Don’t underestimate four year-olds. By that age Wayne Gretzky already had the OHL assist record.
And Mozart had already composed his second piece of music.
Most four year olds will behave well, like four year olds !!!
WTH is a bairn? Speak Anglisc for christ’s sake.
Bairn - house ape, curtain climber, yard monkey, hey, you, chilluns.
Feh, Scots.
yard monkey? so it has been reclaimed then? 
oops, I was trying to make a Clerks II reference, but it’s porch monkey and/or yard ape that he was trying to reclaim. My bad
You left out the ability to make the most of a potential foul… the slightest physical contact should be acted out as attempted murder.