Slow (but impatient) drivers

The BBQ Pit
41

Okay, here’s one from last week I’m going to get off my chest.

Exit ramp from toll road onto four-lane highway is crammed with cars at rush hour – we were creeping and merging until we got onto the four lane. But the speed picked up. Soon we were cruising along at 50 in a solid column, still accelerating a little, everyone happy to be moving again.

Boom – in my rearview, I see a fighter pilot behind the car following me swing out into the right lane. It’s a very long “right turn only” lane leading to a government facility that I doubt people visit at this time of the evening. Likely conclusion: fighter pilot is going to run up illegally in the right-turn-only lane and merge back in.

This is a problem: there’s no room, we’re a solid block of cars in the right through lane. The left lane, moreover, is fairly clear – the fighter pilot could make (her, it turns out) run legally on the left without a problem: but where’s the fun in that?

ZOOM – here comes the fighter pilot, swooping ahead two or three car lengths, now passing me on the right. Suddenly all the speed goes out of her and she settles in, pacing the small gap between me and the car in front of me. I realize she plans on cutting in. This is extra-stupid, since it means only gaining two positions in the line, for the trouble and risk of lawbreaking and being rude. I don’t control other drivers, but I do control my own following distance, and I keep it just a hair too small for her to cut in.

ZOOM, she kicks it back up to ludicrous speed, and leapfrogs another two cars forward in the solid column.

I can’t see if someone let her in deliberately or if she forced her nose into the gap, but the guys in front of me stop.

That’s right, STOP, at 50 miles an hour on an unobstructed highway. Full stop. I slam on the anti-locks as does the guy behind me. Did I mention it was raining lightly? Holy mother of God, we’re sliding, even with the anti-locks!

We missed each other, no crunching.

Miss Fighter Pilot is long gone, but the guy she cut in on now starts moving again, and we all resume driving. The fighter pilot gained four car positions forward at the low, low cost of nearly causing a multi-car pileup.

Now driving a bit slower than the speed limit, I nevertheless caught up with her at the next light, so she didn’t gain anything at all, net.

What sort of thought process goes on inside the heads of such people?

42

Something like this, I imagine.

43

Yeah, that figures.

44

Okay, so the fast drivers have places to go, and are massively annoyed by grandma hugging the steering wheel at 15 mph, while the rest of you want us to settle the fuck down. Maybe we do need to relax. We can all agree that little Madyyssin texting her BFF while straddling two lanes at 15 mph is both annoying as fuck and dangerous.

That said, why do this:

or this:

Why do you need to jump in front of anyone if you’re not going anywhere? What was wrong with your lane or particular portion of the sidewalk? Why move into someone else’s way simply because it is there, and then slow everyone else down? Why why why? I want charts, graphs, spreadsheets and apologies.

45

Literally everyone has had some kind of lapse of attention in their car. Luckily for some people like me, that hasn’t resulted in any accidents. But don’t fool yourself into thinking you would never be the cause of an accident, and everyone who does something stupid on the road is an asshole.

46

It’s worse when you’re on a motorcycle. Even taking off casually on my bike and shifting at 5,000 RPM (high for a car, but low for a bike that hits peak torque at 9,000 and peak power at 11,000), I leave the other cars well behind me. I have to say that people do it less often when I’m on my bike than when I’m in the big F250, which moves about as quickly as the tectonic plates, so at least some people have a clue. But those few morons that don’t irritate the hell out of me. It is actually a challenge to accelerate as slowly as a typical cager on my bike. It usually involves letting out on the clutch most of the way, grabbing it again and hitting the brakes a little, accelerating again letting completely out on the clutch, closing the throttle again, etc. This happens up to about 30 MPH when finally I’ve shifted a couple of times and the slightest twist of the throttle doesn’t send me barreling towards the next vehicle’s ass. I’ve come real close to just rocketing between them or down the median. Why won’t the idiots in the government just legalize lane splitting already?

47

I see your point about roundabouts. Some cities around here are installing them, over the screams from taxpayers. Converting one crossing to a roundabout costs a million and a half dollars. That’s if you don’t have to lop the corners off any buildings to build it.

48

Dearest Bittiez,
Your reasoning is backwards. I don’t see the point in buying a race car, if you’re going to drive it on crowded legal roads.

If your pleasure in life is driving insanely, then you should move to the quiet side roads. Driving at 85 mph through a quiet residential area, now that would be perfectly insane! You’d have the added thrill of dodging dogs and children, too. It’s a win-win.

49

Man, I live in a town fulla top guns.

I live literally less than a 1/4 mile from one of the gates to Ft. Bragg. I can get in my car now and be at the gate within 3 minutes and thats if I liesurely stroll to my car, fiddle with the radio and drive slowly to the gate. Since I work not far from that gate I can actually drive to my office in ten minutes. In normal traffic.

The problem is, theres rarely normal traffic at the gate when its work time. Traffic is piled down the main road leading to the gate for miles at 6AM. Because, you see, mst units on Bragg hold morning PT formation between 0600 and 0630. There are only three lanes entering that gate and it gets bogged down as the guards have to check the ids of everyone entering the post.

Thats a minor annoyance, what is a major annoyance is this. I live on a quiet suburban street. I drive three houses down, make a left onto Brunswick and drive 1/8 of a mile or so to reach the road leading into the gate. (Yadkin Road, for any who have been to Bragg). Recently people have been cutting off of Yadkin, and driving through the neighborhoods (where there is little to no traffic at 0600). So b the time I make my left there is a line of cars of speed demons leading onto Yadkin.

That annoys me, but not as much as the people that then come screaming down the road a 0600 in my residential neighborhood, and drive in the opposite lane all the way up to Yadkin and [pull into the convenience store parking lot, only to try to merge into traffic on Yadkin from there.

First of all, Dickhead, you’re in the wrong lane. Yeah, its 6 in the morning, but people fucking live here. I don’t actually care where YOU live, but if it is going to cost you getting up 20 minutes earlier to get to work on time, boohoo. Stop cutting through my nieghborhood and driving in the wrong lane. I PAY to live here and I decided the cost was worth it because it would be a smaller commute.

I’ve talked to the convenience store manager and we jokingly concluded that he might have to block the entrance to his parking lot on Brunswick from 0500 to 0630 to stop people from doing this. Or ask the cops to sit a car there.

It sounds petty but morons doing this add ten minutes to my drive time. So it takes me about 20 to 25 minutes to go 4 freaking miles. I’ve literally gone on 4 mile PT runs to that gate where I get there faster than it takes me to drive to PT! Its been getting worse in the last few weeks (I guess a lot of deployed units have returned adding to the traffic). I expect that the traffic will be at my driveway in a month if nothing is done.

So yeah, I’ll be a selfish dick and say it…I live here…I pay to live here. If you chose to live further away then just fucking suck it up and leave earlier for work. Stop using my neighborhood as a shortcut and driving in whatever lane before you hurt someone.

50

You drive a quarter mile to work?:confused:

51

I haven’t been to Ft. Bragg in particular, but most of the other bases I’ve been on … your office might be 3 miles away from the gates.

52

I understand that, he also said he worked a short distance from the gate. 10 minutes of normal drive from house to office (including stopping at the gate to show ID). If his 3 minutes equal a 1/4 mile drive then it is less than a mile to his office. I’d hoof it rain or snow if I worked less than a mile from the office.

53

On re-read, I’m with Uzi. Jolly, can you ride a bicycle to the office? Or will the guys checking IDs not let a bicyclist line-jump?