So Star Trek "Enterprise Sucks." Could you do better?

Enterprise is just fine the way it is (although I liked the first season much better than the second). The whole Vulcans being condescending and not so nice is a refreshing change from the old trek series, which established that Vulcans are always the logical, nice, good guys.

As for the other series, I would have cut the religious crap and the whole history comparisons out of DS9 and would have liked more changes in Voyager over the seasons.
I totally loved it when the doctor was able to keep that portable projector from the future (usually time travel story lines include the whiney “You can´t tamper with the time line!” moral, so that was a good change!), but would have wanted more of those changes. It would have been nice for Voyager to pick up a few ships along the way, but I guess that would have been too battlestar galactica like for the trekkies. Oh well.

Destroy the song. Nuke the song. Vapoize the song. Admit defeat re: song. Beg for forgiveness for thinking the song might have been a good idea in the first place. Fire the person responsible for said decision, and make fun of his retarded sister. Replace the song with standard “Space: the final frontier” intro and orchestral theme song from TMP. Force writer of song and executive to attend all future Star Trek convention in chains so trekkers can throw rotten fruit and veggies at them. Then you’d have something.

Have them find a planet that seems pretty normal, but the “bumpy-headed” people are just the “voiceboxes” for the nasty non-humanoid aliens who really run the show. That way you get the bumps and with a little shadow and rubber arms, imply that there are “real” aliens around. Just don’t show them, suggest them. Then you’d make everyone happy: the expense people, since you don’t have to pay for a whole alien rig, and the fans, because a non-humanoid alien is at least suggested. Since you don’t know what they look like, you could stick them in as a deus ex whenever you wanted without great expense. Paint them as puppetmasters and manipulators and you’d have nice villians too (can’t have too many).

Hire Niven as a writer for a few eps. (He already did an ep for TAS)
Louis Wu and a Pak Protector take over Enterprise in order to set up an elaborate 3 episode story arc centered around Kzin and Romulans.

Shoot, forget my ideas, just hire a good writer and LET THEM WRITE.

Stay out of it, B&B!

I have a couple of big problems with the show, as described at length in various episode-specific threads. I’ll rehash them here because I’m killing a couple of hours before getting together with a friend to see a movie and visit his new apartment. :stuck_out_tongue:

First of all, I do not have a problem with the premise. I think it’s a great idea: going back to the beginning. I don’t even have a problem with the slightly altered timeline; I don’t take continuity as seriously as the hard-core Trek buffs. For example, the thing they’re apparently building with the Klingons, where the relationship is shaky but apparently okay at first but a misunderstanding causes Archer to become an enemy to the Empire and eventually leads to ruinous war, is a reasonable extrapolation to me from the shorthand description used by earlier incarnations of the show: “disastrous first contact.” Most folks take that as “disaster from the get-go,” but since we’re looking at three or four years out of hundreds in history, stretching it out like this works for me.

No, my problem is with the storytelling. As I’ve described before, I think they’re wasting energy trying to convince us that something is going to happen when we know it can’t. The biggest of these, of course, is putting a crew member in jeopardy of his or her life. We know Archer isn’t going to die. We know he’s going to get out of whatever pickle he’s in by the end of the show. There is zero suspense in that story.

Instead, the good series stories are the ones where somebody is changed by the experience: You know they probably won’t die, but at the end of the show, something emotional has happened to them that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives, and that will affect the way they make subsequent decisions. The two examples I used are from TOS, “City on the Edge of Forever,” and TNG, “Inner Light.” In the former, we know Kirk & Co. have to restore the timeline and get home at the end, so the emotional payoff is in our heroes making the horribly painful decision to let Joan Collins die. And in the latter, we know Picard will wake up and retake command at the end, so the emotional payoff is in letting him live a complete, satisfying life in the altered reality, and then ripping him back to the present. These stories matter to the characters, and it’s what keeps us engaged and interested in tuning back in week after week.

Compare an Enterprise episode, called (IIRC) “Horizon.” Usually-mute pilot Mayweather goes home to visit his family on their cargo ship. They want him to abandon Starfleet and take over command of the freighter; he wants his brother to grow up and assume responsibility. Toward the end of the show, he’s making modifications to the freighter’s weaponry, despite the fact that his brother has told him not to, and his brother catches him and yells at him. Then, in the climactic battle, the modified weapons come in handy, everybody feels better, and Mayweather goes home.

I mean, what the hell was accomplished here? Who learned anything? Well, the supporting characters learned something, but Our Hero is exactly the same as he was at the beginning. Basically, he’s an action figure, molded and unchanging. And that, to me, means the emphasis is wrong. Now, as I mentioned in that thread before, if it turns out that Mayweather’s decision goes horribly wrong, and the weapons he modified go offline or worse because nobody on the freighter knows what Mayweather knows about Starfleet engineering and they can’t do the maintenance, then that would be interesting, because there are consequences.

But as it is, Our Heroes are invariably right. Archer takes his dog to a diplomatic conference, and it pees on everything, offending the alien diplomats, and Archer is irritated with them for taking offense? At the end, he makes a half-hearted attempt at apology, but it’s played for laughs instead of genuine contrition. Or then there’s the episode where Archer is arrested and put on the Klingon prison world; he sticks to his guns, even when it’s obviously stupid to do so, and at the end it’s the Klingon attorney who learns from Archer and goes away a better man, while Archer just walks away, secure in his superiority. Are we ever going to see that Klingon attorney, ever again? Probably not. So why the hell do we care what happens to him? It’s Archer who should be growing and evolving as a character. And so on, and so forth. The producers said they’d be making an attempt at creating flawed characters who learn from their experiences and generate conflict within their own organization, but so far I just don’t see it.

The two episodes where they’ve come closest to realizing the full potential of the show, I think, are “Cogenitor” and “The Communicator.” In the latter, Reed accidentally leaves advanced technology behind on an away mission to a less-developed planet, and the crew’s attempts to recover the device and repair the damage just make things worse and worse, until at the end they slowly realize they were probably responsible for escalating the planet’s civil war and causing the deaths of millions. And in the former, Trip believes he has all the answers for making this alien person’s life better, except he mucks it all up and creates a horrible tragedy, not to mention a diplomatic incident. This is what interests me, as a viewer.

Second, aside from the mishandling of the characters, I think the storytelling sucks. Okay, there’s supposedly this big huge overarching story arc about the “temporal cold war.” :rolleyes: Ignoring for the moment the fact that time-travel stories are almost invariably stupid (aside from “Yesterday’s Enterprise,” the risk-taking exception that proves the rule), there’s no sense that this major arc is really driving anything.

Compare (as I did in a previous thread) The X-Files. We’re told there’s some big conspiracy tying everything together. We get bits and pieces of it, here and there, but we don’t know the whole story or where these bits and pieces fit into it. Over the course of several seasons, we get more and more information, until at some point we start to expect the overall picture to begin getting clearer. And then we have a horrible realization: The writers don’t know what they’re doing. They themselves don’t know what the big conspiracy is; they’re making it up as they go. Finally, at the end, there’s a half-hearted attempt to tie everything together, but it just plain doesn’t work.

The same thing is happening with Enterprise. What is at stake in the temporal cold war? Who are the players? What are their tactics? If they can time-travel, then how do we trust week-to-week continuity? I’m not saying I want the answers to these questions now; I just want to know the writers have the answers and are building up a coherent picture. Otherwise they’re setting themselves up for failure.

That’s where, I think, Buffy the Vampire Slayer spoiled me as a viewer. Joss Whedon (despite his various flaws) made a point of creating an overall arc for each series, and driving toward it. Whether or not you felt confident you knew what was going on, you knew that by the end the plan would be revealed. That’s part of why season seven was so shaky, because they dumped the plan and started improvising halfway through. But prior to that, there was always the comfortable feeling that Whedon had charted everything out, and all the mind-bending plot twists would be tied together in the last couple of weeks. Firefly had the same feeling; you know that while we didn’t know who the Blue Hands were, or what Book’s background was, or what exactly River would turn out to be, the writers did, and were carefully parceling out chapters in a larger story.

I don’t believe Enterprise has the same thing going on, at all. I think the writers are making it up as they go, which is hugely dangerous. I mean, look at the upcoming season. Do you honestly believe the Xindi were even a gleam in anybody’s eye when they wrote “Broken Bow” to launch the series? Of course not. It’s a whole new direction for a struggling show, something they came up with to inject some energy into their stories. Except, as I’ve described above, they keep injecting the wrong kind of energy: They put the ship and/or crew in danger (even though we know they’ll escape at the end). They put the important emotional arcs on the supporting characters. And they try to convince us that there’s actually something to the temporal cold war, even though it’s painfully evident it’s nothing more than a hollow shell of a storyline.

So yes, I could absolutely do better. Fire Berman and Braga and give me control of Enterprise exactly the way it is now. I’ll put the dramatic emphasis where it belongs, and I’ll make the effort to plan out where the show is actually going (and communicate this clarity to the audience). The adjustments needed are simultaneously (and paradoxically) minor and huge.

And I’ll specify one last thing: I don’t hate Enterprise. Mostly, I’m just disappointed, because I see it as such a huge waste of potential. They’ve got a pretty good cast, both in terms of actors and characters. Production design is solid. Premise is good (minus the dopey temporal thing). They’ve got potential coolness just coming out their ears.

But instead of actually living up to it, by telling solid, compelling stories populated by interesting, identifiably complex characters, they make a desperate grab for viewers by blowing shit up and having the Vulcan hottie shake her tits around.

Bah.

Good points. I want to ask about something you said, though.

Time-travel stories are stupid as a rule? You didn’t like “Time’s Arrow” or “Tapestry” or “A Matter of Time” or “All Good Things…” or First Contact or The Voyage Home or “Past Tense” or “Trials and Tribble-ations” or “Little Green Men”?

I mean, I guess I don’t expect you to like all of them, but none of them?

Hey now! Those are my favorite parts! If blowing up and shaking around could somehow assured week to week it’d be worth getting TIVO for.

Generally, yes, particularly when penned by Braga, whose apparent fascination with the device has an inverse relationship with his ability to carry them out. More on this in a moment.

Nope.

As a Q story, it operates by different rules. Q can do anything. I don’t consider his manipulations of spacetime as “time travel,” strictly speaking. Perhaps a semantic distinction.

I’m a huge Matt Frewer fan, and the twist was clever. That put it over the top.

Another Q story.

Not really.

Liked the comedy. Didn’t like the SF story.

If you mean the DS9 episode where they alter the future and eliminate Starfleet but somehow leave Defiant behind to investigate, no, I didn’t.

The inspired throwback design, for me, overcame the forced premise.

An amusing starting point, wasted on a thin, motionless story and, especially, a weak ending.

They don’t all suck. But, for whatever reason, in the Trek universe, they usually suck, and with growing frequency in later incarnations. While TNG could get away with something like “Cause and Effect” because of the “Holy shit!” teaser opening, which is cool enough to carry us through kind of a lame wrapup (“3” = pips? whatever), more often their attempts at time travel stories come out as “Time Squared,” which starts with a provocative premise and turns into a muddled mess. And don’t get me started on Voyager, which at times seemed to be doing time-travel every other week. I know, not really, but the insistence on coming up with “wacky mind-bending ideas!” every week instead of focusing on character development was a big part of why I gave up on that show. Now I see the same thing on Enterprise, and it pisses me off.

And I mostly don’t see it as Berman’s fault; it seems mostly connected with the ascendancy of Braga, who loves these kinds of ideas but doesn’t have the chops to carry them off. He can come up with “what-if” scenarios all day long, but that’s not enough for successful storytelling: Time and again he’s proven he’s hopeless with character and story management. Enterprise, if you take the series (so far) as a whole, is merely proving the point.