Please Help (Postpartum Depression/Anxiety)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My little boy was three weeks old last Wednesday, and I have been completely miserable for most of that time. I have horrible anxiety and depression. I can barely function. I also have a little girl who is two years old and the thought of being left alone with the two of them scares me to death.

I have had thoughts of suicide. I feel completely hopeless. I know intellectually that this is all chemical, but emotionally I don’t believe it. I don’t see any way out of this. I feel like I’m going to be in this dark place for months and months, maybe years.

I have taken actions to try and fix this. When I felt these feelings creeping in three or four days after he was born, I immediately called my OB and asked to go back on Lexapro (worked well for me after the birth of my daughter). So I’ve been on that for almost two and a half weeks. No improvement. If anything, things have gotten worse.

Last Monday I confessed how I was feeling to my husband, and he called in the troops (my parents and my sister) and they took the kids so he could take me to the emergency room. They sent me to a mental health facility, who evaluated me and decided I wasn’t a threat to myself or my kids, so they set me up with appointments with a psychiatrist and a therapist.

Met with the psychiatrist yesterday morning and she told me to keep taking the Lexapro and started me on Cymbalta, which is supposed to kick in quicker than most of these medicines…she said I should see some improvement by the end of the week. I was supposed to see the therapist on Monday, but had to postpone to next Friday because my grandfather passed away last night and I have to go to his funeral on Monday. (When it rains it pours, don’t you know…)

I can’t stop crying. My husband is pulling double-duty, taking care of both of the kids while I go to my parents or sister to sleep. Evenings are better–I can come home to put my daughter to bed and take care of my son during the night. Thank god I have a great support system in place, but I feel like I’m doing permanent damage to my kids by handing them over to other people so much, even if it is to close family.

I just feel so worthless and guilty.

Not really looking for medical advice, since I’ve already got that in motion. Just maybe someone can offer some reassurance? Tell me this is going to pass, and soon. Tell me about your experiences with this.

And any advice on how to take care of a demanding two-year-old and an infant at the same time?

Sorry if this is long and rambling and incoherent. That’s how my brain feels at the moment.

2

I don’t have any advice, but I will certainly wish you and your family the very best of thoughts, and I am sure you know how much you are loved and needed by your little ones.

God Bless You—Matthew

3

You are NOT doing permanent damage to your kids. You are getting help for yourself so that you’ll be able to care for them as soon as possible. Meanwhile, they are being loved and they are OK. You are in the position of the parent on the airplane–you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first in order to be useful.

I’m so sorry this is happening, and I hope it passes really really soon.

4

No advice, but I’d like to commend you for reaching out to your family and taking steps to get help. That’s hard and you deserve a lot of credit for doing that.

5

dangermom is right. You’re probably making problem a little bit more worse by not letting your family’s help ease the stress. You’re making it a point of stress. Then again, that’s exactly how anxiety takes a hold of you…everything stresses you out, good or bad.

I have no experience and no words of advice, but I applaud you for being honest with your husband and your family and trying to get the help you need.

Good luck, I know you’ll pull through!

6

Breathe, long and slow deep, deep breaths.

It really is going to be okay. Honest. You are surrounded by people who love and care about you. Your babies will be just fine, for true. If you were having surgery, lying in a hospital bed you’d cut yourself some slack and count yourself lucky your kids had loving relatives to look after them.

Sometimes things come in life that we hate. We know it, but we hate it, we so don’t want it to be. No one wants to be depressed, ever. Including you. But, sometimes, the shite that life flings at you cannot be escaped, as I’m sure you noticed. Our hating it and not wanting it puts us into a kind of denial, we won’t give it an inch, we will fight to our last dying breath. It’s such a natural instinct. But there are times in life when it’s not the right thing.

Sometimes you have to let things wash over you. Stop trying to fight it. You can’t stand up to the tide, remember? If you want to stay on your feet, sometimes in life, the wisdom is in knowing when it’s right to let it come, like a wave of the ocean, and let it wash over you.

And no matter how long it lasts, or wicked it gets, the journey is not shortened by beating yourself up over it. You didn’t cause this and cannot wish it away anymore than you can wish away an infection. Sometimes things have to run their course.

But mostly. Breathe.

And don’t forget, we’re right here if you need to talk. You’re going to be okay, really. Breathe.

7

I, too, applaud your courage to face your fears/depression/anxiety with the people who love you. I’m confident that the drugs and therapy and the help of your family will do the trick.

8

missed the edit window…

ETA: read elbows post^ again and again and again as needed. Good advice there.

9

You’re doing everything you should be doing to fight this. It takes a lot of courage to deal with both anxiety and depression. When I had to deal with it all I could think about was: “when walking through hell, keep walking.” You’ll get out eventually.

You’re actually very lucky because you have a husband who loves you and cares about you. You have a family that loves you and is will help you through this. Remember that.

10

Slight hijack: Why does Postpartum happen? Seems like it’s not evolutionarily handy

11

Please believe that you’re not doing any damage to your children by seeking help when you need it. I don’t have any advice except do get a lot of sleep, and eat as healthily as you can- an unstable blood sugar will only make things worse. Please check in with us and let us know how it’s going. We’ll be thinking of you and somebody’s always here.

12

I realize that you aren’t asking for medical advice, but just remember that if you do feel that you’re situation has changed and you are at a significant risk of harming yourself or your children, there’s no shame in availing yourself to your psychiatrist’s emergency contact number or those emergency mental health resources you’ve already wisely explored in the past again.

Good luck; you’ve worked hard to take care of yourself and your children and things are virtually certain to improve with time.

13

When I had a depressive episode in 1999, the kids were four and ten. My son knew that mommy wasn’t feeling well, but most of what was going on went right over his head. My daughter knew that mom felt sad and needed to take some medicine, but she was secure in the knowledge that dad, grandma and grandpa, and my sister were there to help. I stayed at my parents’ house for about ten days and my husband and kids visited at night. I was put on Lexapro too, but it seemed to be too mild and didn’t do much to take the edge off. Paxil was much more effective.

Trust me, your kids are too little to have any idea what is going on or to be damaged by this. Mine were older and they were just fine. That’s just your anxiety messing with you. I wish you a good recovery, and that you get some relief soon.

14

Keep this in mind every minute of every day - this isn’t going to last forever. I am a co-leader of an anxiety support group, and people with anxiety do get better. You’re not worthless; you have nothing to feel guilty about. You just had a major, MAJOR change happen to your body, and you’re all reboundy now.

Keep taking your meds, keep talking to your husband and family and therapist, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. When you feel great it doesn’t last forever, so why would feeling lousy? This is a great article on the subject - she does a great job describing the climb back out of anxiety and depression.

15

You’ve taken the right steps in recognizing the problem and asking for help.

Accept that help and give yourself time to get better. Your husband, your mom and sister, and your two kids all love you very, very much. They ALL want you to stay alive.

When you are in the depths of the darkness, it does feel like it will never end. But, having been where you are (your words remind me of how I felt after my second child), I add my voice to the others and say: Hang in there, don’t give up.

16

What you are experiencing sounds horribly, PeskiPiksi, but try to remember it’s a problem and not a character flaw. Something isn’t right, but it’s not because you’re a bad person. So if things don’t improve right away or if something else seems wrong, don’t hesitate to ask anyone for help. We’re wishing you all the best.

17

I don’t have any advice, but I wanted to say it sounds like you are handling this very difficult situation perfectly. I wish all the best to you and your family, and, having read a fair amount about this scary and horrible condition, I do believe it will pass for you. Take care of yourself.

18

The feelings that you’re having are the depression talking, and accordingly they’re badly distorted. Keep faith in the meds; even if what you’re on isn’t the right one, they can switch you to others.

19

Hey. HEY! MISTER GOD! You said no more deluges! shakes fist at Heaven Stop drenching the poor woman!

The way my mother handled it involved a lot of handing the two-year-old and the cooking to me and the baby to the new “cleaning girl”, while splitting the cleaning between the three of us (the girl was very young, and more of a babysitter for Lilbro and a lady-in-waiting for Mom than a cleaner). You don’t have an 8yo daughter, but you do have relatives who love you, who are glad that they’re nearby because that means they can help, and who shouldn’t do too-lousy a job, since you came out all right. Now take deep breaths, cry as much as you need to, use body milk after blowing your nose so your upper lip doesn’t crack up, and wait for the sun to come back: we promise it will.

20

YogSosoth, evolutionary steps do not happen as “some Designer Inna Sky comes up with a new nifty feature and implements it,” Nature isn’t a computer program. It’s more like “a new feature happens; if it turns out to be highly beneficial, it stays; if it’s very bad, it goes; if neither, it may stay or go depending on other factors.” Postpartum depression doesn’t keep people from breeding, so as far as Nature cares, it’s “not bad.” That’s why they call her Mother Nature: what she wants is babies.