Sending all the support in the world your way. May you find peace, joy and satisfaction.
For me, it was. I am a plodding, methodical person. The kind of person who inventories their IKEA flat pack before putting it together, by following the directions.
I wanted to see how my brain reacted. So far, it seems to like it.
Forgive a bit of humor, but when I read this I was thinking, “It’s great that she can consult with herself but she really should probably see a professional.”
It’s a BIG change for both of you, but I get how love works. It always finds a way.
Thank you for sharing with us. I wish you and your wife all the best in your journey
I do some male-coded things, and I’m female. I don’t see why you can’t also be female and enjoy male-coded things.
Only you know what’s inside your head, and that’s the part that matters. Be who you are.
You know, some people go their whole lives without realizing the truth of their situation.
Kudos to you.
Because otherwise, I might be trans, and that can’t be right. Everyone knows that trans is a subset of gay[1], and since I like girls, I’m straight[2], so therefore I can’t be trans.
Maybe, I should have changed my username to Cleopatra, the queen of Denial.
Gender and sex in humans are weird.
Actually, I can say that shorter. Humans are weird. Sometimes it’s a good weird, though.
ETA: how did you do those footnotes?
Another dumb question. Will names change in your immediate family and circle of friends?
Footnotes are easy. Lead with a caret ^ immediately follow with a bracket [ put in your text and close with a bracket ]
If I do socially transition, I’ll use the diminutive of the feminized version of my name. I’m still me. I like me.
I like this meme:
Except that Maus isn’t dead. He was a chrysalis.
You got this, and we got you.
Okay, this made me laugh out loud.
Whatever identifiers, labels, names, or pronouns you use, you will always be you. Best wishes for your journey.
I asked about names, not because I am thinking it’s bad or wrong but because I have cousin who was Rene as we were growing up. I don’t know why, and I’m not gonna asking but now her name is legally changed to Charity.
I’m not around her so my judgement matters very little, but I can never know her as “Charity” the only memories I have of her were when we were children and she was Rene.
If I were around her I would try very hard to go by her wishes.
No nearly as dramatic as transitioning, as much as I understand it. But still it apparently was a great big deal with her siblings and Mother.
Anywhoo…just thinking out loud.
So glad that you’ve figured out what you need. And thank you for sharing.
If you’re anything like me — and 43 years ago I was in an initially tricky situation (nothing to do with a transition) — once I figured out what I needed, that became a ‘destination’, a goal, and then everything else became crystal clear and in some cases almost didn’t matter. Not every scenario became defined, of course, but I knew exactly what I needed and that helped provide a clarity to life that helped me to handle any naysayers. {I’m struggling with describing this succinctly, and I hope my point is coming through clearly enough.}
We Dopers, we are here for you.
I sincerely hope that your church is supportive. I’m very involved with my church and congregations can be a tricky entity. All love when seen from afar but not always the case when you zoom in and view the body more closely. I hope this does not happen, but there may be some (in your church or in any other circle you’re a part of) who surprise you with their disapproval or even enmity. If such were to happen, I pray that you can remember that God is love (1Jn 4:8). Whoever does not love does not know God. Sometimes, people suck. If any ‘people suck’ scenario arises, may you always remember the ‘destination’, the goal that you need and I tried describing it above, and may that destination provide you with a clarity that makes that scenario almost not matter. When that happens, it can be a peace that passes all understanding.
Very happy for you, @Mollie_Magill. Stay focused.
This thread has been challenging for me to read. Maybe back in the late 1990s, I had a friend who transitioned. Came to the same realization as you, and did it. It was not easy, and required a lot from friends (basically, family cut all ties, a divorce ensued, but I was one of our group of friends who stood with her), but eventually, she achieved her goal. So reading through this thread and remembering those days hasn’t been easy.
I will say that part of one message that you posted, Mollie, stands out:
That’s key; that’s what my friend learned to do too. “Learned” may not be the correct term, as that implies some sort of educational undertaking rather than a waking up to the facts, but the message is there: you must love yourself. If doing that involves casting away a chrysalis and becoming a butterfly, as the above cartoon meme suggests, then do it. That will get you on the path to loving who you are.
I am reminded of Harry Chapin’s song, “Sequel,” which is the follow-up sequel to his song “Taxi.” Neither Harry nor Sue achieved their dreams that they described in that song, but Sue’s recalling of her experience in the time since then is especially telling:
That’s when I asked her, “Where was that actress?”
She said, “That was somebody else”
And then I asked her why she looked so happy now
She said, “I finally like myself. At last I like myself.”
Be happy, Mollie. Love yourself. Know that we Dopers are here, and you are always one of us, and as such, you are always welcome.
I don’t know if this post will come across as a reassuring post or an incoherent mess, but know that I understand, and I will stand with you, just as I did for my friend, back in the late 1990s.
Our daughter had the good fortune to be given a name that works equally well for male/female, and that she likes. She has taken a new middle name. My wife and I find it distressing that our daughter-in-law’s parents will sometimes result in using her dead name with certain people.
Wishing you all the best as you take the steps to feel more aligned with yourself. As a parent of a trans adult, I don’t know if he loves being trans, but he is loving being himself. His recent surgery has provided some relief, in addition to the hormones. May you find love, support and peace through your journey.
I really admire the way you have navigated this journey with your wife and family. It speaks to what a kind, thoughtful person you are.
Are you and the Mrs considering moving to somewhere more trans friendly?
Oh, @Spoons that was a beautiful post. And of course you had your usual musical insertion, very nice.
Music has always got a place it needs to be and you picked a good one.
I felt your love for your friend, thru the screen. We can but hope @Mollie_Magill has friends and family with that same love and care for her.
I love love. So I love seeing love here on the Dope, it rises so far above the hate that’s permeating everything now.
I thank you, friend.
Congrats and good luck! I’m glad your spouse is supportive.