Normally the world of horse racing doesn’t have much impact on me.
But what with Smarty Jones having won the first two legs of the Triple Crown and going for the sweep at the Belmont Stakes Saturday, the level of published idiocy is making an impression.
The outright weirdest and dumbest piece was published in the New York Times this week. The writer suggested that America was hanging on the outcome of the Belmont in hopes of relief from Iraq and other problems, much as Secretariat rescued the nation when he won the Triple Crown in ‘73. The writer also praised Smarty Jones’ “intelligent good looks”.
Cripes, it’s a horse for crying out loud. It looks pretty much like any thoroughbred. I doubt even other horses are very impressed by its “intelligent good looks”. Show me its board scores, and we’ll talk intelligence. It runs fast, and somewhat faster when someone whacks it with a stick.
As for the Relief of the National Malaise argument, I was around when Secretariat did his thing, and I can’t recall it making much of a dent in the national discourse of the time. And it strains credulity to think that people will come together in a happy obliteration of our national problems if Smarty comes in first (I’ll check the SDMB first thing if he wins, to see if Reeder and Brutus are exchanging undying pledges of brotherhood).
Woo-woo-woo.
I went out with Smarty Jones last week, and he is not just a horse. He took me to the Met and was able to discourse (of course, of course) on pre-Revolutionary French clothing, and treated me to dinner at “21” afterward.
Then we chucked that little guy on his back and went partying at Smarty’s place, and . . . well, “just a horse” doesn’t begin to cover it.
(Doodling in notebook: “Mrs. Smarty Jones . . . Eve Jones . . . Dr. and Mrs. Smarty Jones . . .”)
Eve, just make sure that when you die you convince people that it was on a toilet rather than under a horse, because stuff like this is how urban legends start.
So that’s where he was when I couldn’t reach him by phone.
And he swore that he was just visiting his mum, The Old Grey Mare.
Studs, they’re all alike you know-just one thing on their minds.
Pedophile! He’s only three years old.
Not to mention in training. If he loses the race, you will be responsible for the destruction of civilization as we know it.
I’m sick of hearing about it, mostly because a) I don’t give a fig for horse racing, b) it’s making Sportscenter unwatchable, and c) “Smarty Jones” is a really stupid name. What’s next, “Wiseass Willie?”
Excuse me? Let’s be just a little careful with the NASCAR = redneck there and I won’t have to open this here can of whoop-ass on you.
Actually, they’ll spend their time talking about Tiger Woods and his “slump”. The US Open starts next week (I’m aware of that because…wait for it…I’m going!).
True, very true. You forgot to mention the riveting golf coverage.
With the NHL and NBA seasons (finally) over we’re going to see a lot of filler crap. I don’t guess it’s reasonable of me to expect them to fill all 15 sports channels with baseball coverage, but there has to be something more interesting out there.
I’m also saying that a “human interest” story about a horse is just laughable.
“And there they go… It’s Toupee going on ahead, Long Underwear has fallen down behind, and Toothpaste is being squeezed out on the rail—and at twenty to one, Fietlebaum!”
The Pistons don’t even get to play the final series? What, do the Lakers just win by Executive fiat? It’s been 13 years, so I guess I didn’t keep up with the playoffs rule changes.