SMDB - Stuck on level 2

This is hard! It’s almost as hard as the pavement I decided to headbutt last year. Mind you, that was not intentional. Oh, okay, I shall enlighten you somewhat, although not with any form of incendiary device - oh no - not after last time.

It was a cold winter’s day two months before this incident took place. I had been inside the pub (that’s short for public house for those who don’t know) (for those who do know don’t ask, okay?) when I decided that I would have a curry along with several friends.
I didn’t actually consider becoming an anthropophagi, I just wished to have the companionship of a group of friends during this culinary experience. No, not that sort of companionship.

It was as I was perambulating various obstacles on the pavement (or sidewalk as I believe it can be classified) - if you want to know what the obstacles were I’d only tell you a load of bollards - when I sighted it.

It was a railing. Not only a railing, but a flight of steps as well - oh joy! Now, I suppose I should reveal myself a bit (not in the same way I did when I accidentally got my tie caught in the ATM card slot and barely avoided decapitation). I am a reckless bounder - and someone who loves to use hyphens in sentences - I bound around to the extent that I’ve been called Tigger, and my friends regularly talk about ‘PT power’. A railing, to me, is like a rag to a red bull…or should that be red rag to a bull? You know, one of those supposedly inflammatory objects (which has no factual basis since the aforementioned bovine creature is colourblind) which enrages said mammal.

That’s not to say I charge towards railings in a fury. Oh no. I tend to vault them. Jump over them, not put them in a safety deposit box in a bank. This railing was no exception to the rule.

To cut a long story shorter than it would be if I didn’t cut it shorter than it’s full length I attempted to leap, gazelle-like, over the railing.

Imagine an olympic pole-vaulted, mid-flight, having attained a posture of grace and elegance after clearing the bar just as they realise that some bastard has removed the crash mat. That’s how I felt as my trailing foot caught the railing and impeded the progress of my lower body.

This left me without a leg to stand on, so to speak. And so I headbutted the pavement. If you want to know whether I survived you’ll have to speak to my undertaker.

Anyway, back to the OP topic. What was it? <consults notes> Oh yes, the board game.

I’ve subscribed to this board game and I’ve only twice managed to get past level 2, and one of those was on the training setting where you can start on level 9.

My main problem is that there’s so much to see on levels one and two: I’ll often get delayed watching a trainwreck, or narrowly avoid being burnt to death on the first level; as for level two, well I keep getting entangled in various threads and eventually run out of time.

The only time I got to level three, using a rather dodgy poll, the server crashed before I’d saved my position.

I’ve heard that the end of level guardian on level five is some sort of cross between the devil and a politician and can only be beaten by a verbal sword. Not that I’ve got up to level five (“the Great Debating Arena”) but I’ve seen several people who failed to get past the guardian and end up getting chased back to level one - usually engulfed in flames from the denizens of both levels. (I’m told that level four is nothing more than a coffee shop, where you can rest and recuperate.)

Can anyone help me get away from the pit? I just find myself wading through scores of threads about “Why armadillos make better footstools than Relgious icons” or “Racist Troll - this is your conscience calling”.

I’ve tried the helpline but it appears that there’s only a higly sarcastic person on the other end (who has all the answers but won’t tell me them) - he muttered something about it not being a game but my boxed set clearly labels it as a “Fight against ignorance!” with “Teeming millions” of ignorant monsters to destroy with accurately placed facts.

If I don’t get some help soon I’ll demand my money back…


You seem to have totally missed on of the secrets of said Pit, my friend. Once you have deftly survived a forray in to one of those threads and made aquaintence with others who share like ideals, you may progress along with them to other levels.

The Team Play option allows one to move about with significantly more freedom and the possibility of bonus points by recieving “backup” in forums you are not very accustomed with.

To get to level 3 go down the main hallway, past the room with the zombie robots with exploding head launchers, up the stairs on the right then see that dark corner? Tri-jump up there and into the secret passage. Follow that, take all lefts, except for every 3rd split go right. Except for the 16th T junction, which is a right also. This will take you to the high priests room. He’ll tell you about the holy Jep and how you need to drive the holy Jep to get across the sand dunes. Hump the altar behind him (you did bind the hump key didn’t you!!?!). This will open up, disgorging several minature Scott Bao’s with mandables. Blow them up using the DTPES skill you learned back on level 1. Inside the altar is the holy ignition key and the holy jerry can of bad tasting water.

Now go all the way back, until you see the ‘car park’ sign and follow the that. Avoid the tenticled star spawn plush actionfigure dolls (except for the key lime pie coloured one, you need that for level 11). In the car park fight off the undead ressurected zealous car park attended souls and fill the jerry can of bad tasting water from the red nova (NO THE GREEN NOVA – very important). Now go to the Jep, unlock the door, open the gas tank and fill it up. Drive around the parking lot running over the Barbra Streisand Clones. Now go back to the room with the zombie robots (3 rights 2 lefts, jump up the ledges and take the tram). Use the Jep (after you run over enough BSC it’ll shrink) and run them over. Or you can just shoot them with your gun. Take the key the last one drops and open the door. Step through the door and you’re in level 3

I’ve tried this so-called team play thing you speak of, Gorgon Heap, but no one seems to want to play with me. They say they don’t like my sniping tactics - I thought the idea of having a witty one-shot (with laser cites) was to hide away in the corner of the level and every now and then pop up with a snide comment, or throw in the odd ME2 grenade? And, if I come in all guns blazing indiscriminately I tend to get chased back to level one. It’s not fair I tell you!

I am getting the hang of the various weaknesses of the monsters in the pit though, although sometimes the amount of vile acid that is spewed out of their mouths can kill you pretty quickly (unless you have a high stamina).

I thought it was the Jeep, not the Jep, CRorex. I was told that a quicker way was to find the single-trick-equine and ride that until a member of the clique tells me to dismount from my high horse. Then I can flirt my way into level 4. Or was I wrong?


After consulting the Book of Unwritten Rules that came with the game (double-check your box), I found the following under ‘Basic Strategies For Newbies’:

I think I’ll just make up my own strategy as I go along…

I’ve tried flirting my way into level 4, but I seem to keep getting bumped back down. I think the Great Spewage of Complaints has secured my place in level 3, at least, but I just don’t move fast enough to avoid the Web of Forgetfulness.

And what’s this about level 11?? No one told me about a level 11!:confused:

Why do I have the amused idea to change my sig to “Holds the knowledge of how to reach the legendary level 11”