So a woman racially harassed me today...(long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So today I’m waitressing a 10 hour day. No biggie, it’s a normal routine for me during breaks as I need to earn some cash. When you waitress in a Thai restaurant in an urban city, you encounter some pretty iffy people. Tonight was the one that took the cake.

I seat a (white) woman with her (white) male companion. They try to order the dishes in horrible Thai, that’s fine, it just takes three times longer for them to order since I have to figure out what they’re trying to ask for. When I try to correct their pronunciation so that they can, you know, learn the language, they insist that they’re saying the correct words in the correct way. Sure, don’t mind the actual Thai person who actually speaks the language.

In an effort to make conversation, they ask me what my major is since I work in a city where there is a prestigious university, of course they assume I go there. I tell them that no, I attend another university because I wanted to go away to college rather than stay at home. I also tell them my majors are psychology and Asian American studies. The woman says:

“Since you’re studying Asian American psychology (not what I said), isn’t it unhealthy for Asian women to be so docile and subservient? And you’re Asian, why didn’t you stay at home with your family? I thought Asian women stayed with their families forever.”

What the fuck??? I let her know that it is hard to determine whether or not an aspect of an entire culture profoundly affects a person’s psychology. It is especially difficult to label one (supposed normally occuring) aspect of the culture as “unhealthy” in the context she was describing. She then tells me that all the Asians she knows are quiet and that if they became more “American”, that they might be considered more healthy by Americans because Asians have odd customs. I was about to give her a piece of my mind, but reluctantly, I bit my lip and walked away as I’m supposed to be refilling people’s water glasses as the restaurant is filling up.

When I walk by again, she tells me that she’s impressed that I speak English so well and that she can’t detect an accent from me. I tell her that I am an American citizen and I was born and raised in the U.S. She proceeds to look astonished and ask me:

“You were born here? But you’re Asian. How…?”

At this point I’m seeing red and I don’t even dignify her questions with an answer and instead walk away to seat another customer who just walked in. But as I pass by their table to get some dishes for another table, her companion asks me if I heard of this prominent Thai pianist because, you know, Asians love playing the piano and hey, he’s Thai, I should know him. I tell him no, and then he of course tells me he thought that Asians were close to their roots and asked why I wasn’t more into my culture. (Or according to his lady friend, my “unhealthy” culture.)

This just left a sour taste in my mouth because even though these weren’t blatant attacks, they were so astonishingly rude and stereotyping that I couldn’t comprehend a total stranger going into an ethnic restaurant and then actually asking the waitstaff why a culture embraces a supposed ‘unhealthy’ aspect such as docility. I’m not saying that Asians should be docile or anything like that, but you don’t see me saying to her “hey you’re white, don’t you think it’s wrong that there’s whitetrash out there sucking up all the welfare?” To me, it’s like going into East Oakland and asking an African American waiter if he thinks their people are psychologically unsound. I also wouldn’t go into a predominantly African American neighborhood and ask a resident if they thought the people around there are thugs because they speak and dress “ghetto”.

Her comments were uncalled for and pretty offensive to me. I’m tired of always having to answer whether or not I speak English as I go about my daily life. How long are Asians going to be thought of as foreigners and scrutinized by the ‘true American people’? When will we be American enough to warrant the rights and privileges that come with being American without having to constantly fight to prove ourselves? When can Asian men be just men and not the deviant or effeminate ones? When can Asian women be just women and not dragon ladies or delicate lotus blossoms?

I’m tired of having to justify being me.

2

What? Didn’t you know that in most cases, when an Asian man and an Asian woman live in the US and have a baby, their baby turns out completely white? Just like when you move two grizzly bears to the North Pole and breed them, a polar bear is born?

Haha. I kid, of course. I can’t believe she was stumped at the fact that you’re Asian and live in the US. The mind boggles, it does.

The worst part about it is that she and her companion probably thought they were doing you a big favour by talking to you and “educating” you. Either that, or they were doing that thing that some people do where they speak to someone of a different race and then brag about it to their friends to prove how open-minded and well-versed in other cultures they are! (My dad does that. If he speaks to a person of another race, he’ll tell everyone about it for years to come, no matter how boring the conversation actually was, because he wants people to know he was talking to someone of another race. “My friend Jarvis, The Black Guy, said it was going to rain! Haha! Can you believe it? Rain? Oh, that Jarvis, he’s great!”)

3

I bet you’re the first Asian person she has ever gotten to talk to.
Makes me wonder where this woman was raised–while Asian Americans are a small minority of folks here in my local school district, there have always been a few. Enough, anyway, for others to figure out that their English is just fine, that their “women” are not always docile and that their work ethic beats the hell out of alot of other people (to generalize grossly), and that their kids born here are American citizens (how dumb is this woman?). :rolleyes:
Frankly, she sounds like a complete ass.

4

You behaved well despite crass provocation.
(As a waiter, it’s best not to snap at rude, stupid customers. Get management if necessary.)

Please bear in mind that these idiots can’t speak another language, are appallingly ignorant of other cultures, have no sensitivity to other people and can’t even repeat a simple phrase correctly. :wally

You’re a multi-lingual University student who is willing to work hard.
YOU’RE BETTER THAN THEM! :smiley:

5

Oh, man do I sympathize! I’m white. I was born in England, grew up in the US, and look stereotypically English. Nevertheless, I spent several years in Hawaii working in Japanese tourism.

I still remember the woman who came up to my Japanese company’s tour desk asking for the location of a good Jewish deli. After a prolonged discussion during which I repeatedly explained that this was a Japanese tour company and we didn’t get much call for Jewish delis (I’d only moved to Hawaii a few months before, so I didn’t know where there was one), she said “Oh, you speak Japanese?” When I assured her I did, she replied, “Oh! But your English is so good!” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was my native language.

Some years later, I was in the hospital for a bout of clinical depression. For some reason, I said something to one of the staff members in Japanese (she’d probably spoken to me in it first) which prompted another patient to tell me to go back where I came from meaning, presumably, Japan. I figured she was crazier than I was.

Penchan, for what it’s worth, I’ve run into similar bits of ignorance about English and people have been surprised I’m not familiar with some small village, even though I’ve lived here since I was a toddler. Some people are just plain ignorant and, while I do believe in fighting ignorance (if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here), it’s usually not worth my paycheck. I’m sorry it happened. On the other hand, if you play up the absurdity, the story should be good for a laugh or two!

CJ

6

I cringe. Especially when I spent five years at Davis (although there were no Thai restaurants back then so I guess that’s progress).

I’ve got three hapa girls and doing what I can to prepare them to face some of these moments that you handled quite well.

7

Wow. Doesn’t it sometimes amaze you how stupid people can be? And they keep making them dumber and dumber.

8

Davis? Oh, yes. I remember some interesting experiences during my tenure at my alma mater. Try being a White guy in an Asian Studies class. In one class, one of the Asian-American students appointed himself to educate me as to why I had no business in that class. He thought he could intimidate me out of a very real and very important field. When it became increasingly obvious that wouldn’t work, he got very angry and loud and then directed his ire at one woman in my study group.

After the term was over, the teachers and I had a wonderful and entertaining talk about the jerk. We got a big kick out of his assertion that Asian women who come to America are hookers. One teacher suggested that we ask him if it was his mom or grandma that was a slut.

BTW, that teacher is Japanese-American. He said he was surprised when he visited Japan and found out how different the Japanese spoken there is from what he grew up speaking. I’ve no idea how different the Thai spoken by 2nd or 3rd generation in America is from the Thai spoken in Thailand, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if it’s quite different. Of course, the idiot—er, customers mentioned in the OP were obviously jackasses and probably think that the cute little transliteration into English is the perfect way to say those Thai words.

9

*When I walk by again, she tells me that she’s impressed that I speak English so well and that she can’t detect an accent from me. I tell her that I am an American citizen and I was born and raised in the U.S. She proceeds to look astonished and ask me:

“You were born here? But you’re Asian. How…?”*

When a man and a woman love each other very much…

10

I had a history teacher back in high school who was born in Germany but had been in the US for at least 30 years, if not longer. (He was in his 50s at the time, IIRC.) Nonetheless, he still had a very thick German accent but spoke fluent English.

There was a girl in the grade ahead of me who would graduate in the top of the class. She had a fairly common Western/English-style first name and a Chinese family name. She had him for his history class, and one day this teacher told her, speaking somewhat slowly as if talking to a non-native speaker, “You speak very good English.” Considering she was born in the US and spoke with a midwestern US accent like everyone else in that class, I certainly hope so.

11

I suspect the female person ( not “the lady”) who was discussed by the OP, was fresh off the farm, with manure still on her boots.

Just overcharge her on the tab, & she probably won’t notice. Living well is the best revenge.

12

The woman was a complete twit.
There is no excuse for her idiotic commentary on “Asians,” etc.

There may be some small mitigating factor regarding her perception of Thais in the U.S.: their immigration in large numbers is still somewhat recent (and ongoing). In the couple of Thai restaurants near me, I have a 50-50 chance of meeting a server who was born in California or Ohio whose language is perfect colloquial American and meeting a server who grew up in Bangkok or Surat Thani whose English is marginally intelligible.

This in no way excuses the nonsense about “Asians” or her continued nattering, but it might explain her reaction to your command of 'Mer’c’n. If her experience has been limited to meeting recent immigrants, her tiny brain may not have been able to grasp the idea that they are only one segment of the population.

13

Aahhhh she wasn’t being racist. Pity her, she suffers from terminal stupidity.

As to the “timid asian woman” yeah, right As a man married to a born and raised in Korea, Korean… I just say bwahahahahahahahahaha.

14

There are ten kinds of stupid out there. This particular kind is one of the most annoying. I’ve always wanted to scream when I hear the “But you don’t fit into the stereotype of Race X? How can that BE??” talk.

I’m Metis and have gotten my share of dumbass questions like:

“So you probably own a horse, right?”

“Can you speak Indian?”

“Wow, so your last name is X? I know a Native guy from Alberta whose last name is X. Do you know him?”

And my answers usually sent them for a loop:

“No. I think I’ve sat on a horse twice in my life.”

“Depends which language you mean. Ojibway? Mohawk? Salish? Inuit? Michif? I know like 3 words in Cree, which is my background. But that’s only in the Y dialect.”

“Nope.”

15

Sorry for the hijack, but which Thai place in Davis? Is it the one down by Woodstock’s?

-CynicalGabe, recent emigre from Davis.

16

Most people don’t seem to realize that your accent and the way you speak is more a reflection of where you grew up and the people you grew up around as opposed to anything relating to your ethnicity.

A guy my age who I went to school with from 1st-12th grade was Chinese-American, his familly had immigrated like 3 generations back so they were fully Americanized. Growing up in Virginia, he developed the Southern style of speaking and the much maligned/cherished/whatevered Southern “twang” and it was always hilarious when people first met him as they were typically astonished by an asian guy who sounded exactly like your average resident from south Virginia.

17

As the dedicated boyfriend of Penchan - who is waitressing at the moment - I have to point out that she’s going to Davis but works at her family’s restaurant in Berkeley. (You should all go! :D)

The woman was also confused that Penchan didn’t go to UCB, and apparently got a little condescending about it - along the lines of:

“So you go to UC Berkeley?”
“No…”
“Oh… I see… :dubious:”
“… I wanted to get away from home, be independent.”

Very true. Now Penchan isn’t a scholar in the Thai language or anything, but she is the first generation born here and her family regularly travels back and forth all over the country. So although that’s a very good point, I don’t think it applies to this jackass/customer - I take Penchan’s word that the customer really was butchering the language.

18

Depending on how the question was asked, the questioner would either get an earful of amicable agreement or a tongue lashing from me.

This sounds like the set-up for a Chappelle Show skit (says the man in the middle of watching Seasons 1 & 2 DVDs back to back.)

You don’t owe an explanation for your existence to anyone. Not a syllable. Buuuuuuuut it’s a kindness to dispell ignorance when you can. Sometimes… people deserve a look. You know the look? I’m a teacher, I’m a master of the look. The look makes people trail off mid-sentence choking on their words becuase you’ve non-verbally made them aware with a stare of horrified, slightly pitying disapproval just how stupid their opinions sound. become a master of the look, Daniel-san. (Apologies if it is racially insensitive of me to make a reference to “The Karate Kid” in a thread about Asian cultural stereotypes. I’m on a roll.)

Sometimes the harshest remedies are foremost the kindest.

19

Which one? I tend to most frequently patronize Krung Thep on San Pablo, near Portrero in El Cerrito. It’s close and I like the food. When I had friend who lived a little further down in the other direction, we used to go to Ruen Pair in Albany a lot as well. But I’ve been to a few of the Berkeley Thai places and I’m always up to try a new one :).

  • Tamerlane
20

The weirdest part about this is that this conversation apparently took place in Berkeley. Berkeley is chock-full of people of Asian background, many of whom have families that have been in the US for generations. It’s not like y’all were in some little town in BFE. Weird, weird, weird.

An Arab-American girl I knew in college, an observant Muslim who wore a hijab, once told me that a woman on an airplane complimented her on her English. After all, only a crazy furriner would wear a headscarf, right? To her credit, she snapped back “Well, I should hope I speak good English, I was born and raised in the United States!” Heh.