So this week I finally admitted to myself and to those closest to me something that I’ve known for some time, something that I was afraid to admit for fear of how I would be accepted. I’ve tried to deny my true feelings for years, but when it came down to it, I decided that I’d rather admit who I am and deal with peoples reactions than live a lie. So I gathered those closest to me and gave them all the news;
I like Coldplay.
Wow.
It’s just so refreshing to say it out loud; I like Coldplay.
I like Coldplay! It’s such a weight off my shoulders. For years I tried to shake my feelings about them, feeling to myself that there must be something wrong with me for liking them. Socially, it became more and more acceptable to like Coldplay, with thousands of people gathering for concerts and appearances. Hopefully I’ll be at the next Coldplay rally, to make up for lost time.
My family and friends all reacted in different ways. I told my parents first; my mum didn’t seem to mind, although I’m not sure she fully understands what it means to like Coldplay. My Dad was more taken aback; he always loved good music, really a huge fan of the Beatles, the Kinks and the Who… I guess he always hoped his son would follow his interests, so it must have hurt him to learn I liked Coldplay. He asked me this;
“Do You Buy their music?”
I said yes.
“Do you buy it, or illegally download it?”
I said I bought CD’s, in a shop.
“That’s ok… Look, you’re my son, and I love you. I don’t mind what music you listen to; as long as you do it safely. I don’t want you to pick up a virus on your computer”.
I told my sister; she thought it was HILARIOUS.
“OMG! That’s SO wild! Wow, I know some Coldplay fans where I work; I’ll introduce you to them!”
I said hey, don’t do that. Don’t assume that just because I like Coldplay, and they like Coldplay, that we’re gonna immediately click. I’m not looking to meet other Coldplay fans right now.
Still, she kinda has too many Coldplay stereotypes in her head. We’ll be walking down the street; she’ll be pointing at people;
“Does she like Coldplay? Does he like Coldplay?”
I say, look; I can’t tell just by looking at them. That’s a myth; there is no such thing as Coldplaydar.
Its things like that that piss me off; peoples misconceptions about Coldplay fans. People just automatically think of the flaming Coldplay fan, the real in-your-face, annoying guy with an equals sign drawn on his hand in marker, who sings Trouble at karaoke. Look, most Coldplay fans hate that guy too; he does not represent us. Nor do we care much for teenagers who get drunk and pretend to like Coldplay to get a reaction from their friends, or to shock their parents. Find some other way to attract attention, children.
Now, my friends in the city had no problems with me liking Coldplay, but where I come from it was a different matter. I come from a rural little town, set in its rural little ways, populated by lots of small-minded Bon Jovi fans. Just the other week, a fellow Coldplay fan was attacked outside a nightclub by a Bryan Adams groupie; of course “no-one seen it happen”. It’s probably because the town is mainly roman catholic, and they cling onto the fact that the bible says it’s wrong to like Coldplay (even though they base that on one very, very tenuous connection, one throwaway sentence about the devil in the form of a Serpent, ruining mankind with an apple).
So, I told my friends I liked Coldplay.
One friend, she said;
“You know what? I knew!”
I said you did not know!
………….So, how did you know?
“Well, when I was round your house, I found a stash of magazines; Q, NME, Rolling Stone, all with Coldplay features and interviews. Plus, you’ve got tape on your fingers”.
Another friend, he didn’t take to it too lightly.
“Oh, you like Coldplay? Since when. You and me, we went to loads of gigs. We went to see good bands, like Arcade Fire, or MGMT, or Interpol. You said you liked those bands, man! Was that all lies? Suddenly, you like Coldplay? Look, I know the record industry is going through a bit of a slump. And I know you never really got over the break-up of Soundgarden. But things will pick up! You’ll find a good band! I’ll tell you what we’ll do; we’ll go out this weekend, go to a festival, there’ll be lots of great bands there. we’ll get you a good band to listen to, and you’ll forget all about this Coldplay nonsense”.
I told him its just not like that; I can’t help what I like, and I like Coldplay. I told him lots of people like Coldplay these days; lots of celebrities are Coldplay fans, although most don’t admit it in case it affects their career.
So, he accepted it, but he didn’t really welcome the fact. Me and him are really great friends, so I guess he’s worried that people will think that he likes Coldplay too. People are strange like that. They’re curious about you, but when you talk to them, they don’t want to know. Sometimes, they’ll timidly ask;
“So what is it you like about Coldplay?”
I’ll say well, I think the lyrics are good, I think Chris Martin is a good singer…
“Ok, Jesus, forget I asked man, fuck!”
Still, nothing was as tough as telling a good friend of mine; because he really, really hates Coldplay. For years, he’d be driving along and if Coldplay would come on the radio, he’d be all
“Fuck Coldplay! They suck, man. They’re the poor man’s U2, and that Chris Martin is a stuck up whinging cunt”
And if I was with him, I’d sheepishly agree, even though it broke my heart to hear Coldplay described as such. In fact, this guy hated Coldplay so much, and was so vocal about it, I started to wonder if maybe deep down, he too was a Coldplay fan, but was confused and didn’t know how to handle his feelings, so they manifested as anger. I told him I liked Coldplay. He didn’t take it well.
“Fuck, man, what the fuck? You hate Coldplay! We laughed at Coldplay, together! What the fuck? Is this whole fuckin country turning into Coldplay fans? And here; I hope you don’t have any funny ideas about me, man. I hope you don’t think we’re gonna listen to Coldplay from now on!”
I said Jesus, man, what the fuck. I said I liked Coldplay, not that I’m a rapist. What am I gonna do, lock the doors and throw on Parachutes?
He said;
“What else, man? Who else do you like? Keane? Snow Patrol? Wait… you probably like James Blunt!”
And I just slapped his face.
I said look, whether you like it or not, you have to admit it took guts for me to tell everyone I like Coldplay. I know I was opening myself up for a lot of flack, I knew I’d be called lots of things; arty wanker, student, guy with no taste in music… but don’t EVER assume that because I like Coldplay, that I like James Blunt too. People who like James Blunt are the SCUM OF THE EARTH.
