After 67 shutout innings, Dodgers pitcher Orel Hershiser finally surrendered a run this week to the New York Mets. Hershiser was getting very close to the all-time record of not getting scored on, set by Brooke Shields from the age of 16 to… well, what time is it, huh?
Jimmy, you’ve been my friend for a long time. Don’t make me kill you!
Hey, man… look at that salt shaker, man. That is huge!
Citizens: You must now all do the Funky Chicken!
If it’s not Scottish, it’s CRAP!
To Bill Brasky!
Julia Roberts said that the turning point in their marriage was when she realized that she was Julia Roberts and that she was married to Lyle Lovett.
Sprecken ze sassy!?
A statistic in USA Today revealed that one out of every three smokers try to quit smoking each year. The other two quit breathing.
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
(First skit)
Kid, let me tell you something. I did time with Tim Allen. He’s real people but he’s no Santa Claus.
I’d like to blow your cookies.
Because we are two wild and crazy guys!
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”
I just can’t believe the taste of your Schwetty Balls.
I just got a page from a girl that I met at the Payless Shoe Source
Don’t put your lips on it!