Me: XXXX Realty
no response
Me: Hello, this is XXX Realty.
Obscene Phone Caller: Is your pussy wet?
I immediately go to my trademark “Annie-Xmas Way of Dealing With Obscene Phone Callers.” All of my responses are done dead serious, like Temperance “Bones” Brenner.
Me: I don’t understand you.
OPC: Is your pussy wet?
Me: I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t have a pussy. I do have a dog.
OPC: Is your pussy wet?
Me: I told you, I don’t have a pussy. I don’t think the dog is wet. I can see him over there, sleeping in the corner.
OPc: Do you play with your vagina?
Me: I don’t understand you. What does that mean?
OPC: Will you rub your titties for me?
Me: What are you talking about? Are you speaking English?
OPC: Is your pussy wet?
Me: Do you even understand English?
OPC: Do you like to play with your clit?
Me: I don’t know what that means. I like to play Chess. I like the musical.
OPC: Do you want to get naked?
Me: No.
OPC: Why not?
Me: Cause I don’t want to. Do you respect a person’s right to say no?
OPC: But why not?
Me: Cause I said so. What part of NO don’t you understand. The “N” or the “O”?
OPC: Do you like to play with yourself?
Me: I like to play Solitaire. It’s fun on the computer.
OPC: Is that what you’re doing now?
Me: No, I’m on a message board. I’m going to put this entire conversation up there.
On a more practical note, you should always hang up. These guys want to hear your voice, that’s what they’re getting off on, they could care less what you say.
Note, should the OPC ever say anything about holding his unit in his hand the proper response is:
Listen, if you can hold it with just one hand, I’m not interested.
A long time ago in days of yore before Caller ID, I was getting a lot of obscene phone calls so I took my smoke alarm down and kept it next to the phone. The next time I got one of those calls I put the phone next to the smoke alarm and pressed the test button. It stopped the calls.
My own unsuccessful OPC ended when I got an uncontrollable case of the giggles mid pornographic suggestion. Obviously that was many years ago, but it still makes me blush.
How can people say those things with a straight face?
Just start talking… inward… like a Speak And Spell. That’ll throw em off.
Pranker: Is your pussy wet?
You: PUSSY: P-U-S-S-Y… Pussy… NOW SPELL, PERVERT
Pranker: What?
You: EEE-OOO-AHHH-OOO. THAT IS INCORRECT. THE CORRECT SPELLING FOR PERVERT IS P-E-R-V-E-R-T. NOW SPELL ASSHOLE.
Pranker: Click
I got a caller like the one described in the OP - I was in the middle of a whole bunch of phone interviews and, in a fit of giggles, asked the guy to call back later when I wasn’t so busy. He didn’t. Oh well.
In college I answered the phone to hear, “I’m wearing ladies’ panties!” Male voice. Hmm, thinks I, and say, “Isn’t that uncomfortable?” And hung up. I do receive odd phone calls but I know I have the option to bow out.
Which reminds me of another OPC. It was in 1993 at the advent of Caller Id in Orlando, FL. The phone rings-it is 2 a.m. and my husband actually levitates straight up and across the room to answer the phone by the third ring as I turn on the bedroom light. And then his side of the conversation reminds me of the Monty Python Flying Circus skit with the phone call and the shoe size question. So after about 5 min of this decidedly odd conversation and me signaling to him to “HANG UP THE PHONE!” I take the handset and hang it up for him. Then I scroll back thru the Caller Id and call the WOMAN back. And she is trying play it cool until I point out a) she called me and b) it is 2:30 a.m. and she is fully awake. “Oh, yeah . . . oops.”
