After a rough pregnancy and colicky infant, I suppose this isn’t surprising. My OB diagnosed me with postpartum depression Tuesday and started me on Zoloft. Whee.
I was prepared going into this pregnancy to get help if I needed it–with my first, I think I had a mild case of PPD but didn’t recognize it. This time around, it’s been more pronounced. It isn’t that I’m mopey-sad; it’s that I’m easily overwhelmed and cannot handle much stress. Of course, I’m under a ton of stress–I work full time, have a 4-year-old, a nearly 6-month-old, and use my breast pump three times a day. I don’t get to rest until about 8pm every night, when both boys are asleep. I hate admitting it, but sometimes the stress would so overwhelm me I had an urge to hurt myself. I don’t mean suicide; I mean, pound my head against a wall, or hit myself, or punch a door. Sometimes I would pound a wall, sometimes I would hit myself in the head, but usually I could grit my teeth and resist (though the internal battle would give me a headache). The compulsions were getting stronger, though, and for the sake of my family I sought help.
It isn’t really affecting my work as a teacher–heck, work is a break for me–and I think (hope) once summer vacation starts, I’ll be able to just get outside, exercise, and rest. I’m hoping I won’t need meds in the fall when school starts up again, but I will listen to my doctor.
This has been very difficult for me in many ways. I feel weak as a mother and as a person, and I don’t like that I’m taking medication that alters my personality. At the same time, I recognize I wasn’t myself and things just weren’t right, and something physiologically was off.
Ruffian - Good for you recognizing it and acting on it. The Zoloft may be changing your personality, but it’s not your personality, anyway. It’s the PPD.
Can you still breastfeed while on the med? I know you want to, but maybe having that stress off you will help.
Yeah, it’s not my personality anyway–that’s been my thinking, too.
Zoloft is safe for breastfeeding moms. My OB actually urged me to quit breastfeeding and let my ovaries return to normal function (and regulate hormones), but everything I’ve read and researched (as well as what some friends on the breastfeeding community) has said breastfeeding is not a cause of PPD–and in fact, it decreases incidences and/or severity of it. It releases relaxing hormones that comfort mom and baby, and it honestly helps me sleep sometimes.
I intend to pump the 2 1/2 weeks left of school, then once summer is here, I want to go all Office Space on that machine. I’ll still nurse Boy 2.0, though, and likely pump to get a frozen supply for fall…so sadly, no baseball bat to the machine.
You have my sympathy, and I hope you’ll tell us what works and what doesn’t. I’m due in a couple of weeks and PPD is definitely a concern with my history. There’s a million boards out there for PPD-related discussion, but nowhere holds a candle to the Dope, and I’d rather hear it from you.
And I know you know it, and I’m sure people are telling you this, but I want to say it again anyway: “Weak” has nothing to do with it. *Not *dealing with it would be weak. You *are *being strong, as a mother and a person.
I had fairly severe PPD with my third baby. I had mild “baby blues” after the first, and then a slightly worse case after the second, and then with the third it was just full-on crippling depression. For me, it actually started during the pregnancy, right around the second trimester.
I started Zoloft about six weeks after giving birth, and am very glad I did so. It did have a slightly mood-flattening effect, but the positive benefits of allowing me to become a functional human being again were more than worth it. I no longer wanted to hide from my two older children, I no longer wanted to spend all day sitting on the couch staring into space, etc. (Seriously, I was bad.)
After a month of Zoloft, I also started cognitive-behavioral therapy, with the goal of eventually weaning off the meds. I did 10 months of therapy, at the end of which, I weaned off the Zoloft, and have been basically OK ever since. With the side benefit that the techniques I learned in CBT still help me with everyday anxiety. I would actually highly recommend it if you can manage it. For my sessions, I actually brought my baby along with me, and he just chilled out in his baby carrier while my psychologist and I talked.
Childbirth can do a real number on your hormones and body. Don’t beat yourself up about needing some extra help to get through this.
MsWhatsit, I’ve considered the cognitive-behavioral therapy, but right now I don’t think it will be necessary. I hope. I see the psychiatrist in a couple weeks, so I’ll see what they suggest. I think this has just been an unusually, excessively stressful six months, and coupled with the physical changes, it’s proven too much. Again, I’m hoping that once school is out and I can get out in the fresh air and ride my horse again on a regular basis (you follow, St. Germain), I’ll be able to recover.
I’m wondering, too, about my hormones, but that’s another issue. With my first, my mood swings resolved once I went back on the birth control pill. That is now no longer an option as the Pill was causing me to have migraines, and the doc warned the migraines indicated I was at higher risk of having a stroke on the Pill (doh!). With both of my boys, my system kept up the smooth sailing even once going off the birth control pill. So–maybe there’s a lower dose I could take that could reboot my system for a few months.
Congratulations, emmaliminal! I do hope you have as smooth a postpartum ride as possible, but it’s good that you’re aware of the potential. I kept thinking I was just tired, or stressed, or sleep-deprived, because of course I was all of those things…but didn’t realize there was more to it than that. I know, logically, that I’m not weak, but it’s hard to internalize that. Heh, I almost see it like I quit and/or cheated by going on Zoloft, even though, again, I know that isn’t logical.
Well, of course you’re not weak, and of course you’re not doing anything at all wrong by 1) identifying a serious physical problem and 2) dealing with said serious physical problem. Just the opposite, in fact – you’re a tough cookie. Everything’s been piling on you pushing you just beyond your ability to cope, and you’re beefing up your coping ability, so go you!!
Hang in there! It’s only a few short weeks and some of the demands on you will lift. Everything will be just fine in the end and you’ll look back and marvel at how you got through such a difficult time.
Every time I run across this thread I read it as “So, apparently, I have PTSD.” It’s a bit disconcerting, especially as I was ready to contribute and share my own exp- HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?!
I’m glad you did some research into this. I experienced depression upon weaning my kids, so sometimes ‘regulating’ the hormones doesn’t do what it’s meant to.
I hope you get some relief soon, and good for you for recognizing whta’s going on.
Yes, yes! Thank you so much for actually researching this, and not falling prey to the paranoia that surrounds breastfeeding while taking anything at all. There are actually relatively few medications that you *cannot *take while breastfeeding, and even most of them can be taken care of with a few days of pump and dump.
You sound like you’re doing well. Perhaps not feeling well, but doing well. Good on you for taking care of what needs to be done. I hope your summer is less full of stress!
Oh yeah, I continued breastfeeding for the entire time I was on Zoloft. We used to joke that it’s what gave Whatsit the Youngest his sunny disposition. (Er… at least, I hope that’s a joke.)