No it isn’t. Who on earth thinks that a law-abiding person deserves to have their property stolen just for being careless with it?
Even if you’re stupidly careless with your property, the blame for committing the crime of theft still rests completely with the thief, not with the victim of the theft.
Also, you’re deceptively conflating “a notoriously bad bar at three o’clock in the morning” with “anywhere at any time” (besides conflating property crimes with physical assault, as noted above). A woman should not have to treat the entirety of her social life like a notoriously bad bar, where it’s her responsibility to expect and prepare for severe danger, and her fault if she fails to guard against danger in every possible way.
Drinking with your friends in their apartment is not the same thing as being “outside a notoriously bad bar”. Wearing a skimpy dress to an office party or campus kegger is not the same thing as being “outside a notoriously bad bar”. Women’s due diligence for their own safety should not have to include regarding all situations as highly dangerous and all men as probable rapists.
Do you realize, though, how unfair it is to emphasize the responsibility of women not to get criminally assaulted, rather than making it about the responsibility of people in general not to assault others?
Imagine if your male friends had been given similar “dos and don’ts of partying” even among their acquaintances, friends and neighbors:
- Never take your hand off your wallet; always turn your back if you have to take your wallet out; expect that any time you take your hand off your wallet, someone may try to steal it from you, even if they’re your friend or roommate or neighbor.
- Go in a group for backup in case one of you takes his hand off his wallet and it gets stolen, which could be attempted by anybody at any time.
Would guys be willing to tolerate that kind of normalization of the crime of theft, and the burdensome expectation that it was their responsibility to be constantly vigilant against the ever-present threat of theft, even among people whom they’d expect to be able to trust?
No. So why should women have to tolerate such normalization of sexual assault as something that’s always likely to happen to them under any circumstances?
[QUOTE=LadyJedi]
Suddenly, those rules are now “Slut Shaming”. Regulations forced on women by a misogynistic society wanting to shame them.
[/quote]
Sounds about right. Compare your “always watch your drink like a hawk” rule, which you take for granted as normal and reasonable, with my hypothetical “never take your hand off your wallet” rule, which the vast majority of people would resent as burdensome and unfair. Why is it acceptable to treat drugging somebody’s drink as much more normal, probable and unexceptional than picking somebody’s pocket?
[QUOTE=LadyJedi]
Speaking only for my nieces (not their friends since I don’t know what their families say) the family has tried explaining that the rules are there for protection. To keep them as safe as possible and still let them have fun. We want them to see the dangers out there with open eyes and act accordingly.
[/quote]
They might be more amenable to your advice if you tried making it clear to them that you understand that those particular “dangers” are brutal, sexist and unjust.
To talk about the high prevalence of drugging and rape as just a natural part of the “dangers” of life, like lightning strikes in a thunderstorm or auto accidents on crowded highways, is adding insult to injury. The real problem isn’t that women aren’t watching their drinks carefully enough at parties; the real problem is that so many men consider it acceptable, or at most only slightly bad, to drug women’s drinks at parties in order to assault them sexually.
[QUOTE=LadyJedi]
But sometimes I get scared, sometimes it seems like they accept no responsibility for their own safety?
[/quote]
It is not their responsibility not to get drugged or raped. It is other people’s responsibility not to commit the crimes of drugging or raping them.
I am not saying that women shouldn’t take such extreme precautions to avoid being the victims of such crimes, even though it’s burdensome and unfair. I’m saying that we need to be very clear that treating such precautions as the “responsibility” of women is burdensome and unfair.
[QUOTE=LadyJedi]
And having them tell us we are slut shaming them is not a big help in resolving the issue.
[/quote]
Like I said, try not slut-shaming them and see if that helps. That is, start the discussion by acknowledging that the real responsibility is on potential rapists to not rape people, rather than on potential rape victims to not get raped. Recognize that it’s unfair to be pressuring these young women about their behavior when they’re totally innocent of wrongdoing, rather than pressuring rapists to stop committing and attempting criminal acts.
Once you get that fundamental acknowledgement out there in the open, you may have a better shot at reconciling them, for their own protection, to the unjust burden of pre-emptively defending themselves against other people’s criminal behavior.