I made a deal – she hangs around eating, sleeping, killing the occasional rodent, and purring at me on occasion, and I take care of her for life.

6

I don’t know what school you’re applying to, but on many campuses the dorms have different characters. For instance at Berkeley, where I was a grad student, there was an international dorm, which also accepted American students who wanted to experience life with a wider variety of people (the international students were also often older.) There was also a vegetarian co-op, which was a separate house near campus. They took turns doing cooking and cleaning and the lifestyle was much less dorm-like. Just some thoughts.

You might express your concerns to the housing people at the school. They may be aware of some options that would still qualify.

7

Myron: I don’t get it. It’s not for tax reasons, it’s monetary reasons I’d have to move into the dorms.

Flyp: That’s the catch, UVM assumes that since thier dorms are so crappy, no upperclassman is going to want to live there. The large majority of housing on-campus is full of 1st and 2nd year students, as there is an on-campus residency requirement for the first two years. They have ONE grad student/non-traditional student dorm, but you have to be 23+ to live there. I tried talking the res life guy into letting me in, but apparently the age thing is pretty set in stone, which REALLY pisses me off. I’ll be 21 in 4 months.

Dave: Thanks for being so kind. I think you’re right. But on the other side, I won’t have to worry about tuition loans. So I’m already like $60,000 ahead of my peers. What’s $6000 a year when you’re going to a $13,000 a year school for free?

Argh. Maybe I should look at other schools.

8

I have to side with Flyp and Dave on this one.

I know that I would not be able to say no to a free ride. I too am paying student loans to the tune of $209.73 per month. Only 5.5 more years of that!

I would definitely check out all the on-campus living options, and see if kitty can’t stay with the folks while you are away. She must have been there while you were in high school, right?

Also, you might be surprised if you spoke frankly with the 'rents regarding your time spent “back home”. Explain how you feel, and the nature of your relationship might change enough to accomodate your adulthood. Of course, they’re probably going to drive you nuts, but it might just be worth it to get out into the real world with a clean slate.

9

No, I certainly don’t think you’re being a spoiled brat.
Let me ask a few question, possibly make a few suggestions.

First- when you move back in during the summer, would your parents expect you to chip in for room and board? Would you be expected to do chores around the house, and would they be worse/more time-consuming because you’re living with other people?

Second- in giving away your cat, would your parents be willing to take her? If so, then keep in mind you’d be able to see her during the summer.

Third- how will your godfather react should you decide not to take his offer? Will he be offended that you rejected his generosity, or understanding of the fact that what he’s offering you just isn’t enough?

It looks like you’ll be trading one set of headaches for another. You’ve posted often about how your job and/or the people who work there drive you up the wall; moving on campus would mean dropping the “I hate my job” and “I have no free time” stress in exchange for “I can’t live with these kids/ my parents” and “I miss my cat”.

Personally, I’d lean towards moving onto campus- the extra free time is always nice, and you can tell dorm-mates to go to hell in inventive ways you only wish you could use with co-workers. But then, I’m not you, and I don’t know how much you hate living with your parents, or how much you actually like your job but just feel a need to vent.

Either way, it’s a serious decision; not being quite sure whether to go one way or the other isn’t being spoiled.

10

I’d have to vote for the living rent free proposition, simply looking at it from the perspective of avoiding taking out what are some pretty heft (and heavily interest rated) loans. It is tough enough to start out after college, and it is a lot easier to do so without knowing that a lot of your salary will be going to somebody else.

But, then again, the only pet I ever had was a tank of fish and they would commit suicide by jumping out of the tank so I know very little about the emotions that occur in a normal pet-owner relationship.

I wouldn’t be too concerned about leaving the dream apartment. Eventually it wouldn’t be your dream place to live and you’d leave it anyway. Plus, you will be taking out a pretty decent chunk of expenses which means a lot more savable/disposable cash just sitting around to be used on pizza, movie rentals, and male strippers.

11

Swiddles - how much of your expenses will be funded that aren’t funded now? Also, is it possible to get everything but housing funded (or is that where you’re at now?)

I also think you should talk to your campus housing department about your issues. They may have a solution for everything but giving up the cool apartment you’ve found - and that’s a small price to pay when you consider that you will be able to get a lot nicer apartment when you graduate if you don’t have any debts to pay off.

12

George and Bar would live in a hotel in Texas for a long enough time each year for it to qualify them for residency. They did this to get out of their income tax.

I was thinking maybe you could “officially” be a dorm resident, to qualify for the foundation, but spend most of your time in your apartment. Spend maybe one night a week in the dorm?

13

Suck it up, Swiddles.

You’ve got a situation which many could only dream of. Deal with the hassles for two weeks, they will seem to diminish.

14

The cat could probably live with my parents. However, my father hates her, my parents dog wants to eat her, and she’s a Siamese. They bond strongly to one person. I am her person. She’s miserable if I leave for a week. Though it really shouldn’t be a consideration.

John: Yea, living with my parents I was expected to pay $200 a month and spend my weekend doing chores, along with doing the dishes for the family every other day. That’s after working a full day. I know most people do a hell of a lot more than that for thier families, but I hated every moment of it.

My godfather would probably not be hurt at all. He’s happy to offer, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. He might, however, feel guilty that he can’t offer me more. He’s an amazing man.

zyada: as of now, I have tuition and books taken care of. If I moved on-campus, I’d have that, plus room/board. That means my meal plan would be taken care of. And no more bills to pay. Which means if I do like a 5 hour a week work study, I’d have plenty of money for kicking around. Which is WAY more than I have now.

I want to suck it up, Chief, I really do. But for the first time in my life, I’m actually content in my living situation. It’s hard to give that up to live with a bunch of drunken 18 year olds. UVM always ranks in the top 10 party schools. These are not nice, quiet, upperclassman dorms we’re talking about here, they’re loud, vomit filled, cinder-blocked dorms. There IS one nice dorm with is in suite form, but it’s notoriously hard to get into. There’s a reason people get the hell off campus the second they are allowed to.

And though I could just go to another school, I’m not sure my grades are good enough yet. I only have 15 college credits, my high school grades suck.

15

Thanks, Swimming. That makes it much easier for me to dispense my advise, and Lord knows I love to dispense advice. Not that I actually take any advice given to me, or even the advice I give. I just like telling other people what to do. (Which explains why I so often go down to the Pit and try to help people out by telling them where to stick things.)
Anyways. A few more things to ponder. Assuming school ends in mid-May and begins in early September, that’s three months of chorework taking up your weekends and evenings while jobwork takes up your days so that you can pay rent and save for the coming year. Combine that with strained relations with your parents, and it sounds like taking up the offer is guaranteeing one-quarter of your year to be spent in near hell.

But, you’re working in a place you don’t seem to like. Eight hours a day, forty hours a week- that’s just under a quarter of your year right there. So it becomes more of a question of how do you like your hell- evenly spread or in great big lumps?

Not to blow my own horn, but if someone wants to steal that last line as a sig, you’re more than welcome to.

Sorry. Back to the advice-giving. Of course, living in the apartment gives you a sanctuary to return to, with a wonderful cat to take care of you. Even with the no-work thing, you’ll get little doses of hell from dorm-mates driving you insane.

So, my new opinion (guaranteed to change with new information, or the wind, depending upon which arrives first):

Either:
1.) Do the apartment and the job. Better for the resume, better for your stress levels, ability to show to your parents that you can live on your own without godfather taking care of you may make relations more civil.

OR

2.) Do the dorm thing, but go overboard with being a study geek so that you can get the hell out of that school and off to a college where dorm life will be just as cheap, but not involve drunk roommates blasting Kid Rock all night long.

I lean towards number one; it gives you more options (you can always fall back to number 2 should the job situation deteriorate; but finding a good job and a good apartment is hard to do).

16

Swiddles, don’t do it. Don’t move into the dorms. I think having to repay a $6000 loan isn’t as bad as the fate that waits for you if you move.

You already said that 1) you love your current apartment. You’re free, you’re independent and you’re happy there. It’s almost a guarantee that you wouldn’t be happy in the dorm. 2) you would have to give up your cat. I totally understand how hard that would be, and the living situation for the cat at your parents’ house sounds horrible. 3) you would have to live with your parents again. I know I would rather… well, I’d do just about anything to avoid that situation.

You’re already getting so much “free” money for your schooling. I don’t think you would be foolish for guaranteeing your sanity by staying in your apartment. I loved living in the dorms, but I was 18 years old and ready for that kind of environment. Sounds to me like you’re way past that.

One question, though: if you take out a loan to cover your living expenses, why do you have to work? Or are you cutting it down to the least amount of money you would have to borrow?

17

Yeah, Swim, after you last post, I say you kick that on-campus idea like an extra point. You’ll probably end up happier in the long run.

Plus, this way I can break into your apartment some time, without those meddlesome dorm security people breaking up my fun.

18

Swiddles -

They don’t have any on-campus apts at your school? Jeez, even UTA has on-campus apartments & it’s a commuter school.

It sounds like your best option right now is to research whether you can get into another school. If your college grades are good (A’s & B’s) it may be the best time, 'cause they probably won’t transfer the actual grade, just a Pass/No Pass (something I didn’t learn until I got 8 hours of A when I was home for summer one year) There should be schools out there that have on-campus apartments, that allow pets and let you stay in the apartment when the school is closed. (Well I stayed in an apartment that was open when the school was closed - my cat wasn’t supposed to be there :wink: )

I wish you the best of luck, you don’t have many good options right now.

19

Swiddles, all this advice, both pro-dorm and pro-apartment, has merit. But the only one who can make the ultimate decision is you, and only you know the dynamics of every aspect of the situation.

You could do the old divide a piece of paper into two columns and list the pros on one side and the cons on the other. That will at least give you concrete lists that might aid your decision making. You’re trying to process a helluva lotta info here, girl.

I’ve already said my piece above (and thanks for your kind words, I knew there was a reason I liked ya), so I won’t cloud your mind with a lot of other agitprop.

But if you don’t mind Ol’ Uncle Dave giving one more piece of advice (and remember, kid, I’m twice as old as you, even though my age is belied by my boyish good looks), I want you to remember one thing. College is short, life is long.

Take the long view. Nothing is perfect, and whatever doesn’t destroy you only serves to make you stronger.

Good luck.

20

Take the dorm room. Also keep your apartment.

You would have ot work for rent, but your meal plan will be paid for. You can also try a few nights in the dorm to determine just how attrocious that solution would be. Alternatively, if the work situation becomes too much of a burden, you have an easy transition into a paid for dorm room. Finally, you will have a grateful roommate (a single for th eprice of a double) that might even grow to be a real frien despite being under 24.