So - I've started my medical transition last week

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Quick note to the folks who know me IRL: This is not your news to share. I am no where near my social transition at this time.

Last November, I had a life shattering revelation. The long and short of it, is that I realized why I’ve always struggled with mental health issues. I’ve been in counselling for the last several months, and I’m reasonably sure I’m on the right path.

“But Maus,” I hear you say, “I thought you were married, and you enjoy male-coded activities.” To which I say: First, “note the name change”, and second, “I know, right?” That’s part of why it’s taken so long for me to figure out. I have a mild dysphoria, and it never really consciously bothered me… until it did.

Thanks to counselling and that I’ve been thoughtful about every step I’ve taken, I feel like I’m in a good place. Mrs Magill is aware, and we’re still planning on staying together for the long haul.

So what’s with this thread? I’ve been on the board for twenty-three years, and I figured you all should know. Also, if someone on the board is struggling and the were to see that they’re not alone, maybe they’ll be helped by this. Based on my reception in the MMP, I’m anticipating a mostly positive reaction. We are the smartest and hippest people on the internet, plus a few total dipsticks.

I guess this is an AMA thread, but be prepared for a lot of “I dunno.”

Disclaimer: I do not claim to speak for the trans community, just for my own experience.

(Old) GET READY TO RUM-BEAR! - A Fat Bear Week MMP
2

I wish you nothing but the best – peace, health, happiness, contentment, and joy – going forward.

And I wish you an environment and a world that – little by little – poses less and less of a threat to you achieving any and all of those things.

3

I think you’re the only one who is qualified to make the choice, though it’s a sign of love that you consider those close to you and (luckily!) get to enjoy their support.

Best of luck, it’s not a happy world right now, and I respect your bravery for being yourself in such a time and place.

4

No, no it’s not. As Mrs Magill put it:

You really need to work on your timing, dude.

5

Thanks for trusting us with this. And best wishes for people who you encounter in real life to be supportive.

6

Best of luck in your new adventure!

7

My best to you. And your wife. :slightly_smiling_face:

8

Thanks for sharing this very important part of yourself.

Since you mentioned this could be an AMA thread, I’m curious what it was that finally “clicked” for you. Was it something someone said or did? Or was it more of a slow awakening?

I’m really glad you have a supportive partner.

9

I wish you the best. My daughter came out in her early twenties. She still likes some “guy” things; she’s still as big a baseball fan as she ever was (not that women don’t like baseball too). The point is we’ve still done the same things together that we did before. It’s just that now it’s dad/daughter instead of dad/son. Her wife, who she knew before she came out, is also transitioning.

10

Congratulations! I wish you all the best and hope you have loving and supportive people in your life.

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My egg cracked at the local Pride fest last year, while working my church’s table. I had seen a young man, whom I’d known since he was a little girl[1]. He had just had top surgery done, and it was the first time I had ever seen him happy. I mean truly happy. It weighed on me.

Flash forward to November. Mrs Magill and the younger two were in Texas, helping our oldest move into his new house. I was left to my own devices, doing the totally normal things that everyone does[2], and was presenting authentically while watching videos, so I could check those boxes and say “Trans people do this, and I don’t, so therefore I’m not trans.” I was reminded of when I’d taken a Myers-Briggs test in college and spent nearly a minute trying to figure out whether I overthought things[3]. So I admitted to myself that maybe I could be trans, and that was fucking devastating. Fifty-plus years of quiet dysphoria washed over me. I then contacted a counselor I’d met at the Pride Fest. She didn’t have an opening for several weeks. I held it together through the holidays, and after our last guest had left, I had a talk with Mrs Magill. She’s still adjusting, and I’m trying to move at a pace that won’t leave her behind.

Even to this day, I don’t want to be trans. I want to be “normal” whatever that is. So, I’m trying to find a new normal. As I’ve said before: Will I ever love being trans? Probably not, but I’m learning to love myself.

  1. Or so we all thought ↩︎

  2. Narrator: Everybody doesn’t do those things ↩︎

  3. Yes. Yes, I do ↩︎

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That you were watching those videos is probably a big clue right there!

Thank you for sharing your story. I know I don’t have to tell you the challenges that lay ahead. But you sound to me incredibly full of hope that you might get to a comfortable and good place where you can be yourself. It sounds like you are on the right track and have a good support system. I share with you with the immortal words of Madonna: “Express yourself, don’t repress yourself.”

Sorry, I’m one of those people who has a playlist for every life event.

“Freedom '90” is another good coming out tune, even if you’re only coming out to yourself and a select few. And we are grateful to be counted among them.

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Another reason why the board needs a like button.

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Well, holy shit! Congratulations!

15

Yeah, imagine my surprise.

16

I have a couple of things.

I’m interested in what’s going on with Mrs Magill. I could see some people reacting with something along the lines of “you are making me a lesbian”.

Second, what type of differences do you see with the medical transition part. I can read “chick lit”, watch rom-coms,etc. What do you see is the difference between acting female and being female?

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Mrs Magill has started counseling herself. As you can imagine, she’s been forced to consider things she’s never had to before. Our marriage is important to us both, so we’re working through it.

My medical transition so far has been GAHT, Gender Affirming Hormone Therapy. I’m on a lower dose than usual of Spironolactone, an androgen blocker. It originally was a blood pressure medication and a diuretic. I do hot yoga several times per week, and my endocrinologist didn’t want me passing out or to strain my kidneys. I am also on an estradiol patch. Will I go further? Who knows?

The end result is that im more comfortable in my skin.

18

And that is a beautiful thing beautifully said.

Here’s hoping your journey just gets easier.

And yeah, work on your timing. :zany_face:

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After you got to the therapist what’s the first really medical thing that was on the list?

I don’t mean to ask for salaciousness, I suppose hormone therapy is first?

Am I correct?

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This is never an easy realization to make, nor is it an action easily taken. I wish you and yours the best.