Yep. You read right. I’ve decided to win the lottery next week. Nothing huge by PowerBall standards, but I figure a cool $14.2 million (lump sum) would be a good start. And before you ask, I ain’t tellin’ ya my lucky numbers, lest I have to share it with you.
So, I’m thinkin’ about all the cool things I could do with a couple of extra bucks:
[list=1]
[li]Buy a yacht, and go for a three hour tour. I’d take a few comic Dopers for a supporting cast, just in case.[/li][li]Charter a flight to fly across the US & Canada, pick up Dopers in each major town, and fly 'em to a MegaSuperHugeDopefest-O-Rama. All expenses paid, all the sushi you can eat.[/li][li]I’d still go to work. You may have all the money in the world, but I’d rather fly to Afghanistan for free.[/li][li]I’m going to build a kickass house on a huge ranch in Arizona for the aforementioned Dopefest. Party as hard as you want, nobody’ll be around to care. Just don’t pass out on the cactus.[/li][li]I would donate a couple of bucks to the New Jersey Devils, just so they can have a good season, beat the Avalanche, and seriously piss off Mr. Cynical, because I want a Goddamn t-shirt of my own.[/li][/list=1]
I figured I’d start there. That’s all I can think of right now. . .
Tripler
You won’t need first class. My chartered flight has free drinks for everyone.
I can see you setting sail from Arizona on your three hour tour. Obviously you’d be the millionaire, who’d be the other characters. (My advise, skip Ginger and take Maryann and Bailey)
Funny you should mention this. The Florida Lottery is $15M for tonight’s drawing, and I think it’s got my name on it. I’ve already got a boat, but it’s not all that big, so I’d charter a big 'un for a Floating DopeFest. Then I’d send plane tickets to all who wanted to attend [sub]no trolls[/sub] and hire the biggest Polka Band I could find!!
OK, I’m kidding about the Polka band. And I promise to leave my accordion at home. So start packing - the drawing is tonight.
Sorry, Trip, you can’t have it. After I win it, however, I’d be more than happy to send you a first-class ticket to visit me in my new villa in the Andalusian area of Spain
No, chique, you don’t get it. This is my thread, my illusion, thus, my $14.2 million. However, if we were to win different, independent jackpots at the same time, why hell, we should throw an ÜberMassiveGrandMegaSuperHugeDopefest-O-Rama!
You shoulda TM’d this, now everybody and his hamster are going to crib this from you.
Anywhoooo, since Mr. Ujest was (-----------------) close to winning $640,000 on the half dollar slots at an indian reservation casino this past weekend, we spent the rest of the drive home in a haze of “Boy, thatta been nice…”
I pretty much convinced him that if we’d won to a vow of secrecy and we would continue to live in our modest white bread lifestyle but with a) no money worries b) no beggars showing up at our door that we haven’t seen in 15 years and, this is the important part c) make people think that the reason why our modest little house has geothermal heating/cooling, flat screen TV, etc and we’ve both suddenly lost alot of weight after a ‘vacation’ and the kids are in designer togs and attending the $15k a year uber prep school in the area is because Mr. Ujest and I manage our money well and make smart investing decisions.
It will drive them nuts.
Instead of winning, we didn’t lose what we took in, which was $7. We came out with $13.
However, the Big Game or Megamillions is up to $68 million.
I think I can dip into the kids college fund for that one
[Cheezy Gameshow Announcer Voice]
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, now you too can practice for the ÜberMassiveGrandMegaSuperHugeDopefest-O-Rama™!
Simply head to your nearest Dopefest, show your face, meet some other Dopers, and revell in the livatious atmosphere! Before you know it, you too can be versed enough to attend the upcoming ÜberMassiveGrandMegaSuperHugeDopefest-O-Rama™!
Start today!
[/Cheezy Gameshow Announcer Voice]
While I’m at it, I’ll even throw in a tip for my new TripCo Ltd. product line of Do-It-Yourself Third World Coup D’etat Kits™ [sub]Now complete with little red bandanas[/sub]! from TripCo Ltd.: Makers of fine sociopolitical gifts for the whole family!
And, just to cover the square, I end with my sig block, that I rarely use, but simply reeks of legalese.
Tripler
But I agree with Shirley: I won’t change my lifestyle at all.
I think I know Tripler’s secret number combo. Psst, don’t tell anyone but it is 1, 2, 3, 4, , and 5 with the Powerball number being 6. Shhh. Now we can all share in the wealth.
