I don’t mind getting new clothes-I just hate trying them on.
I’d much rather go book or doll shopping.
weirddave, may I suggest you add cart surfing to your list of Fun Activities to Do At The Grocery?
I used to work at a grocery store when I was but a young lass, and cart surfing was always a favorite activity.
My favorite cart surfing memory: We were stocking the store before the Grand Opening. Being young and unsupervised, mischeif became too great a temptation. In such a large store, the extra-long aisles begged to be surfed on a speeding shopping cart. We took turns zooming at a speed approaching Mach 1 down the long expanse. On my last trip, I lost control, and crashed into a enormous stack of paper towels. It was an avalanche; I fell off of the cart and was buried completely. I fought my way to the surface, only to come up right in front of the regional manager, who was touring the store. The Little Dude in the Suit, we called him. I sat there, shocked and horrified, seeing my job ending right before my eyes. The Little Dude in the Suit looked down at me pensively for an endless moment, and then said, “Mind if I borrow that cart for a moment?” Before I could find my voice, he pulled the cart out from the crumbling stack, hopped on and zoomed down the aisle expertly, the rest of the Suits and managers staring with gaping mouths. His tie streamed behind him as he whizzed by with a huge grin. It was one of the most surreal sights of my life . . . a man in a neat buisness suit and shiny shoes piloting a grocery cart at top speed down the aisle. The Little Dude in the Suit reached the end, rocketed back toward us, hopped off the cart, and handed it back to me. He straightened his tie, and said, “Now Bill, about those projections–” as he walked away.
This one came from my older brother, not me–and it was at a K-Mart when we were visiting in Indianapolis a few years ago.
Gary went into the store with our younger brother and stopped at a display of photos–you know, where the picture of this unknown little kid is shown in wallet-size, 8 x 10, and other sizes you can choose from.
Gary asked the attendant, “I like those shots–but do I have to buy pictures of that kid, instead of my own?” I don’t think the attendant got the joke. 
In 1960 when we were kids, Gary and I, and our sister, were in a local supermarket where the condiments (mustard, ketchup, etc.) were in the aisle at one end of the store. He said he’d like to throw a mustard jar over the aisles, just to get away with it–on a dare. So far as I know he never did it. (He’s now a 20-year veteran of the Air Force. 
)
Damn Lissa,you got lucky.:cool Only hijinks I ever pulled was when I was 12,on a spur of the moment impulse,drop-kicked a roll of paper towels.Went through the chains holding the aisle sign and dropped into my basket at the other end of the aisle.
Alright, you all just got me in trouble for laughing so loud I almost woke up the kids!
I love grocery stores, but I can never get anyone to go with me.
I have a thing in the summer about not wearing a bra, so I took one of my guy friends shopping with me, and while we were in the freezer aisle I made the comment about how hard my nipples were, and that it was starting to bother me because they were rubbing on my shirt, did he want to see?
There was an old lady in front of us that practically ran to get away and my friend won’t go shopping with my anymore.
I sing out loud to the muzak.
I do have one friend who does put up with me, and I love to talk to her when she is on the other side of the store. Especially about personal stuff like what kind of pads she wants.
I have thrown things from on aisle to the next to see if she could catch them in the basket.
I’ve asked people if they really think they should be buying what they are.
I also have been known to sing the jinggle of whatever item I am buying.
And I have a bad habit of reading the tabloid headlines out loud and acting shocked at the true things they are reporting.
I know of three people who have actually been kicked out of a grocery store. Fun haters!
Weirddave, here’s a little suggestion for your next shopping outing. It’s both fun and time saving !
You know those finicky old lady types you always see at the grocery store, taking forever to choose every item?
Well, the way I see it they have already selected the finest fruits and vegetables and meats.
So I’m thinking you should just be shopping out of their carts.
They should be easy to distract just throw something, when they turn around, scoop those tomatoes they spent 20 mins selecting, right out of their cart and into yours.
Save time, have a little fun AND get the best stuff!
I don’t see a downside.
Anybody?
Actually, one thing I have done is to slip something no body wants onto the belt with the customer in front of me’s items, like say, pigs feet or lard or poted meat food product. I would LOVE to see their expressions when they get home!
This reminds me of a story I heard about a girl who was caught cheating by her boyfriend. Said boyfriend and his friends stole a sign and put it right below her bedroom window. Though it didn’t say “Men Working”, it said “Open Trench”! :eek:
Only a confused shop assistent is a good shop assistent.
I d love to go shopping with you dave…
dodgy
/another sign hijack/
There’s this wonderful sign around Chicago. Never seen it anywhere else in the U.S., but whenever I stumble across one, it’s ALWAYS good for a smile.
Yellow warning sign: SPEED HUMP
That’s the greatest thing ever. I’m still trying to figure out how to get one of those mothers outta the pole.
/end another sign hijack/
Although I find sign-stealing to be immature, stealing other worthless shit can be fun.
A little outside my town there’s a closed down Elby’s, with the Big Boy statue still there. It’s been sitting there for months, just begging “Take me, take me.” I’ve been trying to convince people to help filch it for months.
See, the thing is bolted down, so we’re either gonna need a huge wrench or we’re gonnna need a blowtorch. Another problem is that it’s by an open highway, so it’ll have to be one of those in and out operations. The next problem is transportation. We could put it on a pick-up truck, but that might be seen. I’m thinking the solution would be box it up or bag it up and toss it in my dad’s SUV.
Any suggestions?
Even better is a slight relocation. A restaurant by me had a portable sign that said "Earlybird special 5-7 pm $20". Looked real nice moved to their next door neighbor.
The motel.Man, you guys are good. I bow before your silliness.
The only slightly silly thing I’ve ever done in a supermarket was to slow-dance to the lite rock music they play.
There are several of those around Dallas. We got those damn humps everywhere, mostly on the high-traffic residential streets. The fun part is, my car can take them at 40+ mph easily. without scraping the bottom.
Ah, man, my SO and I do this all the time. Grocery shopping together is major fun.
One thing we like to do is make ‘affectionate nicknames’ out of products - "ah, my little cocktail weinie is hot sauce’ for example.
The Oriental Grocery stores are great for finding odd things (like the “vegetarian pork flavored pate” we gave Bob for Christmas).
Odd signs - like the store that advertises “boneless crab”.
We fight over who gets to drive the cart, too.
We went grocery shopping together on our second date. It was a treat.
Try late night shopping sometimes! I remember a 2 a.m. trip to the store with my roommates when the night crew was polishing the floors with a very large power buffer. My buddy took one of the toilet plungers and stuck it down right around the corner from where the obviously asleep operator was polishing. We then proceeded into a different aisle and waited for the inevitable. When he hit it, he sent it flying right into the pickles. Since we were the only customers in the store at the time, we beat a hasty retreat before anyone figured out what had happened.
Oh, and on the subject of signs, we had a “stop before entering” sign on the outside of the bathroom door and one of those flashing barricade lights parked on the back of the toilet. Kind of surreal in the middle of the night after a bout of heavy drinking and D&D.
Spinne there are no words for how sorry i am for you.
You’ve obviously never experienced the rush of stuffing a foot and a half long “These products contain or have come in contact with nuts” sign (i have a thing for “nuts” signs) down your shirt.
Try it sometime, you’ll understand.
I remember my friend and I polkaing our way around Kmart with our arms linked…we had just learned polka in gym, and there was polka music playing for some Xmas thing…(this was LONG before I worked at Kmart-although the kmart we did this at was the one I now work at…strange…)
Ah, this thread gave me a good laugh. Thanks Dave.
It’s good to be a goof
I gotta try some of these one day. The only thing I’ve ever really done is play catch with toilet paper.