So I can't wish death on people, ok....what about animals?

Because a dog belonging to someone nearby has been barking NON FUCKING STOP for half an hour now. I have now idea what it’s fucking beef is, but it is by far the most annoying animal I have ever encountered. ANYTHING will set this dog off: a closed car door, a garage door opening or closing, a wet fart, anything. It’s so fucking annoying my roommate and I have been considering the possibility of making sure this dog fills some random shoebox in the middle of the Las Vegas desert.

I can handle dogs, I love them. Even dogs that bark randomly and rarely don’t bother me. But a dog that barks at the drop of a pin at any time of day (6am barking sessions are not fun), every day, really fucking gets under my skin.

So…is it okay to wish a quick, merciful, D-CON end to man’s best friend? If not I’ll cool down and settle for wishing on this animal a severe rectal itch. And anyone else have stories of animals not belonging to you that undoubtedly needed a punch to the nuts, similar to what the Hulk did to one of the mutant pooches.

You are an annoying animal, I hope you catch a nasty doggie bug and shit liquid Gravy Train for a week. grrrr. :mad:


Nope, you cannot wish death on animals, go to directly to jail. Try going over and asking the owner to pay attention to the poor thing! And, what’s more - picture a robber coming to take everything out of your house. Would you prefer the dog keep quiet?

Oh, don’t do that. An itchy arse will prolly make it bark even more.

We’ve got a dog next door and one across the road who go absolutely fucking berserk at the slightest provocation. And the one next door howls and whines and scratches the back door continuously when it’s owners go out…generally when I am going to bed (my window overlooks their yard). And then he sets-off the one across the street as well. I’ve wanted to put my boots into both of them on occasion. Fucking yappy dogs.

However, I fixed a lot of the problem with the DND by just squirting my hose on him and yelling at him in a very stern voice when he gets going. Now, all I have to do is growl, “Luckeeeeey”, and he associates my voice with getting a good dousing of water.

Yeah, his name is Lucky. He’s fucking lucky alright…that I’ve come up with a creative solution for his barking. I don’t think others would have had the patience.


Ah, but Blonde, the dog may as well keep quiet because no one pays any mind to it now.

Sans, you may wish on it kidnapping by alien fundamentalist dyslexics who will worship and care for it in a galaxy far, far away.

I suggest doggie biscuits to win the pooch over. Ah, hell, guys – I love animals, I guess I don’t have much else to add.

This is not a guard dog Blonde, bravely propecting its territories against the onslaught of evil pervading the shadows of a quiet gated community, it’s a yapping dog that won’t STFU. Like I said, it barks at all hours over anything. And finding the owner of this dog could be a bit difficult because there are about 6 houses in the immediate vicinity where this dog could be. I’ve never seen it, I’ve only heard it.

Alas, it has been quiet for some time now and I am now content. I no longer wish any kind of demise on this animal…for now…only for now.

Make it so


Track the animal down by following the sound, and call the cops. If the owners persist on allowing their dog to cause a public disturbance, they will eventually remove the dog to place it for adoption, barring any temperment or health issues.

I’m trying really hard to be sympathetic to you, because I honestly DO know what it’s like to live near a dog like that, and it IS annoying as hell, but wishing death or pain upon an animal for doing nothing more than being a neglected animal really fucking pisses me off.

Dogs bark for various reasons. When they bark persistently for what appears to be no reason at all, it is generally because of boredom. No one pays attention to it, it has no toys to play with, and is generally ignored or left alone for long periods of time. This is also why dogs can become destructive when left alone alot.

How you could possibly blame this on the dog is beyond me.

There’s no such thing as a bad dog, only bad owners.

Duct tape its muzzle shut.

Um…yes. A dog that barks all the time is exactly the same as a car alarm that’s always on. No information is provided in either case.

By your logic, you should just keep your clock-radio on all the time so that you know when to get up.

:smiley: Excellent!

Take one small sponge, soak with bacon grease, compress into shot glass, let harden, toss over fence…

I hope you only think that is a cute joke. It’s not funny, however.

If it’s a serious suggestion, you are an offspring of a female canine of the worst sort - not worthy to be hit on the head by a 2x4 clue plank, since the wood is smarter than you are and the idiocy might be contageous.

Do us all a favor, stay the hell out of even the most shallow end of the gene pool. Masturbation is your friend.

I guarantee you that wishing death on this dog won’t solve your problem. Dog owners who let their animals go like this don’t just disappear when the dog does. They simply get a new dog and ruin that one as well.

I would definitely contact the police. I’m not sure how it is there but here in Phoenix, they define doggy noise polution as barking continuously for 10 minutes or for intervals adding up to 30 minutes. Assuming this is the case in most places, I’d say you’ve got some calls to make the police. At least these pet owners might eventually get the hint as their 9th dog is dragged off to the humane society.

I’d also recommend getting in touch with your HOA. I’ve never had an HOA, but I hear they do a good job of bullying people who cause a disturbance.

Good luck to you.
-malk, a cat person.

My thanks for the suggestions about calling someone and reporting the animal to the police as well as the HOA. If the barking ever gets to the point where it’s pretty clear something MUST be done, this is what I would prefer to do. I was just blowing off steam about the dog and it’s peculiar barking habits. I’d never duct tape the muzzle or do the sponge thing…the sponge is SO wrong. For now, when the dog begins its overtures at odd hours of the day, I’ll look skyward and pray the aliens come get their messiah soon.

I’m also a cat person Malk, though small mellow dogs who pretend to be cats also find favor with me.


I have such a dog in my neighborhood.

There are times when I’ve heard its muffled barking coming from inside the offenders’ house. Their reaction: open the door and let it out to bark on the porch. Constantly.

Sometimes it bothers me enough that I wander over and scream something along the lines of: “Shut up! Your clueless owners should either train you or have you put down!”

Then they bring it back inside.

The most bizarre thing happened last year: my next-door-neighbor came over and asked me if he knew anything about what had happened to his license-plate. I didn’t, so he elaborated. The police had been by to interview him. Someone had removed the license-plate from his car, in order to throw it at the dog, which was, as usual, barking away on the balcony. He seemed embarrassed to ask, since we were on pretty good terms, but he “knew that the dog bothered [me] quite a bit.” He seemed satisfied when I explained that I was really yelling at the owners by proxy, and I would never do anything to hurt an animal. Even if I did want to throw something, I’m sure I could find something more suitable than my neighbor’s plates. How hard could it be to find a more appropriate missile before resorting to bringing a screwdriver out and removing someone’s plates? What the hell?

I’m moving in a couple of weeks.

“…if I knew anything,” natch.

Do you honestly think that is funny?

No, you can’t wish animals on people either.

(Unless the animals are very well trained, perhaps).

If the dog is barking ALL the time, there’s obviously some problem, eh? Lack of attention or training; and it’s the owner’s responsibility to rectify the situation.

The Gaspode - now, I love it when others post what I don’t have the balls to say.

Oh! As it happens, I don’t have balls. So never mind.

No, it was not put up to be funny. It seemed like duct tape provoked a response. If people have that much rage over word usage, they should be encouraged to vent their feelings…