So, I just witnessed a suicide. How was your commute?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My girlfriend’s car is in the shop, so I had to pick her up from work. On the way home we stopped at a convenience store to pick up some cigarettes and a six-pack, and across the street two cops had a minivan pulled over in what looked like a normal traffic stop. Two cops instead of just one, but still pretty normal.

Then it got ugly.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the cops in a dead run back to their cars, and when I looked over I saw that the van driver had a gun in his hand. All that went through my head was, “Oh, this isn’t good.”

Then POP and it was all over. He shot himself in the head. Just that fast a life ended, and his body was left just sitting there, hunched a little forward, with a hole in his skull and two streams of blood running down his face.

I guess I was just following through with previously made plans, because I walked into the store and made my purchases.

“What’s going on out there?”

“Some guy just shot himself in the head.”

“Man, what’s wrong with some people?”

Most bizarre conversation I’ve ever had.

The transaction only took about five minutes, but a crowd had already started to gather. Morbid curiosity I guess, but my girlfriend and I just wanted to get out of there. Of course the brain trust that is our local PD was yelling at the guy through their PAs to step out of the vehicle. He ain’t stepping anywhere fellas, he’s dead. I guess they couldn’t really see him from where they were, but at least twenty people in the store parking lot were yelling to them that the guy was dead. One particularly dumb woman decided to walk over and tell them. Approaching jumpy cops with their weapons drawn isn’t my idea of a healthy pastime.

After much detouring I managed to get home, but I did notice that the rest of the force (all 8 of them) were responding to the incident, so I guess they’ll figure it out eventually.

So, how was your day? I think I’m going to go crack that six-pack now.

2

Better his then yours, or other bystanders.

Maybe the cops didn’t see where he pointed the gun. So I can see them trying to call him out. I’d rather be sure he’s dead then to listen to strangers on the road telling me so. Cops gotta watch their backs too. Sorry you had to witness that, just awful.

3

Oh, Ex, that’s terrible! What a horrid thing to have to witness. Is one six-pack going to be enough?

At least he didn’t decide anyone else should go with him, but even to make people witness the act --well, I guess he was past caring whether or not he was being rude.

4

Oh, my God. What a horrible thing to have seen! I suppose it could have been much worse - that man could have hurt a lot more people rather than just himself; nonetheless, I am so sorry you had to see something like that. Drink up, Exgineer, and make sure to share with your girlfriend.

5

Wow. Makes you wonder what he’d done that made suicide the best solution.

If there’s a silver lining to every story, it would have to be that he’s not going back to jail. Last thing the prison guards need is to deal with a guy that’s not afraid to die.

6

Man, Exgineer, that’s really horrible.

Don’t dismiss it or trivialize it in your head or just try to drink it away, that’s a big deal to have to witness it. Especially if you’ve never witnessed a death before; I don’t know if you have. Don’t obsess on it or anything, but don’t underestimate that it’s a pretty traumatic experience and you have every right to get freaked out by it.

Take some time off or something. Talk to your girlfriend about it.

7

If it isn’t I think I have a bottle of gin around here somewhere.

You can say that again. That’s why I think that woman was being really dumb.

Thanks folks. I don’t think we’re going to fall to pieces over this, but all in all I’d rather have given it a miss. Now that I think about it, I wonder where the bullet went when it exited the other side of his head. Somebody else really could have gotten hurt.

8

Last year my wife was on her way to pick me up when she ran over the body of a guy who had just jumped to his death from a freeway overpass. It was very dark and hers was the second vehicle to hit the body.

I never pressed her to tell me exactly what it was like, but let’s just say there were lots of body parts strewn about the freeway.

And the worst part was that I was on the cell phone with her while it happened. We’re just talking and then “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

She was just screaming for ages, and she couldn’t even express what had happened. I was thinking something horrible must have happened to our 1-month-old in the back seat. Finally she collected herself and pulled over and nursed the baby and gave the cops a statement, etc.

We had goop on our car, which we’ve since sold (the car, not the goop). After I was satisfied that she was safe, I felt so angry that someone would endanger dozens of innocent freeway drivers just so they could off themselves in as violent a way as possible. I still don’t know what it must have been like for her.

9

Today’s Daily News had pictures of a guy offing himself on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Cheers Exgineer.

10

Exgineer, I don’t usually say this, but by all means, crack open that six pack or do whatever you and your girlfriend need to to be good to yourselves. As I think some of you know, I’ve been entirely too close killing myself, and I’m sorry you had to be there and see someone at that point. All I can say is, yes, I’m afraid it probably was that bad, and no, there wasn’t anything you could do, and yes, it does stink. I’m sorry. If you need a hug or a shoulder to cry on, I’m here, and my e-mail address is in my profile. I wish things could have been otherwise for you, your girlfriend, and the man in the car.

With great regret,
CJ

11

It’s a friggin’ epidemic. I feel bad for the people who had to see that guy kack himself too. By the way, did we have words recently or something? I generally like your posts, but lately when I see your name I feel this faint sense of guilt, like I owe you an apology.

Siege (you used to be cjhowrth right?), thank you. We’re fine, really. We didn’t know the guy and we weren’t in any position to do anything regardless. It wasn’t like we were watching something develop either. We were just there and it happened. Rapidly. My e-mail is public too, and if you ever need somebody to talk to, or just rant at, I’m always here. Suicide is never the right choice, in my opinion. It just means giving up and letting the bastards win. No matter how bad your situation is there’s always some way to make it better. God bless you.

12

Geez - and here I was all pissy because my flight out of Charlotte was delayed an hour. Talk about putting things in perspective.

Dang, Ex, I’d have freaked if I’d witnessed such a thing. eeeeesh

13

You know, no matter what happens, when I start a thread and FairyChatMom posts in it I have to figure everything is going to be okay.

Latest update:

According to the latest on the local news the guy popped off a shot which it a car in the parking lot of the tanning salon across the street from the convenience store, which doesn’t make much sense to me. Was a cop that made the initial stop right behind him or something?

Eh. For the first hour the local 24 hour news channel seemed to be dedicated to getting everything wrong. I’ll give verybody twelve hours or so to calm down and get everything straight, and then I’ll post a link if anybody’s interested.

Again, I’d like to thank everybody for their kind thoughts. That sucked, frankly, but we’re fine here. We’re both adults, and we’ve both seen dead people before. I just wish he hadn’t done it. There had to be a better way.

14

I find that people who buy six-packs are generally optimists. I’m in it for the long haul.

Too bad you had too see that Ex but from the looks of it , it’s better off that it was you than a whole host of other people. You seem on a really even keel.

15

Exgineer, for what it’s worth, it could be worse.

About ten years ago, my dad met his best friend for a beer after work. Just a quick one, nothing major.

Afterward, though, while Bobby was heading home, some asshole decided to pull a stunt just like the one you described. Except he did it in a moving truck, while the cops were tailing him. The vehicle instantly became the Flying fucking Dutchman and slammed into Bobby’s car.

He left behind a wife and four kids. He was only in his early forties at the time. It devastated my Dad as well.

You’ll do okay, man. Crack a can for me.

16

Evidently the local news was still busy getting it wrong when I last posted.

For what it’s worth, here is the story from the local newspaper.

I don’t know why I’m following this so closely when I should be trying to put it out of my mind. I guess I want to know why he felt he had to do it.

17

One dead Pakistani/Indian dead on the highway on the way in this morning. The police had already covered the body by the time I drove by.

Other than that nothing to report.

Maybe it is a full moon or something.
:frowning:

18

That’d be my guess. I was doing the same thing yesterday morning with a local news story about a man who killed his estranged wife, kidnapped his daughter, and is now under arrest. The Amber Alert which went out when the police found his wife’s body and his daughter was reported missing was on signs on the highway when I came home from work on Thursday night. What can drive a person to the point where he would actually kill himself or others, and how do we know that doesn’t lurk within us?

I didn’t write this last night because there was someone in the room with me who I didn’t want to hit with this at the time. Nearly a dozen years ago, I, too, attempted suicide-by-cop, I’m told. I don’t remember doing so myself – it was while I was nearly catatonic. Apparently, while I was at a hospital which concerned friends had taken me to, I lunged for a police officer’s gun. My fiance was with me, saw what I was up to, and stopped me. I found out about this a week later when I noticed the bruise on my arm his attempt left. I am doing much better these days, and, as I’ve said, I don’t remember much of that time. I do remember overwhelming, soul-destroying pain.

We saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azbakan last night, so I’ll use dementors as an analogy, but the reality may be even worse. Rage and pain, with no safe way to deflect or discharge them and no safe direction to turn them can eat a person alive and destroy them, and unfortunately sometimes others have to witness this, helpless. I wish my fiance hadn’t seen what he’d seen, which is why I took steps to see the gentleman I was with last night didn’t see this. (The man who was my fiance at the time has been out of my life for years.) That’s also why I insist on speaking out. While I cannot undo what happened to me or what happened to you, Exgineer or the people you saw last night, perhaps I can help someone find a way to deflect and discharge that pain and rage, and even heal the damage they do, or at least show them they can be healed. It must be worth an attempt.

I’m doing all right these days. I’ve fallen in with the right people, including the people on this message board, and, to my continued amazement, two wonderful gentlemen who took me to dinner and a movie last night, even if one of them does keep insisting he can beat me at backgammon! :wink: I had opportunities and I made choices the man who killed himself last night didn’t have and didn’t make. For that, I am grateful.

CJ

19

No, don’t try to put it out of your mind. You’re still processing it and coming to terms with it. That’s one hell of a shock, and you need time to get over it. I’m not surprised you went calmly (or so it seemed to you) into the store and completed your transaction. I’d bet that most of your mind was locked in WHATTHEHELL??? while the surface bit was running on autopilot – shock will do that to a person.

Many years ago, I was yanked out of sleep by a hysterical girl pounding on my door, shrieking for help. She and her boyfriend were the first-floor tenants in the building where I had a third-floor apartment. I couldn’t understand her babbling, but ran downstairs with her and found her boyfriend hanging from a clothes rod in their back bedroom.

I told her to call the cops, then took over the phone when she remained incoherent. I told her to get some clothes on. I cut down the body and started to try CPR, then quit since he was cold and very thoroughly dead. I coped with successive waves of police, EMTs, more police (the best set were a huge, grizzled, Irish gold-braid senior officer and his tiny Asian-featured young sidekick), telling what I knew over and over till the lastt for work.

And all through this I was calm, level-headed, and efficient. Did it bother me?

HELLL YES. Under the calm I was hit hard. For days afterwards I couldn’t stop talking about it. I NEEDED to talk about it.

So, Ex, while dwelling on it isn’t a good idea in the long run, right now, yes, you DO need to talk about it, think about it, and work through this horrible experience. If you still can’t get past it in a month or two, then I’d worry. Right now, though, let it be up front as much as you need. Don’t try to put it out of your mind, because it won’t go until it’s had its say.

20

Ah, hell. That was supposed to be:

“till the last of the responders left around 3:00 a.m. Then I went back to bed and slept till I had to get up for work.”