A goat herder offers to let her goats graze plutonium contaminated area.
Huh? Why would the goats not suffer any ill consequences?
Because she’s stupid and does not have even the vaguest notion of what plutonium is.
Well, think how much easier it’ll be to shepherd at night.
But she has a college degree in weed sciences!
That’s the last thing we’ll need, goats with superpowers…
Ah…! Con-fusion…
Sounds like she’s not real up to speed on the topic of goats, either. Or eating.
Here’s an article I read a while back about uranium contaminated oases in the Navajo territories of Utah & Arizona. It affected both children and sheep with horrific birth defects and long-term neuro-degeneration.
The goats will not fare well. Still, it might, in fact, be a better plan than burning the contaminated plants. I don’t know.
But do you see radioactive unicorns? 
I’m not understanding the issues here.
Do the plants (that the goats would graze on) take up plutonium or uranium or whatever heavy metals are contaminating the ground there?
If yes, do they take up enough that having the goats eat them will eventaully de-contaminate the land? (At the sacrificial expense of the goats, of course.) ETA: And then, after the goats are thus contaminated, what becomes of their carcasses? Will they be disposed of in a toxic waste dump, or just recycled into the ground, putting the metals right back where they were?
If no, then is it safe for the goats to eat the plants? But would it do anything to de-contaminate the land, if the plants don’t take up the heavy metals?
What would be the theory of burning the plants? If they have taken up the heavy metals, wouldn’t that just release the contamination into the atmosphere via the smoke? If the plants haven’t taken up the metals, wouldn’t the land still be as contaminated as ever?
An idea from the '50’s, when they were still trying to find a way to make Darwinian evolution work. Huge research effort. Didn’t work out in the end, leading to the in-fighting that characterised scientific debate about evolution in the 70’s, but still had a place in popular imagination, and, now, as a joke about popular ideas about science in the 20’th century. I’m not sure how many people would recognise it’s serious scientific roots now.
She evidently hasn’t seen The God-Monster of Indian Flats
http://monsterarchives.proboards.com/thread/2903/godmonster
The proposed controlled burn is for reasons of land management unrelated to plutonium remediation. But some people are concerned about releasing the plutonium via the burn, hence the proposal to clear the overgrowth with goats instead of fire.
Then be sure not to cremate the goats.
Maybe they can store the Dead Goat Bodies in a secure facility. They just have to be careful not to (as happened in a bad science fiction story I once read) let the Plutonian-laced Dead Goat Bodies reach Critical Mass, or they’ll have a Goatsplosion.
Waitaminnit – I recall from the coverage of the Karen Silkwood case that the body excretes many of the chemical states of plutonium. They’ll have to be careful to gather all the goat scat, too.
Since Pluto is not a planet any longer, plutonium has been stripped of it’s power.
Laugh noiw- but in a few years, when 200 foot goats are eating Sequoias, you won’t think it’s so funny.
And if you think that’s scary, just imagine if those genetically engineered spider-goats got into the plutonium.
They hadn’t already?
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=33909
Imagine this goat. Now imagine it with the powers of the Hulk!!!
:eek:
That sounds like an unemployment solution to me.
Calling Jon Ronson…