Since I didn’t want to hijack Zenster’s thread of [EMAIL=http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=170591]Know TV, No Life … No TV, Know Life, I opened this one. Given that relationships are all about compromise I wanted to come up with a solution to this problem that would suit both of our needs.
To somewhat quote what I said in the other thread:
As far as TV is concerned I grew up in an environment with the TV on ALL of the time. I now have mixed feelings towards TV. I absolutely abhor the TV playing non-stop all day long…offending my auditory environment as it tempts to lull me into passivity and lethargy. However, given TV in small amounts, I’m able to find enjoyment in a few shows (I mean…who wouldn’t find the antics of those Survivor characters exciting? Or the Simpsons, Or Seinfeld…). But on and on and on…uhhhhhhh!
The simple solution would be to just turn the damn thing off, but my SO is very comforted by the background sound of TV and is one of those who comes home exhausted after work and uses TV as a way to unwind. In reading this thread (as he may since he is also a member), he would probably think, “??? You watch TV just as much as I do.” In the past I’ve expressed my dislike for TV but after coming to what I felt was a compromise of limiting viewing, we always seem to go back to the TV on non-stop. I don’t know if I’ve just given up on the whole issue as in “choosing my battles” or have actually succumbed, myself, to the addiction that TV can provide. Either way, I would so much prefer it to stop. My question to all of you…or those of you with similar situations…what compromises have you arrived at that meet both of your viewing desires?
I would aproach it as “giving up TV”. Most people don’t like to give up things they enjoy.
Find other things you enjoy doing together (that are relaxing after a hard day at work) and suggest doing them. Don’t even mention turning the TV off. Rather suggest the new thing. Like “Hey, tonight why do you take a long hot bath and let me read to you.”
I grew up in a similar household, TV on all the time, TV tray infront of the tube. I watched a lot of TV as a kid. I think I OD’d.
These days it’s some kind of sick miracle if I watch more than an hour of TV in a week. I lived for 3 years without one, and now I hardly ever turn it on myself. Welbywife enjoys the drone. She’ll have it on while she’s reading, knitting, whatever. Just noise to give her ears something to do.
Our compromise? MP3’s baby. I set up a laptop with decent speakers and several hundred songs and we let that play random picks. It’s a roughly 50/50 mix of “her” music (lots of classical, some russian singers) and “my” music (just about anything but country). Usually, if Welbywife is in the TV mood I’ll go and read in the living room or something, which is fine by me because I love to read.
I’m not sure this makes a difference but I did live with my SO for many years and recently moved out for reasons not at all related to this topic. Anyway, when I now visit, the only thing we seem to do over there is watch TV and when he visits me here he thinks, beyond the computer, there is nothing to do and it’s boring. We have fun together outdoors (tennis, running, and such) but whenever we come inside, on goes the TV. The more I think about it, the more ideas I’d love to come up with for indoor entertainment aside from that TV. We both love to read, but that usually takes place again to the background sound of the TV.
On another side note, it’s not like we dislike each other’s company either in terms of conversation. We can talk for lengthy stretches of time and still find each other interesting. Car rides are the best in terms of conversation. When the TV is on, our conversations become sadly dictated by commercials or by shows of little interest. In Conceivable, you definitely have a good point in not having him view this as something to “give up.” I’ll give your idea a try.
Welby, don’t you mind the sound of the TV when you’re reading?
I am going to answer the question you asked Welby if you don’t mind.
The TV being on doesn’t bother me when I am reading. I can read and ignore the TV. I can read and watch the TV at the same time. I can read during the commercials. It just depends on how interesting my book is compared to how interesting the program on TV is.
Of course, I have always heard that women are better at multi-tasking then men.
I’m someone who dislikes background noise like a television or even music playing. I don’t like a fan going at night, either. I love silence! However, I can read just fine in a busy cafe (because it isn’t anything I could understand if I were even listening, etc.). If I hear a TV or radio, I end up listening to it and can’t relax entirely. On the other hand, I love having the television on - I’m not sure why but it might be because I live alone and like the motion on the screen. Who knows. So I have the television on a lot but it is muted.
One compromise is that the TV is always off when someone isn’t in that immediate room. Or how about simply doing it by time? It’s off as much as it is on when he’s home?
Usually not. If it becomes annoying I’ll move to another room, either the bedroom or the living room (we’ve got TV’s both places) so that I don’t hear it. I’m a pretty voracious reader, though, and it’s been remarked that I could be on fire and not notice when I’m reading a really good book, so most of the time I can just ignore it.
I’ve drastically cut my viewing time by cutting the number of channels available to me. I came to the realization that I was paying $40 for all the packages the cable company offered but in those packages of about 70 channels I really only cared for 3 or 4. I decided it was stupid of me to pay $30/month for 3 or for channels so I cut back to just the basic cable (major networks, PBS, Superstations). I save money and since there’s often nothing on that I care for on the few channels I get I find myself reading or surfing the web more.
I’m not a huge television watcher, and never really have been. I grew up in a house where the television did not go on until homework was done and NEVER stayed on during dinner (unless it was the news or something).
I watched a normal amount of television, but also did a heck of a lot of reading. Shortly before I moved out, I began to spend a lot of time on the computer, again, no television.
I live with my SO now, and he watches TV all the time. We get home from work, it goes on. He wakes up on weekends, it goes on. I turn it on the local news weekday mornings while getting ready for work, simply because I’d rather listen to that then the radio.
But I could do just fine without the television.
After a few months of endless television watching when getting home from work, I found myself horribly restless. And I am unable to read while a television is on…so I took up cross-stitching. This helped my restlessness a lot.
Hopefully, as the weather gets better, he’ll be encouraged to get off the couch more often.
I like to have it quiet sometimes - I just enjoy the peace. My wife, on the other hand, prefers background noise. This comes to a head when it comes to the TV. I have TV shows I like, and don’t want to give it up; and I don’t want to stop anyone else from watching their shows. However, my wife used to want the TV on all the time, whether anyone was interested in watching it or not.
We eventually reached a compromise. She allows it to be off if she’s not actually in the room, or not watching the show. If she’s watching it, and I’m not, I just leave the room, and she’s stopped being bothered by that. One thing that’s helped reach this compromise is our son - he would watch Cartoon Network 26 hours a day if allowed. My wife has gotten tired of that, and (while she hasn’t said it) I think that’s helped her see my point of view. Other times - when we’re doing chores or projects around the house that take up attention, for instance - she’s content with having the radio on instead.
In your case, is there something you can replace it with that serves the same purpose? Music leaps to my mind. If the radio is on, or a CD, perhaps that will serve your SO’s desire to have some sound on, and yet still be something that you don’t mind conversing over.
I’ve been around assorted small children for most of my life. I have 7 siblings, and age wise I fall in the middle of the group. By the time the younger sibs were growing up, the older sibs were having children of their own. They all lived near my parents house, so the little nieces and nephews were around alot. Once I finally got my own bedroom at the age of 16, I had to share it with the crib for the grandkids that more often than not held a sleeping baby or toddler.
If there’s one gift that growing up with constant chaos like that has given me it’s the ability to tune out any and all background noise and fully concentrate on what matters to me at that moment.
TV on or off, doesn’t matter. Sometimes I’m watching it, sometimes I’m reading or studying for a class. My reading comprehension or grasp of the material are the same either way.
I guess I’d go with the music option. I think I’d go insane if the TV were on all the time; how do you guys stand it? (Hmm. But I’m at home with the kid, sounds like you all work–so I’m thinking of TV 24/7, while you’re talking about evenings.)
Like some others here, I usually have something to do while watching; I can’t just sit there. So I have embroidery or sewing, and I only watch specific things.
I also have a 2-yo who would love to be a couch potato, so she’s limited to about 30 minutes a day, on average. The more she watches, the more she shrieks when we turn it off, so it’s best not to turn it on at all if possible.
My husband will watch ANYTHING on TV. If he is awake and at home, it’s on. He loves all of those reality shows, and even watches “Cribs”. I am guilty of turning it on first thing in the morning during the week, so I can watch the news, but other than that and a few shows that I enjoy, I find something else to do.
I can read with the TV on without a problem. We get 3 newspapers every day- Athens, Atlanta, and NY Times- and I usually read the NY Times at night. The later in the week it is, the harder and more time consuming the crossword is! I also walk Auggie, The Cutest Dog on the Planet (TM), after dinner every night, which takes a good 30-45 minutes.
Unfortunately, all of the loud rock concerts hubby went to during his misspent youth has apparently left him deaf, becasue he likes the TV up loud, which does drive me nuts. If I'm reading, he'll turn it down, or I'll go in another room.
Thank you to all of you for your advice and input.
NE Texan, hmm…your compromise sounds perfect (for me anyway). I don’t want to limit him from things he’s actually enjoying but I honestly do think the TV is on more often for the background noise and out of boredom rather than the pure enjoyment gained from programs in which he’s actually interested. Since our music tastes vary to a degree I wouldn’t want to resolve one conflict by replacing it with another. We’ve come to a sort of unspoken agreement that the music stays off unless we are in a mood with each other to take turns playing a song he likes and then playing a song I like…that’s just too much work. Perhaps we should give entire CDs a chance instead of a trade off of song per song. Whenever he’s come home to my music he usually asks if I wouldn’t mind turning it off…and I would probably feel the same way towards his music.
On a side note…he did come over this afternoon, popped onto the boards (which he doesn’t usually do), and noticed my thread to which he replied, “What the…. Well, I never.” He went on to jokingly post a reply, but did not hit submit. He did make a comment about not being a fan of airing dirty laundry on the boards but I have read enough of these threads to know you guys really do dish out some beneficial advice.
My husband generally turns the TV on all the time - as soon as he gets up, when he comes home, when he gets into bed. He says it’s the only way he can drown out the stress of his day - when he’s channel surfing, his brain can rest.
I’ve learned to tune it out, even when he watches in bed. But if I walk into an empty room where the TV is on, I turn it off. And when I’m done watching whatever it is I wanted to watch, I turn it off. I don’t want background noise, thankyouverymuch. I rather enjoy silence.
One thing that does seem to work here - if he’s watching something that I absolutely hate and I make a move to leave the room, he’ll either switch the channel or he’ll turn it off and we’ll do something together. And if there’s something he’s really interested in seeing, either I’ll try to watch with him, or I’ll give him a smooch on the cheek and leave him to his program while I surf on line. That’s what works for us.
I used to share with someone who would switch the TV on every chance he got, then wander off out of the room. Fifteen minutes would pass, and I’d see nobody was watching the TV so I’d switch it off. A few minutes later, in he’d drift, switch the TV on again, then leave.
It was weird. Luckily he moved out after a short while, and I never had to put up with that again.
My wife likes to watch a lot of TV. I tend to watch only a few programs (Junkyard Wars, History and Science stuff, and Dexter’s Laboratory), so I go into the other room or garage and do my thing. Since we are both at home a lot, we don’t worry about not spending time together. It works for us.
