So, my 96-y/o grandmother thinks I'm gay...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

, she’s cool with it, I think it’s hysterical, and I’m not about to try to explain otherwise.

(For those who don’t know me, I’m a hetero male. That’ll be important to explain my mirth and the confusion of the situation.)

So, a couple of times now, my 96 y/o paternal grandmother (who is definitely heading down the road to senility / dementia) has told me that I am welcome at her house (in which she no longer lives - she’s at an assisted living facility close to my folks and a state away from her house) and (and this is where she doesn’t quite look me in the eye) anyone I care to bring with me is welcome. Tonight, she told me that a “boyfriend, orevenjustafriendwho’saboy is welcome to stay with me.” (Without being able to look me in the eye…) I thanked her and ended up changing the subject because she really wants people to head to her house so that she can go with them. (And she is, unfortunately, in need of constant supervision, so it’s not really an option and incredibly uncomfortable when she brings it up.)

On my ride home from the folks’, it occurred to me why she probably thinks this.
1.) I’m turning 30 and, as far as she knows, I haven’t dated in years. (I have, but my family makes such a big deal about it, that I just don’t talk about the dates / girls any more.)
2.) A couple of yeas ago, I brought a “friend” home; at the time, I was living with this friend. This is where the story gets entertaining. This friend (who is a great friend, but not a “friend”) needed some help with a wood-working project. Where we lived, we didn’t really have too many tools, but my dad did, so we went to the folks’ to work, and my grandmother was there.

Now, this friend is a rather small girl with a very boy-ish haircut. So, for all that my grandmother could figure out (with her increasing vision problems and decreasing mental faculties), I had brought home a young man that I was living with. But, what makes this most entertaining is that my friend is a lesbian.

So, my grandmother thinks I am a gay man because she thinks I’m having a relationship with a guy who is really a girl who has relations with other girls! :eek:

And I really don’t think I can explain to her the truth. :smiley:

2

At 96, she can believe what she wants. She has pretty much earned the right at this point. Be glad that she is open minded enough to accept people regardless. There are many people who are younger (& who lack a dementia excuse) that are not. She sounds like a very nice lady.

3

My grandmother, who lived to nearly 103, was remarkably accepting of my lesbian cousin, her partner, and their adorable baby girl, although she’d only comment about my cousin being a lesbian in a whisper. I think that by that point in her life, she’d seen pretty much everything, and since we all visited her regularly, that was what she really cared about most. :slight_smile:

Your grandmother sounds adorable – enjoy her while you can!

4

Like any other human, she’s certainly got her faults. But we all still love her, of course.

I should also point out that, when my grandfather was “courting” her, way back when (about 75+ years ago), he asked my grandmother if she wanted to go out, and to see if there were any other nursing students who would like double date with one of his friends. I guess they went to a bar first, where my grandfather and his friend left the two ladies for a little while.

Turns out it was a lesbian bar… :eek:

Yeah, she is (and he was) pretty open minded. I got’s me a cool family.

5

Once upon a time, my very straight baby brother (Bobotheoptimist – who is currently waiting for free posting), then in his late teens or early twenties, was loudly objecting to some antigay something or other. Our very old-fashioned maternal grandparents sat there, quietly listening to his tirade, as well as Mom and I agreeing with his tirade.

Their thought process was apparent on their faces. How Granddad ever managed to win enough playing poker to buy a ranch with cash is a mystery. They both went from horrified to thoughtful to acceptance during Bobo’s 90 second speech. He was still the Bobo they had loved all those years.

Granny later broached the subject with Mom and me. I, having no tact, laughed. Mom tried to explain that Bobo was/is straight, secure in his heterosexuality, and more importantly, a decent, fair, sane person. Gran (never a poker player, or they would have lost the ranch) cocked her left eyebrow at Mom, with a “You’ve been the Queen of Denial since you were a wee tot, but I’m tired of arguing” face. [Granddad he died a few weeks later, and didn’t have the opportunity to mention it.]

They both died before I got a sister-in-law. As far as I know, it was not an issue after those first few seconds. ** Bobo** and I talked about it once, and seemed to agree that correcting them was futile.

20 years later, I still agree with my young self that convincing an elderly grandparent of a misimpression that really doesn’t affect anyone negatively is not worth the effort, as well as condescending to the point of rudeness.

Let your Grandmother love you, and accept you, even if she’s not exactly accurate in who you are.

Try to remember that in previous eras, gentlemen bachelors of a certain age, in certain demographics, were automatically presumed to be odd in way or another, simply because all “decent” men could find a bride if they wanted. That she has gotten beyond “gay = indecent” shows her inherent sanity and goodness.

6

My grandmother has a friend in the palm beach florida area who has been the manager of a gay bar for many years and when she winters there, she stays with her and sometimes works at the bar. Checking ID’s and whatnot. When I turned 21 she offered to take me out to a bar in ohio owned by the same person that owns the one in florida.

There is something to be said for cool grandmas.

7

They had lesbian bars 75+ years ago?

Wow, ignorance successfully fought! (I didn’t realize that they had either female bars or lesbian bars 75+ years ago!)

8

When my grandfather had a heart attack when I was in my early 20s I went to stay with them to help out. I was ordered not to argue with him.

At the time I was working in professional theater and we were in the middle of the AIDs epidemic, so I had lost several friends. It happened there was a TV show on about the first gay cop in San Fransisco. My grandfather (Who dearly loved arguing and was probably bored out of his mind) decided to bait me by saying “When I was young there wasn’t any such thing as gays and if there were we called them queers.” I excused myself and phoned my other grandmother and told her to come get me.

She did, and when I explained the story she said “Oh they are just so close minded aren’t they. You know, my best friend is a lesbian.”

I have to tell you that knocked me for a loop. Here I was oh so cosmopolitan but my grandmother wasn’t supposed to know people like that!

(The other grandparents never did figure out about their two friends who were spinster teachers who lived together for 50 years and bought a house together.)

9

My grandmother thought my cousin Mikey was just the most wonderful dresser—all the black leather and silver jewlery and high-heeled boots. And his friends were so handsome!
It seemed to make her happy.

10

Try about 110 years ago. According to my history text book gays and lesbians formed the first American subcultures at around the 1890’s.

11

A few years ago we were driving along and I asked my mom, “So, did you ever tell grandma and grandpa that I’m gay?” They were the last remaining family I hadn’t come out to.

“Sure,” she said.

“And how did they react?”

“Matt,” she said, “your grandmother was a ballet dancer and your grandfather was an actor. How do you think they reacted?”

12

My grandmother is 90. Mrs. WeHaveCookies and I just went to visit her in the hospital yesterday, where she is recovering from a fall she had last week. Prior to now she has lived in her house on her own since my grandfather died in 1978. (Nothing is broken, just a sore neck and sore lower back, but they did find a spot on her lung while doing chest x-rays for a TB screening that she needed to have done if she is to move to an assisted care facility, so now we are all waiting anxiously for a diagnosis on that…)

We just threw her a 90th birthday bbq bash at her house a couple of weeks ago.

Anywho, 11 years ago, she was the first person in my family to figure out that I was a lesbian. I had barely figured it out myself (silently and in theory) but was stalling about informing my Mother until my pending “big move” across the country after graduating from college.

My mom and I were visiting her, and I woke up one morning to hear them talking about me down the hall.

“Well, maybe she doesn’t like men?”, my grandmother had said, assumedly in response to conversation about why, at 22, I had never dated.

“Oh no. It’s not that…”, my mother’s denial had trailed off and I don’t actually recall what she said, because I was too busy swallowing my pillow and freaking out that grandma was onto me, while simultaneously being quite impressed at her read on me, considering that we only saw each other for a couple of weeks each year around the holidays.