So, I was grocery shopping when...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

…I realized that my ex-wife was no longer with me. Suddenly, it dawned on me that my weekly trip to the market could be FUN again! Highlights include:

Sampling 7-8 different kinds of meats in the deli, buying two.

Lining up 5 melons with different tones, attempting to play “Jingle Bells” by thumping them. Frowning when this dosen’t work as well as I’d hoped.

Stoping 4-5 random shoppers and asking them if they knew what “poted meat food product” was. Nobody did.

Singing random commercial jungles out loud as I passed the products.

Singing along with the muzak. Loudly.

Asked the Pharmacist what type of analgesic she recommended to combat “The fever for the flavor of a Pringles”. Buy Pringles.

Holding random clams up to my ear. When the seafood person asked if he could help, I said " SHHHHHH! I’m trying to hear the ocean!"

Shooting “baskets” at my cart with canned goods.

Stopped a passerby and said " The clam juice. It’s right there." Pointed at clam juice, then continued shopping.

Told the person restocking the juice isle that V-8 was “too powerful”. Asked if they carried V-4 or V-6. He didn’t get it.

Danced around in front of the poultry fridge, flapping and singing “I feel like chicken tonight”

Asked the dairy guy why there was an experation date on sour cream. He didn’t know. Told him what Cecil said about it.

I love grocery shopping!

2

Yer a goof.

3

I’m with Geobabe. Yer a MAJOR goof.

4

weirddave, it’s good to know that someone else has seen the light. Grocery shopping rocks. Stealing green beans and other produce one at a time and eating them is big fun. Also, once you have enough weight in the cart, and if the store is big enough, running around really really fast, and making car noises. And dancing to find your product, or throwing it and catching it is especially fun.

5

WHY BE NORMAL?

6

Damn, I’m gonna be giggling at this thread all night.

V-6 juice.
I love it.

7

wierddave:
Will you do all my virtual grocery shopping?
Can I watch?
If you are ever in Northern California, will you shop with me?

8

Man, i got 2 words for you: Stealing Signs.

I dont know if your super market has them, but some of the ones around here do.

My greatest sign stolen? A lovely little white on green number that said “Candy and Nuts”. I was so proud

9

I don’t know if it’s that I hate V-8 for that very reason or the fact that I’ve never heard that joke before. Whatever it is, that line cracked me up.

If the guy couldn’t get that joke then he needs to be working in a supermarket stocki… uhhh… nevermind.

10

The double entente that is…

11

After having my head handed to me when I had the audacity to suggest that Upham was perhaps weirder than weirddave, I wish to retract my earlier statement. weirddave is not, after all, a goof. He is, rather, weird. Weird, I tells ya, probably the weirdest man who ever lived! And don’t ever let anybody tell you any different!

12

Heehee. I once stole a sign from a restaurant that said “Thank you. Please come again.” That sign was in my bedroom when I was single…(and younger & sillier.)

Weirddave, let me know if you come to Denver. We can go shopping together! :slight_smile: I like arranging vegetables into little phallic sculptures and leaving them prominently displayed.

13

Sigh.

Almost make me wish I was single again, just so I could do that silly stuff.

Glad you’re having some fun, weirddave! :slight_smile:

14

Dave, there’s this fun trick wherein you get adequate oxygen to your brain.

You might try it next time you,re for example, around paint. Breathing in the fumes is, contrary to what the 50s told us, not good for your health.

Yer weird:)

15

YEA!

But don’t ever tell my mom why I liked doing the family shopping. It was my chore for a while, even before I could drive. I’d get dropped off and told to call when I was done. Chore? What? Way better than, say, dishes or laundry.

Grocery shopping is fun. Clothes shopping sucks.

16

Man, I wish we’d had customers like that when I worked in a grocery store!

Dave, if you’re ever in the Pittsburgh area, PLEASE go to my Kmart…we could use some entertainment!

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Upham, stealing signs is one of the most immature things ever. “OOOoooh! I just stole a sign look at me!” My friends do it and I wonder WTF?

18

I have always wanted one of those construction signs that say “Men Working” to put on my bedroom door. My husband is still working up the nerve to steal one and give it to me. He thinks it will be galant of him.

19

I really want to go shopping with you. I may try the V-8 thing if I see someone stocking it at the store.

20

I so agree with you on that, I can’t stand clothes shopping but going to the grocery store is so much fun. I got some awfully weird looks last night while doing the Beggin’ Strips commercial. What else should I think of when buying bacon? “Only one thing smells like bacon, that’s bacon… Dog’s don’t know it’s not bacon… IT’S BACON!!!” And since I had just come from soccer practice and was all pumped up, I got to do my cute little wannabe-cheerleader high kicks randomly and get really odd looks. What? I was just happy.

Kitty