Well, you may have a point there. I still like to have my car nearby when meeting new people - maybe that’s more of a female perspective.
Next timet make a practice drive to the place in the days preceding the date. Scope out parking, places to stroll after the date, and inside the place.
I was kind of shocked at that too. A one mile walk is nothing.
Very solid. Thanks, I will do just that!
What’s up with all of those aforementioned restaurants and dinners anyway ? This is the 21th century, right ? Are men still stupid enough to invite a woman for a first date and pay for both meals ?
Remnants of sexism only remain when they’re advantageous for the so-called “oppressed” party.
Well, whoever does the inviting is the one that should be doing the paying. And if it’s a date, chances are very high that it was the man who did the asking.
On my last first date I was late because she gave me the wrong passcode into the apartment complex where I went to pick her up.
It seems obvious, only if the word “invite” is uttered. What I’m wondering is why men still feel compelled to invite a woman.
My principle is that I don’t owe anything to a woman at a first date by virtue of being a male ; conversely, they don’t owe me anything by virtue of being a female.
So, when I’m having a date, we meet at a bar (I’ve never understood this fixation on restaurants for first dates anyway ; because as you get to know more the other person, you’re supposed to talk and talk, and talking with your mouth full - and teeth covered with residues - is kinda gross) and both pay for their own stuff by default.
Is it cheap ? No. It’s gender equality.
Still single, I take it?
How’s that relevant in any way ?
It’s a discussion, not a thesis. I was just wondering- your attitude regarding who pays seems petty and cheap to me, and perhaps to others although I don’t pretend to speak for them. AFAIC, if a man invites me out to dinner, he’s paying. Gender equality has nothing to do with manners.
I can only speak for myself, of course, and I am of the “whoever invites is who pays” school of dating. If my now-husband had thought along similar lines as you we would never had dated at all though. While he didn’t owe me anything (and I didn’t owe him anything) I was a single mother and struggling financially when we met. He was single father with his own money problems but had more disposable income than I. He invited (and paid) for our first date (and didn’t even fine me or deduct anything for me being so late! ;)). If he wanted to date me he had no choice because I simply could not afford to go out at that time.
During our dating I reciprocated with invitations for “dates” that involved a home-cooked meal and rented videos or outings to the park or walks on the beach (the things I could afford) but I would never invite anyone for those things as a first date.
If it had been a case of him asking to meet me at a bar or with separate checks, then there would have been no first date. If he had waited for me to ask him, there would have been no first date. So sometimes I think it isn’t even a matter of gender equality as much as a practical solution for getting to do what you want. He wanted a meal at a restaurant, he wanted me to be with him, thus he paid for it.
I’m always surprised when a guy pays for supper for me. When I go out to meet someone for the first time, I come prepared to pay for my meal myself but they tend to wave me off and I don’t push it.
Of course now that I’m dating someone we alternate or split, depending on what is happening though the first time he came down to see me I paid for supper (which startled him I think, he reached for the bill but I snagged it before he did and told him that since I invited him I was paying). Tonight we’ll split between movie and supper and one of us will pick up breakfast tomorrow.
Well, yeah, once you’re a couple, paying should be split proportionately. But for the first date? I’d have the cash and I’d quickly put it on the table, but I’d be more than a little put off. Maybe if I were the one inviting, but I rarely am.
The issue of who pays for a date isn’t relevant to the OP. If you want to discuss it, start a new thread (probably in IMHO, though if you want to get into the nitty-gritty of gender politics, I guess you could do it in GD).
This thread is for discussing the OP’s situation and immediately relevant issues, like other stories of getting lost on the way to a date, advice for the OP, etc.
Thanks,
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
Sorry.
Back to the OP, personally I would have been ticked too. I might give you another chance though. Might have been better to leave earlier, then you wouldn’t have taken so long to find parking and then compounded it by getting lost. Of course when I was meeting new people I always tried to find some place central that we both knew so it would be harder to get lost on the way…
Perhaps your subconscious didn’t want to meet her as much as you thought you did?
A decent person would have listened to your explanation before writing you off. I can’t blame your date for being peeved – it does suck to be stood up, after all – but she should have checked her temper before hearing from you. After all, what if you were in an accident on your way over?
But next time, exchange phone numbers with your date and put a GPS app on your phone!
I’m kind of torn on that, too. Sure, sitting alone in a restaurant for half an hour (I assume she didn’t wait longer than that) is a sucky way to spend an evening, but things do happen. If the OP and Lady Friend do get together, other things are GOING to happen that she won’t like - is she a cut-and-run at the first sign of trouble kind of person? I understand from her perspective that you were unreliable and caused her inconvenience, but can she adjust that with knowledge of what actually happened?
You didn’t exchange phone number? I would never go on an online date without getting a phone number from someone, even then it doesn’t stop me from being stood up 99.9% of the time.
Some people are not very understanding.
I recall once in the 90s, before cell phones, I was supposed to meet a date at 7:30pm. I left work plenty early and well the subway got stuck in the tunnel. And it stayed stuck for 50 minutes. I was very late, the date wasn’t understand and didn’t want to hear about it.
Well so just move on. People who don’t use public transit don’t get how unreliable it can be
I’m not sure she even knows what actually happened at this point. I looked at her profile this morning and was greeted by a bold red warning that my messages to her would be filtered, which wasn’t there before, so I’m thinking she threw me on her blocked list; likely hasn’t even read my apology. (Or maybe read it and thought it was a lame excuse, or maybe even dishonest)
C’est la vie, says I. I’m guessing something would have exploded along the dating process anyway, had I made it further than a first date =)
Though I do feel awful about it still – and likely will for a while.
If she’s that reactionary & touchy, dude, you’re better off trust me. I’d most certainly give the other person the benefit of a doubt & one last yet genuine chance to explain in a case like that-not worth getting all pissy about.