Not sure what my problem is.

In My Humble Opinion
1

What is right way to deal with (what seems to be) depression when it’s situational?

In order to avoid rambling I’m going to skip over the details, but I have some issues in my life right now that have been causing me an extreme amount of stress…it’s to the point where it seems to be ruining my health. I’m 23 and I feel this impending doom, like at any moment I’m just going to give out under the pressure and it’ll all come down and crush me.

I’m not very close with anyone, and I don’t talk to anyone about this (which is why I’m here posting this on an online message board…awkward). But I’m hardly getting by. I’m having a hard time taking care of myself or getting motivated to do anything at all… even the smallest and simplest things. From time to time I force myself to start cleaning and working out and getting a little bit of control over my life, and I start feeling better…but it’s always shortlived.

I’ve also been having anxiety problems which I never had until about a year ago. My doctor prescribed me xanax (I don’t like it) but it’s getting worse; chest pains, feeling breathless all the time, heart palpitations, etc. I used to be at a comfortable weight but I’m now way underweight. A few people have hinted that I have an eating disorder but I don’t, although my appetite has definitely decreased… sometimes I have a hard time getting food down. The last thing I want to do is lose any more weight.

I hate to sound so whiny… but I need some advice from someone, somehow. I don’t know how to go on this way. I guess my question is, should I go ask my doctor for an antidepressant or something even when I think my mental state has more to do with my crappy circumstances than my brain chemistry? Unfortunately the problems I’m dealing with aren’t going to be solved overnight…so I need to find a way to deal with them rather than letting them consume my life, as they have been.

Thanks for reading.

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Reported for forum change. (Probably to IMHO)

J.

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Thanks

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First of all you don’t sound whiny, that would be a very unkind reading of your post. You did post it in the wrong forum, but I will report your post to get it put in the right forum.

IANAD (I am not a doctor), but it sounds like a lot of what you’re experiencing is symptomatic of depression (e.g. an impending sense of doom). Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand.

One thing I will say is that the only way to get motivation for doing things is by actually doing them. The more you do something the easy it becomes to do, though this may be a gradual process over time. Also remember though, that whilst doing is important, you should not be too hard on yourself as that is not constructive; being constructive with your self-criticism is always good advice.

If your depression is situational (which IMO untrained opinion most depression is, it’s just sometimes we can’t always recognize the situation), it is important to find ways to deal with the situation. However it’s not always that easy, so it’s also about finding ways of coping with the situation. Antidepressants are bit like a crutch, a crutch won’t cure a leg injury, but it will help immensely coping with the injury and will also help the healing process. Similarly antidepressants are not an outright cure for depression in my experience, but they can be very useful for coping with depression at times and just giving you that bit of room to make improvements.

Like I say IANAD, but I hope this useful advice and I do sympathize with your situation.

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IANAMental health professional, but it sounds like textbook depression to me.

You’ve described your issues as “situational,” implying that you believe if your situation were to change, your mental state would improve. I don’t want to pry, but without any details, and I’m not asking you to share, my only advice, to state the obvious, given the above, is to change your situation.

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First off you are NOT being whiny. Depression, situational or not, is an extremely realistic concern and from what you have described it may very well be an issue. I think you should definitely have a conversation with your doctor about it. He is likely far more qualified to either prescribe something or refer you to someone who can prescribe something appropriate. If your circumstances improve later there is no reason you can’t stop taking antidepressants if you feel you don’t need them. Depression is a serious issue and you should not belittle your concerns or your health. You deserve to be happy and healthy and it’s your doctor’s job to help you get there. I hope you feel better soon, hang in there!

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Sounds like anxiety is the problem here. The depression is just a symptom. And a natural one, it’s depressing to have anxiety prevent you from doing things.

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Not eating enough on a regular basis is going to have markedly deleterious effects on your mood. Amotivation, crying jags, irritability, fatigue… sound familiar? If your appetite has decreased to the point where you find it difficult to choke down food (a classic sign of clinical depression, by the way) and your weight has dropped to well below what you’re usually at, this is almost certainly a complicating factor. I’d advise you to make a deliberate effort to force down at least 1500 calories worth of food throughout the day. It might not solve your problem, but it will make it much easier for you to gather up the drive to figure out what will.

Also, you should definitely bring this up with a doctor.

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The other option to consider for dealing with anxiety and depression is therapy. It sounds like you have tried medication as a solution, and are considering trying additional medication, but have not considered therapy as a treatment (whether or not you use medication as well). The fact that you say “I’m not very close with anyone, and I don’t talk to anyone about this” indicates to me that you may need the kind of outlet that therapy can provide to organize and assess your thoughts. Check with your doctor and/or insurance plan to see what kind of therapy can be provided. You don’t necessarily need a psychiatrist – a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker can be very helpful in dealing with these issues through therapy.

As I’ve mentioned before on this board, I have had great success dealing with anxiety (as well as handling crappy life circumstances and massive stress) through therapy.

One more thing: While it’s important to take control of your own health, it sounds like you are trying to diagnose yourself. That is not really your job, and you don’t have all of the necessary tools to make a fair assessment. Get yourself to the appropriate professionals (doctor and possibly therapist), and they can listen to you, help you to figure out what is going on, and determine the best course of treatment.

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The answer is, and believe me when I say I am not being trite, is to learn to go with the flow. If you don’t learn to go up when the water goes up and down when the water goes down, you will have a lifetime of misery. I’m not going to give all the gory identifying details of a situation and resulting lawsuit I have been in (for years), but it could consume my every waking moment if I let it. I could be curled up in a corner and no one would blame me, but that’s not how I want to live my life. What happened was like an infection, and I’m keeping it contained. It’s not going to ruin everything. I’m not going to let it. I can’t undo the initial damage, but I can keep it from spreading while it heals and while I deal with the fallout.

You have to learn how to push your problems into the background like white noise and leave them in a holding pattern when you have done what you need to do and are waiting for the rest to fall into place. I’m not talking about avoidance, but letting go like when you are waiting for the floor to dry after you have washed it. You did what you needed to do, and you go do something else and don’t think about it. You don’t stand there and stare at it, worrying about it. The second your mind starts being flooded with thoughts, slam the door shut and let the thoughts drain out. Get a productive hobby that requires intense concentration. I’m sure you have had the experience of being so engrossed in an activity that you didn’t notice what was going on around you. You can apply that to blocking out unwanted thoughts, but don’t use an escapist activity like gaming. Try an activity that will improve your mental and physical health and well-being. Possibly become a volunteer and concentrate on others. When you need to deal with your situation, step up and deal with it.

Get the proper perspective on your problem and don’t let it create more problems for you. It’s going to be there for a while. Don’t let it snowball. You have a problem. Don’t let it turn into a problem and a 42" waist, a house fit for a hoarder, alcoholism, a bad boyfriend, etc. Keeping yourself in the best physical, emotional and mental shape you can possibly be in should be a top priority.

There is almost always going to be something wrong in your life, just a matter of what degree. You can’t let it control your thoughts or mood. You have to keep a clear head in order to see your reality and deal with it. Don’t ever forget that.

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You need to talk to someone and tell them the details. NOW. You need to do this for the following reasons:

  1. Your depression, stress, anxiety, and possible eating disorder are all symptoms. The Xanax might stop some anxiety, but it won’t make your problems go away. Fifteen minutes with a psychiatrist won’t solve them either.

  2. You can’t deal with your problems on your own. I know this because if you could you already would have. If you still think you can, ask yourself how many mental and physical health issues would it take to convince you otherwise.

  3. Your problems might not be circumstantial. In other words, your problem is that you can’t deal with stress, not that you have too much stress. Xanax is a decent short term solution for the symptoms, but unless you deal with what’s causing the anxiety you’ll never get better. (I know some people have crippling anxiety without any causes, but the OP said his problems were caused by new sources of stress).

Take a moment. Think about this. Think about the best person to go to for help. If your problems are too humiliating (e.g. I’m not smart enough for grad school), then consider going to someone confidential, like a therapist.

You can also post the details here. Sometimes, our advice is not completely useless.

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You have depression and anxiety. Obviously your issues are outside of the scope of what a GP could offer you. I strongly recommend both a psychiatrist and CBT therapy - it sounds like behavioral therapy in general would really help you. Please do not rely on your general practitioner to help you through this. Go to someone who is trained in handling mental health disorders.

I also recommend this book, Overcoming Depression One Step at a Time, a behavioral activation workbook that helped me tremendously. They’ve done randomized controlled trials using this book and found the book even on its own is about as effective as therapeutic intervention from a trained psychologist. I think it’s great for all kinds of depression, situational or not.

One of the reasons you are feeling so miserable is that you aren’t talking to anyone about your problems. I can’t stress enough how important social support is for mental health. And one thing I found when I started to reach out is that these issues don’t seem quite so huge when you talk to someone about them. You think it’s the end of the world until you hear it coming out of your mouth, and your friend is understanding, and you realize, ''Hey, everybody goes through stuff like this from time to time." You probably think you’re hiding your condition well but trust me, your friends know, and they are probably worried about you.

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Didn’t the OP say he wasn’t close to anyone? I’m assuming he doesn’t have a friend available to talk to.

I would add to this advice and warn against reaching out to any friends or colleagues at work. Some places just don’t have any tolerance for mental health issues.

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Not a doctor or mental health professional, not official advice, etc.

OP, I am sorry for what you are going through. Some of your symptoms (heart racing, trouble breathing) sound like panic attacks, and I know when I have them I have a very hard time eating anything. Practically speaking, if you have a hard time eating solids, see if you can drink a nutritional shake like Ensure. At least it will give you a little energy and nutrients. I can’t say they taste great but they help.

Also I too encourage you to see a counselor – it is scary hearing a diagnosis but a relief too – you don’t have to churn in your own head wondering what’s wrong as panic compounds the cycle of negative thoughts. You are not alone and there are many ways to help you. I don’t want to pry either but can you say if you have health coverage at all?

“Not sure what my problem is” described me when I first went in for help. I had these attacks now and then over the years and finally hit a situation where they wouldn’t stop. I go in and describe the symptoms (heart feeling like it will burst, my vision going weird, can’t sleep, can’t eat) and he immediately says it sounds like a panic attack. (This was before the Internet and diagnosing yourself :slight_smile: and my family never discussed emotional issues, but of course my mom had attacks for years too and didn’t talk about it.) As I said, it was freaky that there was something “wrong” with me, but now I knew there were ways to address it. They gave me Ativan to get some sleep and come back able to do talk therapy. I am on low-dose antidepressants and they help me handle things that used to set me off.

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Yo. Seconding olivesmarch4th’s social support recommendations. I isolated myself throughout my college years as a result of depression, for a few reasons: shame, anxiety, and a desire to prove I was “better” than my illness (I don’t need anybody to beat this stupid shit!). Yeah, no. The isolation turned my severe depression into crippling depression. It started to get a little better once I confessed how shittily I was doing to my mom. Then my sister. Then I made a couple of good friends. I eventually got “better enough” to start taking care of myself, which enabled me to get into a healthy romantic relationship, which helped me even more. And here I am, not at 100%, but… maybe 85? Which is a *lot *better than <10.

So, people are important. If you don’t have family you can turn to, you need to work on making friends (which I know ALL about sucking at). A good way to start making friends is going to common-interest meetups. Take up a new hobby like crochet and go to a stitch-and-bitch in your area. Stuff like that. If you can’t bring yourself to do so, hie thee to therapy. Stat!

Anyway, this is just my advice since (given your limited information) I think I’ve been where you are. I managed to make it onto an upward trajectory, and I couldn’t have done it alone. There were plenty of days I couldn’t give a single shit whether I lived or died. Having someone else to live for really helps. <3

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phantomlimb if your insurance company is like most people’s, you have to see your Primary Care Physician first in order to get a referal to see someone else. Make a “soonest available” appt. with your doc and be up front about what’s going on (even with the receptionist if that’s who’s doing the “need” screening.) If necessary, be insistent with the doc about getting checked out by a mental health provider.

In the mean time, give yourself some pampering; burrow under the covers with a good book or a Walking Dead marathon. Turn out the lights or turn on the music. I wouldn’t worry too much right now about working on your as yet undiagnosed problem.

If you stick around on the Board—and I hope you do—you’ve already seen that many of us deal with mental health issues and talk about it from time to time; you won’t be alone.

Peruse the Board and maybe you’ll find an interesting diverting thread in the meantime. Do you like The Big Bang Theory? Profane ranting? Icky squiggly things that need to be indentified?

Welcome.

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Since you know your problems aren’t going to be resolved overnight, you are much better off going to a psychotherapist first (doesn’t have to be a psychologist) than to a GP or a psychiatrist. You need someone to air your worries and concerns to, someone who will give you some meat-and-potatoes advice. Even if you do take meds, having someone to talk to on a regular basis really helps. Medication is a process all to itself, with all the trial and error, side effects, and worries. So my advice is to find a professional you can see fairly frequently–someone who can refer you to a good psychiatrist and who will continue working with you until you get stabilized, at the very least.

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Hi. Interesting username. Phantom limb syndrome is associated with recent amputees who for sometime, still feel the presence of the amputated limb. I would know because I am one. Right leg above knee.

Are you an amputee? If so, I might be able to give you some insight. If not, I would second the advice given above.

I am not a doc.

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First off, thank you all for taking the time to respond… I didn’t expect so many responses and I really appreciate it.

I’m trying to change my situation… quite desperately. I’m a single mom of a 1 1/2 year old girl, and I support her and take care of her 100% of the time. I’m also a full-time college student. I finally left the relationship I had with her father, who is believed to have narcissistic personality disorder, and it was very toxic. Even after I left, he continued to control my life and using our daughter as the means… through guilt. It has been very, very hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my little girl isn’t going to have the father she deserves. He’s gotten worse over time, and in the past few months he’s gotten abusive. He’s so vengeful that it scared the hell out of me to try and get away from him (because, for example, he’d threaten to hunt me down and kidnap my daughter), but I’m finally going through with it…because I felt like I was mentally and physically deteriorating from the stress of it all. I have a restraining order in place, and a trial coming up (for which I’m scared sh**less). Right now, things are more stressful and scary than they were before I decided to make a change. I keep reminding myself it’ll (hopefully) get better once all the court stuff passes…

The only people I consider family are my mom and my little brother. My brother just turned 19 and a few years ago I considered him my best friend. He’s recently gotten into meth and heroin, and is suicidal. He just got out of the hospital after an overdose and went straight to get more of the crap, and he’s refusing to go to rehab. Shortly after I found out my brother was on heroin, I found out my mom had been doing it with him. I don’t really know what to say about it, as I don’t think I’ve processed the whole thing myself and it’s really hard for me to think about it at all…

The times I’ve talked to my friends about these things, it was so very awkward. A friend of mine since childhood is suddenly seemingly avoiding me, after our last conversation where she clearly had no idea what to say in response to all my bad news. Now I feel like I don’t want to talk to people about it, because it seems to only make them uncomfortable and I don’t want to scare anyone else out of my life.

I’m in a scary financial situation and I’m not sure where I’ll be living once my lease is up. I don’t really have help with my daughter, and I can’t take her around my family anymore because of the junk they’re into.

I pour all the energy I can muster into caring for my little girl, and the little scraps that are left are keeping me afloat in my classes. I’d love to see a therapist or psychiatrist… anything really. But I don’t have insurance that covers it, and all the options I’ve found are terribly expensive. But I need to figure something out somehow, because my little one deserves a happy home, and this definitely isn’t it :frowning:

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No, Phantom Limb is actually just the name of a song I like. I was having trouble coming up with a user name, lol.