By all means, include yourself in this little survey, too. This is inspired by something that was said last week, and it just tickled me so much I had to share it with strangers.
I’m on vacation in Europe. Last week I was staying in a youth hostel with my girlfriend and we met a couple of very interesting people from Canada (Vancouver?). With my girlfriend being the queen of small talk and ditzy statements, she asked, in all seriousness, “so, like, who rules you? Do you have your own government?”
You could see the pain on the Canadians’ faces, exerting all possible control to not fall over laughing. I, however, have no such qualms and teased her mercilessly for hours.
I tease my wife about this every time the british monarchy is in the news. She’s from New Zealand so technically that’s her queen too. I think that the british monarchy actually has some control over Canada though. Whether or not it actually exerts that control is another story.
My friend Steve is a pretty bright guy with common sense and a good sense of humor. One day he was telling me about something stupid that his sister said. He quoted her as saying, “I’m not stupid like Jessica Simpson or anything, but (then goes on to say something stupid).”
Fast forward to later in the day, and Steve and I are talking about “That '70’s Show”. Steve said, “I don’t know, but Wisconsin must be a pretty boring town.”
I couldn’t believe it. I paused a second and said, “You know, Steve, you’re not stupid like Jessica Simpson or anything, but I’m pretty sure that Wisconsin is a state.”
My daughter is a very intelligent girl. Most of the time, she is well-spoken and it is obvious that she is very intelligent. But she is blonde. Very, very blonde. She recently was given the “Ditzy Blonde” award from her classmates in band because of her “not thinking” comments.
One night, she and her brother were both out of the house, so my husband and I ordered pizza from Pizza Slut. The leftovers were left in their boxes (clearly emblazoned with the Pizza Slut logo) and put in the 'fridge for the kids to enjoy the next day. When my lovely daughter saw the pizza in the 'fridge, the following exchange took place:
Daughter: “you guys had pizza for dinner?”
Mr. Litoris: “yup”
Daughter: “are there leftovers?”
Mr. Litoris: “what do you think is in the boxes?”
Daughter: “shut up! Where’d you get the pizza?”
Mr. Litoris: :dubious: “From Papa John’s”
Daughter: “really? oh, ok.”
Mr. Litoris: “…”
Daughter: “what? …” :smack:
I was going to start a thread on this, but I suppose it could go here. I have no idea if the guy is smart, though, and I expect he’s not. But his date was really cute, and seemed smart herself. It ain’t dumb to date someone like her.
I was sitting next to them in a restaurant.
Her: How about a Mexican pizza?
Him: I was thinking about getting the salmon kwess-eh-dill-eh.
Her: laughs uncontrollably for about five minutes
Him: What’s so funny?
Her: It’s pronounced kay-seh-dee-eh.
Him: Then why does it say kwess-eh-dill-eh?
Her: It’s Spanish. Kay-seh-dee-eh.
Him: I don’t see no K in there.
Her: But that’s how it’s pronounced.
Him: No it isn’t. Kwess-eh-dill-eh. It says it right there.
My wife was caravaning to Las Vegas with her mother this weekend. Her mother’s car broke down 60 miles south of Bakersfield. When my wife called me to let me know this information, I asked her if she even had cell-phone service in that area. She was on her cell-phone.
When I was in high school, I was good friends with (and dated at one point) a nice girl who, while rather intelligent, didn’t think about things before she said them. One night, me and a friend went to a ball game, came home, and I had logged on to check my email. My messenger popped up and it was from this girl, we’ll call her Jen, and she wanted to know if I could talk. The next part went something like this
Me: Sure, but I don’t want to be online long, so you can call me if you want.
Jen: Ok, I’ll call you in a few minutes.
*The house phone rings at my parents, instead of my cell like I expected
Jen: Hey, where are you?
Me: umm…in the dining room, you know, where the phone is?
She had no idea she even had my parent’s phone number anywhere, but called it and wondered where I was. She then got embarrassed and I laughed for a good minute straight. Yeah, I’m easily amused.
One of my friends, a Jewish guy, and I were discussing the marvels of the Reuben The Great at Jason’s Deli. Feeling sorry for him for being unable to eat one, I made the idiotic comment, “Corned beef, isn’t that pork?” Only when the last word had passed my lips did I realize what a moron I was.
I run a D&D game, and I got to hear a real gem from a player the other day. The party had recently found an item that would allow the wearer to walk on water once a day, and they were arguing over who should get it. The ranger stated that he should have it, because it would help him track people over rivers.