So maybe I don't have a new barber... (a parody)

I was so excited to get a barber. After forty-eight years, it just seemed like it was time. And I found one in my tiny little village, right upstairs in my house.

I walk into the waiting room. All the magazines to flip through. While I am plowing through the pile of mags, I fixate on a Field and Stream on the table between two guys with bad combovers. I am like, “What the hell is THAT doing here???” But…Field and Stream has a certain unexceptionalness in public barber shops. I mean, it wasn’t like a Playboy sitting out there with all its pages stuck together.

Then I notice that there is tv on. While I am flipping through my Highlights magazine. I think, “Holy shit I like this place. Moving pictures in a box, just like they have in the big cities!”

But as I read my nursery rhymes, I notice this harassent Political discussion à la Crossfire or worse, in the box with moving pictures. Kerry is ‘just really’ doing this or that, for the two women in the box.

Even worse, it’s he promises an education for every child hooey shit.

I’m going to write most of my paragraphs with one sentence.

Okay, just imagine you walk into your barber’s, and they are playing James Carville…

So I am thinking, “Hey, jackasses! I am the client. I don’t have to be forced to listen to political programming just to get my hair cut.”

So I get up to chmange the station.

Just as I would in the big city if it was on C-Span or something gross.

And to my sheer unmitigated horror I find out that I don’t know a television from a VCR. These bastards are playing a videotape!

Someone made the voluntary decision to feed a flaky liberal warrior video James Carville thing into the waiting room of a barberb’s orifice.

I tell you I was bent, beside myself, boiling, browned off, bummed out, corybantic, crazed, demented, desperate, enraged, fierce, frantic, frenetic, frenzied, fuming, furious, hacked, hopping mad, incensed, infuriated, insane, irrational, livid, mad, maddened, maniac, rabid, raging, smoking, steamed, unreasonable, vehement, vicious, violent, and wrathful.

And then the barber referred to the presidential campaign while cutting my hair.

Now I don’t think I am on any good basis at all, as far as my rights to not learning how to construct a coherent sentence.

But I think it is not only sleazy, and offensive, but it borders on ethical recklessness.

I would like to do what the American barbing Association thinks of this kind of discriminatory practice.

If that videotape is on again, I will walk out and transfer to another barber.

And give him obscene reasons as to why.

I simply won’t let him get paid a monthly salary by my modelling agency for preaching politics at me.

And for what it is worth, I would be as offended if I walked into a colored barber shop and there was an Al Sharpton photo in the corner. And into ANY business that was cooking barbecue. And would be offended by a speech being read by a politician on tv While-U-Wait.

Thing is, he is a kind of nerdy nice guy. If he more up to my standards of physical appearance and demeanor…maybe there would be a place to go with a discussion. He had the same kind of syrupy nerd air around him as do the people on those shows.

You know, I live with a bunch of liberals. And conservatives. And these uneducated folk, all voters, have more brains and brainpower than the mindless horde who go to the “Reform Party” or the “Green Party” meetings in the next town over, or the other one in the remote village next to mine, or whatever other disjointed clause I can cram in here, and who dominate the radio airwaves with their smooth-talking, poorly reasoned, unintelligent bile.

Give me an apathetic slacker, any day.

There was once a barbershop on my street called “The Lord and Lou’s Barbershop.” I never went there.

What an honor to be parodied by Libertarian!

Practically the big leagues.

God, what rich humor. Ha.


Sorry Lib, not up to your usual standards.

The problem is that your parody isn’t humorous because it’s essentially correct. katerina2’s complaint is really about being forcibly preached to, not the subject matter of the preaching. Many people would find being forcibly subjected to, say, anti-Bush diatribes annoying even if they agreed with the underlying sentiments.

It’s all about the appropriate time and place. Would you really want to go to a barber that lathered you up, held a razor to your throat and askeed, “Have you accepted The Lord?” :stuck_out_tongue:

well he is right about my incomprehensible prose. Though this is by far not the first time it has been parodied (nor the best).

I dare you to go there and tell the guy, “You know, Lou did my hair last time and it didn’t really look how I wanted it to. Can I have The Lord give me a trim this time?”

Or vice versa.

Unfortunately, while Lord and Lou’s is still there, it isn’t my street anymore. But am I right in think that you’re from Madison, Blackknight? L&L’s is down on Park Street south of Meriter Hospital.

Nope, not a Madison resident here.

Hint as to my location: The Packers suck. :smiley:

Down near smut and eggs? or after fish hatch?

lou that’s indeciperable.


But first you must have cutting faith and shear devotion.

:: Gazing soulfully ::

Oh, Lib, dahlink… I love it when you talk dirty, you Frumious Bandersnatch, you!

After looking over katerina2’s original thread, and viewing responses to it, and viewing this parody thread, I have only one thing to say to katerina2 - and I borrowed it from a great man - Jesus.

So, katerina2… Are you ready to be fucked, man?

I blame society. Or democrats. Or Bush. Yeah, that’s it. McDonalds.

Well, that narrows it right down to Minneapolis, Chicago, or Detroit :slight_smile: .

I was thinking the same thing!


long overdue, Gadfly.