Yet many folks think evolution is a crock, the moon landings never happened, elvis and hitler run a bed and breakfast in brazil, bigfoot is still stealing the local chickens…blah blah blah
People are perfectly willing to be irrational and ill informed about ALL kinds of things. It doesnt REQUIRE bigotry to fuel it.
Only if we got to know the OP’s friend, or if the OP chimes in here more can we IMO get a better feel for whether she is a bigot, a germa/homo phobe, or just way behind the times info wise.
If I had to BET, she probably IS a bigot, but I aint gonna assume it on a sentence or two…because, you know assuming the worse on limited but statistically valid info is kind of bigoty
Concluding that a person is a bigot based on her uttering a sentence uttering outrageously bigoted statements is neither bigotry itself nor unreasonable.
If a white person calls me a filthy nigger, I’m quite safe in concluding that he’s not a mensch.
That’s a completely different kind of “fondue party.”
Unfortunately (not for myself or for Skald, but for society), I have to agree with this. I am just not convinced that there’s any possible way for a person in this day and age to remain completely ignorant of how HIV is transmitted.
It’s true that we’re all making sweeping generalizations (on the DOPE? NEVER!) about someone based on one incident, but there are aspects to this incident that support such generalizations. People who remain convinced that gay = AIDS do so because of willful bigotry.
Scene: interior of a high school. Enter JIMMY, who walks down the hall between the lockers on his way to the water bubbler (drinking fountain, for all you non-new englanders). As he walks, kids around him point and whisper.
BOY A: I heard that’s the kid with AIDS.
BOY B: Don’t go near him, you’ll get it.
GIRL A: Ew, why is he even still allowed at school?
JIMMY goes and takes a drink of water from the bubbler. He is approached by JOHN the basketball player.
JOHN: I saw you just take a drink of water. Now no one else can use that fountain. You’re disgusting. I’d punch you if I could bring myself to touch you.
Windows crash in behind them, and SNAKE EYES and SGT SLAUGHTER swing in on rope.
BG KIDS: GI Joe!
SGT: I heard what you said John, but there’s really nothing to worry about. You only need to be concerned with blood to blood contact with Jimmy, like on the basketball court.
SNAKE EYES looks menacing
JOHN: Wow, I had no idea I was so wrong, but now I know.
SGT: And knowing is half the battle. GO JO-
SNAKE EYES taps SGT SLAUGHTER on the shoulder and hands him a note.
SGT: Yes, Snake Eyes, another important aspect of any battle is ninja training and the ability to decapitate someone before he sees you.
SNAKE EYES hands SLAUGHTER another note.
SGT: Well, I don’t know if I’d call it the ENTIRE other half of the battle. I mean, none of the rest of the boys have ninja training, and we do pretty well.
SNAKE EYES looks sad
SGT: (quickly) But you’re certainly a valued member of our team. (SNAKE EYES still looks sad.) Do you want to say the closing line? (SNAKE EYES shakes his head no.) Well, ok, but I’ll make you a hot cup of cocoa when we get back to base, ok? (SNAKE EYES nods happily)
Well kids, now you know (KIDS put their Game Boys on pause). And knowing is half the battle. GI JOE!!! (aside) I should really bring that boom box to play our theme song, otherwise I’m just shouting randomly, aren’t I? (SNAKE EYES and SLAUGHTER start to climb back out the window) I mean, I’ve told Master Command I don’t know how many damn times that when we do these PSAs that it’s crucial to have the right equipment. Maybe we can pull some budget money from a laser sight for Snake Eyes, the guy’s a freaking ninja, what does he need one of those for, but does it change anything, nooooo…
(fade out)
Clearly your friend never watched Saturday morning cartoons.
A lot of time and money has been spent trying to educate people on the causes and risks of HIV/AIDS. This person is choosing to live in a bubble of ignorance that’s harmful and hurtful. A group of my friends were discussing their rental apartments. One said - wait until you get tenants with fleas - yuk. Another said - oh, what if they’ve got HIV. My advice? Always wear a condom when fucking your tenants. Clang the penny dropped. Oh, she says, I’m not suggesting … Aha - well what were you suggesting - that you’re a total ignoramus - or what? What a bloody ignorant statement that was. She knows damn well HIV isn’t transmitted through renting a room.
Gay + fondue = AIDS for dessert? I think this would have made the papers by now dear.
Uh, never said the two were the same thing.
One could also be an intelligent person, but also a bigot.
Or one could be ignorant, but not a bigot.
In this case, I think that person is an ignorant bigot.
Doesn’t matter. Annie asked if she did something wrong. Asking to bring along an uninvited person to the hostess’s party was a breach of etiquette. If she had not, she would not be in the position she now finds herself. Just my small effort to fight the ignorance.
sandra, I have to disagree. It would have been a breach of etiquette to bring the friend without asking. But in today’s more informal settings, asking if it is okay should be sufficient. It is certainly not Annie’s fault if her friend doesn’t have the ovaries to live with her own decision.
And thumbs down on that hostess for calling a guest to criticize her conduct! That’s the real breach in etiquette! A hostess who is that fearful has no business serving fondue food in the first place.
Annie, you didn’t do anything wrong in my book. I hope you mend things with her, throw her a birthday party and invite only the most gracious gay people.
I’m the one who said it was a breach of etiquette. Which it was, yes, even in “today’s more informal settings.” You can disagree all you want, but that doesn’t change the rules of etiquette.
I agree bringing an uninvited person is rude, but *asking *to bring an uninvited person is also rude. Is one more rude that the other? Does it matter? The situation could have been avoided, is my point, which is why rules of etiquette exist.
**Annie **could/would have discovered her friend is an ignorant anti-gay bigot another way, and would not be questioning herself here on the boards. And, yes, the hostess was WAY rude to call and berate **Annie **after the party. Of course, no question. But that wasn’t Annie’s question in the OP, which is what I was addressing.
On a related note, if the hostess was such a germophobe, she would not have had a fondue party in the first place.
You say this like it’s a universal truth, like “rules of etiquette” cover all social situations. You have no idea of Annie’s relationship to her friend (ok, you have some idea because Annie didn’t know she was ignorant and possibly bigoted), and she might be the kind of friend to whom it’s no problem to ask about bringing a guest. Those kinds of friends do exist.
I finally talked to gay friend. He’s been having a romantic V-day weekend with his partner of 28 years. It seems he ran into hostess and thanked her again for letting him come to the party and have a good time. She suggested getting together again, he mentioned having a partner. She said “Oh, I’d like to meet her,” he said “You mean him” and she said “OH” and just walked away without another word.
I’ve know her for over five years and never knew she had such a thing against gay people. People will always surprise you.
Oh, and just to be a dissident… I agree that it’s in bad form to ask to have someone else invited to a party I’m invited to, particularly at the last minute. If I were invited somewhere and was going to have a friend in from out of town I might say, “Oh, I’d love to come but my friend from Philly will be here visiting me that weekend” and leave the opening. If they didn’t take it, I’d decline.
That said, your transgression is completely forgotten and forgiven by me in the light of your friend’s asshatedness!
I’d look out for ninja attacks if I were you. (Not that it would do any good.) Snake-Eyes does not look sad. He has four possible looks:
[ol]
[li]Menacing.[/li][li]More menacing than normal.[/li][li]Even more menacing than more more menacing than normal.[/li][li]Seriously, did you just make a pass at Scarlet in FRONT of Snake-Eyes? You are so doomed. They only reason you’re not already dead is that he hasn’t decided whether he should chop you rhead off later, when all your friends are round to be properly terrified, or shoud use a roundhouse kick and risk people realizing that he’s actully Chuck Norris.[/li][/ol]
If “catching” HIV from a fondue pot was even the remotest of possibility, you’d think the FDA or the local Department(s) of Health would ban restaurants from serving it and order the immediate closure of places whose entire theme is fondue, like The Melting Pot. What a stupid idiot. Glad she’s an ex-friend.
Perhaps you do owe your friend an apology. The gay one.
“I’m sorry, had I known that my friend was such an asshat, I wouldn’t have gone myself, much less exposed you to her homophobia.”
(Yeah, technically, invitations are for you alone and you shouldn’t be saying ‘can I bring Jim’ - and now you know why. But that is a minor thing - once your friend said yes, she certainly shouldn’t have told you she had regrets because of his sexuality!)
In the last half hour, I read a really chilling Zombie Apocalypse story in which the infection was spread through prions. I was going to side with Annie-X & everyone else… but now, thanks a lot!
Annie-X, as far as AIDS, I think your ex-friend is full of crap & you are totally in the right, but if you just brought the Zombie Apocalypse down on us, I reserve the right to retract this.
