So, I’m thinking of starting my own little cult…
But, I don’t know where to begin. There’s so much to do, I don’t know what comes first. Here’s my To-Do list. If you can offer some advice, prioritize my tasks, recommend potential followers, volunteer yourself, etc. PLEASE let me know.
Things I Need To Accomplish In Starting A Cult:
** in no particular order * *
- Lose my birth certificate so I can claim immaculate conception.
- Learn a funny wild-eyed look that makes people wonder what’s going on in my head.
- Rent a big warehouse to store all of the worldly posessions of my recruits.
. 3a. Locate a reliable fence to launder said posessions.
- Negotiate a volume discount with a surgeon so that my male followers can be castrated at a discount rate.
- Guns. I’m pretty sure we’re going to need guns.
- Buy some land that we can have bonfires, orgies, and target practice on. Maybe central Texas…
- Make friends with the postman. (This is always overlooked.)
- This is crucial: Do I hire an assistant from the ranks of my recruits, or do I have an assistant first. Hmmmm…
- Learn the names of some of the closest stars to Earth. This might come in handy if there is dissension in the ranks.
Wanna be my assistant???