Actually, no, but close. A bear walks into a liquor store, in this case:
But the owner also owns the bar next door, appropriately named the “Grizzly Sports Bar and Grill”. The bear apparently turned that down, or maybe was denied entry, on the grounds of being a bear and all, and went for the liquor store instead.
Fortunately, this was in Canada, and the bear was Canadian, so the owner just politely asked him to leave. The bear turned around and quietly walked out, probably muttering “sorry” under his breath.
Hey, this category is called “Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share”, ain’t it?
This story also answers other important questions of our time:
Q: Is a bear Catholic?
A: No. Good Catholics don’t go wandering around liquor stores in the middle of the night. You’ll never see the Pope doing that.
Q: Does a bear shit in a liquor store?
A: No. As we can see here, the bear leaves in a very proper fashion after his shopping is done, leaving the store as pristine as he found it, and shits in the woods when he gets home. Hence the perennially popular question, “does a bear shit in the woods?” can finally now be answered absolutely in the affirmative.
So a talking bear walks into a bar with his owner. The owner states that his bear can talk. The bartender indicates that he is willing to wager $5 that the bear cannot talk. So , the bear’s owner goes to the restroom and the bear initiates a conversation with the bartender. When the bear’s owner returns from the restroom, he finds his bear in the street doing something. The bear’s owner says to his bear, “I have never seen you doing anything like that before!” The bear replies, “I’ve never had $5 before.”
A bear walks into a bar, bleeding heavily from the mouth. The bartender asked the bear if he needed medical help. The bear makes a writing gestures and the bartender hands him a pen and pad.
The bear writes “I’m looking for the man who shot my maw.”
I work in an area where black bears are common and I can tell you that I have yet to see bear shit in the woods. I have seen plenty of it in the middle of the gravel road. Given the preference they obviously prefer to crap out in the open. FWIW, pooed blueberries are not fun to clean off the truck.
Virtual Railfan has a live cam in Revelstoke, on one of the main streets in town. A bear has turned up several times on the cam in the past few weeks; wonder if it’s the same one?
What if you should suddenly find yourself in the company of a dangerous animal which has become sentient, bear with me, and your only hope of rescue is to send a coded message? Bear.With.Me!
Here’s that bear again, apparently now thoroughly drunk. At least, it looks like the same bear to me as the one in the liquor store surveillance camera:
This is why bears should not be allowed to purchase liquor. Yogi, or Bruno, or whatever the hell his name is, apparently sat up all night and much of the next morning drinking, and then went out and started pawing at women.
A bear walks into a bar and says, “I would like a…glass of beer, please.” The bartender says, “Certainly, but what’s with the pause?” The bear replies, I can’t help it, I was born with them. "
